I don’t think so.
Preston Parker
CEO, Parker International
* * *
Subject: Re: Your Two Weeks’ Notice
It’s not really up for debate.
Tara Lauren
Executive Assistant to Preston Parker,
CEO of Parker International
* * *
Subject: Re: Re: Your Two Weeks’ Notice
Then it’s up for legal litigation and serious financial (and professional) consequences. Surely after working here for two years and knowing what my legal team is capable of, you don’t want to put yourself through that.
Preston Parker
CEO, Parker International
* * *
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Your Two Weeks’ Notice
Are you threatening to sue me in order to prevent me from quitting? Seriously?
Executive Assistant to Preston Parker,
CEO of Parker International
* * *
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Your Two Weeks’ Notice
Quite the contrary, Miss Lauren. I highly suggest you read the fine print at the bottom of the contract that you signed upon your hiring. Also, read the secondary fine print regarding the acceptance of the bonus offers you’ve been awarded over the past two years.
When you’re finished, please ask another intern to bring me the correct breakfast. (You know I hate American style omelets.)
Preston Parker
CEO, Parker International
[TaraLaurenemploymentcontract.pdf]
[conditionsofemployment.pdf]
[conditionsofbonusacceptance.pdf]
* * *
I rolled my eyes and sent the documents to my printer. I read them with a red pen in hand, underlining a few questionable clauses about travel and employee discounts, but there was nothing glaring about quitting.
The only thing remotely close was a non-compete clause regarding the “attempt to seek out other employment while still employed by Parker International without first notifying [the boss],” but I’d long given up getting another job while still working for him. After eight straight final interviews and eight straight rejections, I no longer had the time for false hopes in my life.
I reread the contracts one last time, sending them to Ava to see if she could catch something I couldn’t, but all she said in response was, “What the hell is he talking about? There’s NOTHING here! FUCK. HIM. (Not in the literal or sexual way. Like, in the mean, forget about him type of way.)”
I shook my head and sent him an email.
* * *
Subject: The Fine Print
I’ve read the contract several times over. There is no fine print regarding me leaving …
Tara Lauren
Executive Assistant to Preston Parker,
CEO of Parker International
* * *
Subject: Re: The Fine Print
Come to my office, and I’ll show you that there definitely is.
Preston Parker
CEO, Parker International
* * *
I grabbed all my printed papers and walked to his office, leaving the door wide open.
Dropping the sheets on his desk, I crossed my arms. “I don’t see any rules about me quitting anywhere.”
“It’s on the last page.”
I reached over him, inhaling the intoxicating scent of his cologne, and flipped to the last page. There was only one paragraph at the top and my signature at the very bottom of the page.
“You’re referring to the clause about me agreeing to all of the above rules?” I asked. “The above rules that make no mention of penalties for quitting?”
“No,” he said, smirking. “I’m referring to the five paragraphs right above your signature.
My stare was as blank as the middle of this page was.
“Okay, look,” I said. “I’m not sure what type of mind game you’re trying to pull right now, but I’ve given you my two weeks’ notice, and I’m going to submit it to Human Resources once you comply with clause six and give me all the vacation time I’ve earned in dollars. I also want a written reference from you that I can take with me to any job interview I get in the future.”
He laughed and opened his drawer, pulling out a grey highlighter. “I don’t play mind games, Miss Lauren, and the next time you sign a contract, I’m sure you’ll take a long look at it first.”
He began pressing his highlighter against the blank section on the page, and words in fucking white ink began to appear. He took his time highlighting all five paragraphs, keeping that smack-able smirk on his face, and then he handed the paper to me.
“There,” he said. “Like I was saying, I highly advise you to read the fine print.”
My eyes caught sight of the words “indefinite employment term,” and I damn near screamed. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me about this before?”
“You never asked.”
I felt my blood boiling, felt my hand being seconds away from giving him the slap he deserved.
“Careful,” he said. “We both know that whenever you’re angry, you tend to say things you don’t mean.”
“I fucking hate you.” I seethed. “Truly fucking hate you.”
He smiled, completely unfazed.
“This can’t count …” I still couldn’t believe this. “You printed the most damaging terms in unreadable, white ink.”
“And?” he said. “Legally speaking, that doesn’t excuse you from reading them, and as someone with a law degree, surely your professors taught you to be wary of too much white space in a contract for the sake of hidden clauses.”
“So, you’re admitting that you purposely hid it?”
“I’m admitting that you should’ve read it.” He smiled. “Would you like to go over the Von Strum files now that you’re officially my partner on the project? This looks like it’ll be your most promising effort yet.”
I stood still, glaring at him.
“Then again,” he said, sounding somewhat sincere, even though I knew he wasn’t, “something tells me you need a break, so you’re free to go home and we can pick up tomorrow.”
I didn’t say a word in response. I stormed right out of his office, straight to the elevator, and went the hell home.
Fifteen (B)
Tara
“There is no way you can call yourself a lawyer after signing something like this.” Ava paced our floor as she read the highlighted sections of my contract later that afternoon. “Not to make you feel even worse, but I don’t know if I’d hire you if I got into trouble anymore.”
“He printed it in white ink, Ava. White Fucking Ink!” I picked up a pillow and screamed into it for the umpteenth time.
Ava ignored me and continued to read. “The employee is indebted to her employer for the full term of the contract which is a minimum of seven (7) years unless he/she should perish. The employee agrees that he/she will not submit a two weeks’ notice or any other notification regarding a self-requested termination without advance written approval from the employer. The previous clause is null and void if the employee is submitting the aforementioned notice within the final (seventh) year of employment.”