“I want everything, Kennedy. I want to put my ring on your finger. I want to build a life with you. I want you to grow old with me, and to sit on my porch and watch you sitting there, reading a book in the afternoon sun. I want forever with you.” His dream, so easy to picture, filled every nook and cranny in my mind until I could feel the sun on my face. I could see the pages of my book turning. I could hear the laugh on his lips as we grew old together.
For one brief second, my heart ached at the lack of children that we’d have. I felt the burning jealousy I’d suppressed as I sat with Parker while she found out not only that she was pregnant, but that she was about to meet her baby. I thought about the things we’d miss. The empty nest. The smiles and first steps and the little girl born with Linc’s eyes that I’d never get to see.
But what life would be worth living, if I didn’t have Linc in it? He told me he didn’t want children, and I’d do anything to respect those wishes. I would rather have Linc, a thousand times over, than a child born when both parents weren’t ready.
“I love you, Linc,” I told him again in the quiet of the night. “I guess that means I should start leaving shampoo and conditioner, and maybe a change of clothes here.” I’d already be wearing one of Linc’s shirts with my leggings to go home the next morning, and I hated having to wash my hair with men’s body wash.
Linc didn’t say anything, not for almost a minute. He slowly ran his hand up and down my spine, collecting his thoughts. “I think you should move everything here.”
I froze. My heart raced with a mix of fear and anticipation. I must have misheard him. Misunderstood what he was saying.
“I want you to move in with me, Kennedy.” He kissed the side of my head gently, still rubbing my back, like he hadn’t just pushed a button that I didn’t even know I had. “I want you to stay. Forever.”
Just like that, I began to panic in a way that I hadn’t since Royal forced me to give up my belongings. The day he burned every piece of clothing that was mine. Just mine.
Never again.
I scrambled out of his bed, away from his touch, and got dressed faster than I even thought was possible. It wasn’t until I was struggling to find my shoes that he caught up to what was happening.
“Kennedy?” Linc sat up, his face a distorted mix of confusion, amusement, and misunderstanding. “Is everything okay?”
“No.”
I walked out, not even bothering to hold my tears back. I thought I’d get away, too. I thought he’d let me go. That he’d give me space. That Linc would stay away.
I didn’t even make it to the stairs.
“No.” He caught me by the waist and hauled me back against his body, careful not to hurt me, but refusing to let me go. “You’re not running from me. We’re done with that.”
I tried to pull away, to hide from him. From the truth.
“Not gonna happen,” Linc whispered against my head. “You don’t have to tell me everything, Kennedy. But I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, and neither are you. I promised you tacos and sex to fix everything that’s broken, and I mean it. Tacos and sex, for the rest of our lives. Together.”
He held me through the panic. Through the fear. Through all of it. And I let him. He didn’t hurt. Didn’t push. Didn’t do anything but love me.
“Royal tried to kill me.” I slumped in his arms, and Linc picked me up. He carried me to his room silently and then stripped me out of my shoes and pants, leaving me in his shirt.
“I know.” Those two words were all he gave me, and then he pulled me into his arms and let me cry. For the life I had, the one I should have had. The one I lost. All of it.
“He held my head under the water of the bath, because almost drowning me didn’t leave bruises. Over and over again.” Opening up, telling Linc why I was broken and damaged, was the most freeing thing in the entire world. “He burned my clothes, Linc. He destroyed the only pictures I had of Cassie. He took everything. Everything. And when I refused to give him your dog tag, he tried to kill me with it.”
Linc didn’t say a single word. But I felt his body tighten around mine.
“I can’t. I just can’t give up my things.” I swallowed and wiped the tears from my eyes. “I can’t give it up.”
“Sometimes, I talk to Danny. Not his ghost or anything. But him. Like he’s living inside me. My twin, ya know?” He paused, then rubbed his cheek against the top of my head. “You don’t have to get rid of anything that’s yours that you don’t want to. You can keep it all. Hell, we can move into your place if you want. But you’re the only thing in the world that gives me peace, Kennedy. I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to sleep without you at night. You’re the only thing keeping the nightmares at bay.”
He was echoing the thoughts that I had, but about him. And he was giving me everything I’d ever wanted, and more than I’d ever hoped for.
“Tacos and sex, you say?”
He chuckled, bringing his lips down to mine. “Every day if that’s what you want.”
“Maybe. If you buy me a new machete so I have two that match.”
19
Linc
“Where the fuck is that woman?” Kennedy had, true to form, vanished before dawn. But she made coffee before she left, so I didn’t actually think she abandoned me like a one-night stand.
She was, however, dodging my calls and attempts to figure out where she’d gone like a pro. Not only her, but Parker as well. Everyone thought it would be a great day to fuck with me and if I hadn’t had to work the morning shift, it would have pissed me off. Instead, I was walking on air and just wanted to see my woman.
Mostly because of the sticky note that Kennedy stuck to the side of my coffee pot.
You suck.
I love you.
Be safe.
Don’t get shot.
I owe you a blow job.
That woman. She had a unique way of pissing me off and turning me on at the exact same time. As soon as I saw the words, I wanted to run back upstairs and strip off my uniform. But she wasn’t there. So I was left turned on, and wanting, all fuckin’ day while I had to deal with assholes and teenagers who thought blowing through stoplights was okay or even funny.
When my phone started to ring, I almost bit Emma’s head off as I answered.
“If no one’s dying, I am gonna beat your ass.” Meanwhile, I scanned the parking lot of the Taco Bell to see if Kennedy had snuck off for food.
“Well, if you’re gonna be an ass, I’ll just hang up,” Emma bit out and then laughed. “But I just watched Kennedy eat her sixth taco of the day, and she blamed it on you. I figured you must have pissed her off, so I thought you might want a heads-up in case you want to do some groveling.”
“I owe you big, Emma. But I didn’t piss her off. Where are you?” They clearly weren’t at the Taco Bell.
“Oh, we’re at Lucy’s.” Emma sounded bewildered and amused at the same time. “I was just giving you shit. I thought you knew we were here.”
Blood started to pound in my forehead, a migraine picking up at my temples. Why did I think that Kennedy wouldn’t want to go back to the same place that she had an issue with Royal at? While shaking my head, I pulled out of the Taco Bell parking lot and headed downtown.