That was probably the point.
What happened wasn’t necessarily Asher’s fault. My peace with Victor had been fragile from the start of our new agreement. Any old thing could’ve torn it apart. A guy. A misunderstanding. A gust of wind.
Still, when Asher tried to talk to me the next day at school, I made my feelings perfectly clear. “I don’t want to go out with you. It doesn’t matter what’s going on between Victor and me. I don’t feel the same way. And you were out of line last night.”
“Is this you saying this or your husband?” He demanded with a combative look. As if Victor was the only one to blame for our non-start.
Victor had made me do a lot of things. But it was all me when I told Asher, “I thought you were nice, but your actions last night let me know that you really aren’t. Me saying I would be open to dating you in June didn’t give you the right to kiss me. And thanks for introducing me to the people over at Yinz Entertainment. But doing that doesn’t entitle you to me either. So even if we’re in the same city, I don’t want to date you.”
Asher was twenty-nine, just a year or two younger than me. But I don’t think he was used to rejection. The ever affable look disappeared from his face, and he said, “You sure about that? I mean, at this point, your husband will be lucky if I don’t sue him. Maybe I’ll get all his money.”
I told him the truth. More for his sake than mine. “He’ll kill you before he lets you sue him, Asher. I really wouldn’t do that if I were you.”
I guess Asher didn’t have any more comeback in him after that. He just walked away, and a few days later, he and Elizabeth Ann Margaret walked into our Thesis Production seminar holding hands.
She shot me a triumphant look as she and Asher took a seat just a few rows down from me.
I could only feel sorry for her. Asher wasn’t as big of a catch as she thought. And love wasn’t a game that could be won. Only lost. I’d found that out the hard way.
But whatever. I barely gave Asher another thought after I set him straight. I just wished I could say the same about Victor.
Everything I’d said to him was true. I had every right to invite someone to ask me out after we started divorce proceedings. He had been nothing but a monster to me for nine years when Asher approached me. Of course, I would start planning for a life beyond being his prisoner wife.
Yet, regret had immediately set in as soon as the door closed behind him. And my belly had been flip-flopping between pride and remorse ever since.
As busy as I was finalizing my thesis, I kept getting lost in daydreams of what I should have said to Victor that night.
I’d been so excited to spend time with him after the presentations. I could’ve explained things clearly to him. Instead of screaming at him that he was a monster or comparing him to some guy I didn’t even really want, I could have communicated with him like a grown-up. I could have told him how much I’d loved the surprise trip to Washington D.C., but how confusing being that intimate with him again had made me.
Maybe I could have asked if we could try again. This time like normal people. After May 25th.
But I hadn’t done that. And the weeks went by without another peep from Victor. So I threw myself into my thesis production. Until one morning, I went to take my pill and noticed that I was on Day 7 of my inactive pills.
I was on Seasonale, which meant I only opted for periods every three months. Usually, Aunt Flo hit on Day four or five of my inactive week. I’d never gotten to the end of a whole three-month pack without having to break out my tampons.
Was that usual? My next physical wasn’t due until October, but maybe I should schedule a gyno appointment at the school clinic to make sure everything looked alright—
I cut off worrying about what might show up on a pap smear when another possible explanation for my missing period popped into my head….along with the memory of the Washington D.C. trip.
I had been a little worried when Victor had said he’d forgotten my make-up bag, but not too much so. I hadn’t wanted to ruin the surprise trip’s vibe, and I’d figured I could pop a pill as soon as I got home on Saturday.
Only, I’d gotten upset, and no matter how much I sifted through my memory of that weekend, I couldn’t remember taking it that Saturday.
Crap. Crap. Crap.
It was May 24th, the day before our thesis presentations. And unfortunately, I had back-to-back final presentations in my Advanced Character Animation and Post Production classes.
Which meant I couldn’t make it to the campus bookstore in the student center until after my last class that day. Luckily, RhIDS didn’t have any religious affiliations. I found what I needed in the health and wellness section and rushed to the front of the store to buy the one thing I would never dare to put on one of my shopping lists for Wayne.
Unfortunately, there was a line to check out. And this wasn’t CVS. They didn’t call extra people over to help ring up purchases for fear of you calling the corporate line and complaining.
I checked my watch as the line moved at a snail’s pace. Wayne was going to be so suspicious.
I eventually got what I needed. But I didn’t have time to actually use it. The student center was all the way on the opposite end of campus. So I had to book it in order to meet Wayne in the parking circle about ten minutes after my usual time.
Still, Wayne demanded, “What took you so long?” as soon as I slipped into the back of the car.
Luckily, I already had a lie locked and loaded. “I was consulting with Jacoby about my showcase tomorrow.”
Wayne glanced at me through the rearview mirror, his expression skeptical.
It didn’t matter if he believed me, though. The point was he didn’t know my real reason. And after tomorrow, I wouldn’t have to deal with him anymore.
I hoped.
The item I’d purchased from the campus bookstore ticked inside my tote like a bomb. Or an “I like you” note from a teenage gangster.
Oh, God…what would I do if what I suspected was true?
I could not jump out of the car fast enough when we got back to the house.
“Wait, hold up!” Wayne commanded, getting out of the car himself.
I froze in my tracks. Did he know?
“Victor wanted me to tell you something for your big date tomorrow,” Wayne said.
Surprise replaced the fear. “He’s still planning to take me out on a big date after my thesis presentation?”
“Yep, he told me to take you to meet him someplace special at eight,” Wayne answered. “He also told me to tell you to make sure to wear the dress. I’m assuming you know which one he’s talking about because I don’t.”
Wow…
I had cooled down. And apparently, Victor had, too.
“Yes, I do,” I answered, a new hope sparking in my chest. “Please let him know I’ll definitely wear it.”
“Will do,” Wayne said before returning to his usual post in the car.
So, not caught. I let out a secret sigh of relief as I walked toward the front door where one of the extra guards was standing outside.
“Hey, how are you?” he said as he opened the door for me. And he sounded a little friendlier than usual.
Or maybe my mood was a little lighter. I couldn’t believe that Victor was still planning on taking me on a big date after my showcase.