He couldn’t spend another minute here. “No need. I’ll take it on a paper plate. Thanks, Mom.”
He kissed Eleanor’s cheek, noting again that she had lost entirely too much weight since his father died.
Not trusting himself for even a casual cheek brush with Jess, he simply waved to her, picked up his plate and hurried out of the house.
20
Rachel
“I don’t know what I was expecting from an all-day clinic, but that wasn’t as bad as I feared it would be.”
Rachel stared at her husband as he drove with his usual efficiency through Sacramento traffic.
Seriously? Had she and Cody been in the same exam rooms with specialist after specialist coming through to poke and prod and interrogate their child?
Silas had borne it much better than she had. All in all, he had been a trouper. He’d had only one meltdown, and they had managed to contain it after only about ten minutes.
He was sleeping now, looking so cherubic and adorable in his car seat, it was hard to imagine he could be so difficult sometimes. “I’m so glad we don’t have to bring him back for a year.”
“I really didn’t mind it. They sure loaded us up with information. I feel like we’ve been hit with a fire hose of knowledge all at once.”
“Everything you wanted to know about autism but were afraid to ask.”
He smiled a little and reached for her hand. “You were terrific all day. So smart and organized. I could tell all the professionals were impressed at the therapies you’re doing at home with him.”
Rachel didn’t feel like it would ever be enough. For every tiny bit of progress they made toward communication and socialization, she felt as if Silas took three or four steps back.
Still, she was grateful Cody would say so. “Thanks,” she said.
“I know it was rough on you, but you were a champ. Next year, maybe I could get up to speed better and take him to the clinic myself, if you really hated it.”
She couldn’t say she hated it. The experts obviously knew what they were doing. She was excited about trying some of the behavior modification techniques they had suggested.
The day had been long and arduous, though. She still wasn’t sure how they made it through as well as they did.
Yes. She did. It would have been impossible to keep Silas patient and relatively happy all day without Cody’s help. He had been wonderful with their son, patient, loving, calm. All the areas where she felt she failed.
So why was it so hard for her to tell him so?
She had to try. They were in this together. That truth had been reinforced throughout the day. Raising a child with autism or other challenges was so much easier when parents could work as a team.
She gathered the words and finally blurted them out. “Thank you for taking time off work to be here. I know it wasn’t easy for you and I just want you to know I’m grateful.”
A look of surprise flashed across his strong features briefly, then he reached over and took her hand. The physical contact, so badly needed, made her shiver. “You don’t have to carry everything by yourself. I wish I could convince you of that.”
She knew he was right. Somehow it was a lesson she seemed to need over and over again.
She had spent her childhood in a terrible situation, with a cruel father and a mentally ill mother. She wanted to create a perfect life for her own children, though she knew that was not only impossible but not healthy for them. Children needed to learn resiliency, which they could only do by facing and overcoming hard things...or watching their parents do the same.
“I’m so sorry I fell asleep last night,” he said gruffly. “I was looking forward to spending a little time with you.”
She flushed, knowing he wasn’t talking about ordering room service and chatting all night.
“You work long hard days and then had to drive in that crazy traffic. It’s understandable. Anyway, we don’t need a hotel room to, um, spend time together.”
“True.”
The lanes ahead were changing from three lanes to two for construction so he had to pull his hand away and focus on driving.
When they were past the merge, he spoke again. “How did Jess say things went with the girls?”
Rachel had called her sister while Cody and Silas had gone to the restroom at the clinic.
“She said they had a good night. Freckles threw up this morning but seemed fine when she and the girls left the house. Jess checked on her during the day and so did your mom and Ava and I guess she seemed normal.”
“I’m glad Jess was in town so she could hang out with Grace and Ava. How much longer will she be around?”
“I think she’s leaving next week. It’s her birthday Thursday. The big three-oh. I thought we should have a party for her.”
“Good idea. But she doesn’t really know anyone in town except us.”
“She knows Eleanor and her family. She knows Kurt and Jan, of course, and your mom and dad.”
“That’s true. Except your foster parents are still on their church mission. As for my parents, she’s met them maybe three or four times, besides our wedding. I wouldn’t say they’re close, would you?”
“Fine. I won’t invite your family. I just thought it might be more fun to have a big family dinner.”
“More fun for who? If the party is really for Jess, you know she doesn’t exactly love big crowds.”
She hated when he was so reasonable. He was right. Jess wasn’t an introvert but she didn’t love making small talk with people she didn’t know well.
Funny that they could turn out so differently. Rachel loved social situations that forced her to talk to strangers.
“It would be fine with just us and the Whitakers. I think Jess would enjoy that. But I’m sure whatever you decide to do will be terrific,” Cody said diplomatically. “You’ve never thrown a bad party yet.”
“It’s true. My parties are pretty epic.”
He smiled and she wished he could hold her hand again.
As they drove back to Cape Sanctuary and their girls, Rachel allowed herself to simply savor the time together.
Their life might not be as perfect as she had once dreamed. Silas and his challenges seemed insurmountably hard sometimes. But she had three wonderful children, a caring, hardworking husband and a fulfilling career she enjoyed.
She resolved to focus on those things instead of all the things she couldn’t control.
21
Jess