This new turn put the item I’d bought in a different perspective. Maybe…maybe…I should hold off on using it I decided.
After all, I had a huge presentation tomorrow. This possibly life-changing news wasn’t something I wanted in the back of my mind. And if Victor and I could talk. Like, really talk on our date, then maybe we come up with some way forward that didn’t involve imprisonment or blackmail.
Maybe Victor and me weren’t a Mika song after all.
A small kernel of hope nested in my heart as I left the item I’d bought at the campus bookstore in my tote bag.
Victor was keeping his promise. So I kept mine.
The following morning after running through my presentation a few more times, I took a long shower and pulled on the yellow cocktail dress he’d bought me. I hadn’t been eating nearly as healthy as I had during our two months of pretend. But it still fitted me perfectly, hugging my curves in a way that felt sophisticated and mature. Like a flower all grown up. And I was right about pairing it with my pink cardi. That one addition dressed it down enough to make it appropriate for a thesis presentation.
I’d taken out my braids a few days ago. And last night, instead of dealing with the item tucked away in my Aggretsuko tote, I’d done a deep conditioning treatment on my hair. So my long curls were well defined and popping above my outfit. It made me want to Instagram my entire look: Feeling cute? Think I’ll go present my thesis. #thesisonlock #loveorigins #adultingonfleek
So yeah, I was totally feeling myself as I made my way downstairs to meet Wayne in the carport. I wondered if Victor would surprise me by showing up for my official presentation too. Just in case he did, I once again rehearsed what I’d say to him.
How I’d apologized and invite him to talk. Like, really talk in a way that would maybe not make the bomb I was carrying in my tote so scary.
I was no longer a confused college student, but I couldn’t stop playing the what-if game with the night we fell apart. I’d been so excited to talk with him about the presentation after everyone left. What would’ve happened if we got to eat ice cream and chatted like the friends we used to be in high school? If Asher hadn’t kissed me? If I had kept a clear head when Victor came at me with all his accusations?
If we hadn’t gotten into that horrible fight.
For some reason, the long-forgotten words the judge spoke to me on my wedding day chose that moment to come back.
“…with these kind of marriages, the kind that begin in anger, my advice is to release the past, and whatever came before today. This marriage might have begun for certain reasons, but you and he can decide where it goes. You’re husband and wife now. Try to make this into the kind of union you want. I’ve seen others do it.”
Tears stung my eyes. Regrets that I didn’t know how to fix.
But maybe I could…maybe I could fix them. Fix us. Maybe tonight Victor and I could finally talk about making our marriage the kind of union we both wanted.
That small, mutinous hope shivered in my heart as Wayne drove me toward RhIDS.
Only to die a horrible death just a few minutes later.
“Wayne? Wayne? What are you doing?” I asked when instead of taking the straight shot to school, he pulled onto the I-95 south. Alarm curdled my stomach. “Where are you going?”
Wayne didn’t answer, just raised a glass partition I didn’t even know he had.
I banged on the glass, but Wayne just ignored me. Unfortunately, the back windows were tinted, so there was no way to flag someone down in the next lane. Maybe I could call Jacoby. Ask for just a little bit more time to get there. Or the police.
I pulled my iPhone out of my bag. But zero bars, even though we were still in the city. I pulled out my secret phone and the same thing. All the curse words came flying out of my mouth.
There must have been some kind of cell blocker in the car. Something that wasn’t allowing me to call for help.
I lowered the phone, realizing that this was the plan. It had always been the plan. Victor wanted me to suffer. He was never going to allow me to get my MFA, but he’d strung me along, to make me believe that he would.
I reviewed his words about my thesis showcase. His exact words.
He had promised to take me out at eight after my showcase. But he had never stated clearly that I could actually go to my thesis presentation. That had been me, believing what I wanted to believe in order to take his devil deal.
The cruelty had been letting me get close enough to see what I’d worked so hard for, to almost touch it, and then yanking it away.
Oh, God…oh, God.
Tears of frustration replaced my determination to get out of the car in one colossal whoosh. I sobbed as we drove further and further away from my dream. And eventually, I cried myself to sleep.
I came awake slowly a few hours later. I was still in the car, but it was no longer speeding along a highway. More like stuck in stop-and-go traffic. Also, it was dark, even though that didn’t happen until later these days.
I sat up to look out the window and found….
Washington D.C. again. But this time, the cherry blossoms were all gone.
We slowed, pulling into a long line of black cars, and I somehow knew even before I checked the time on Wayne’s dash that it was getting close to eight o’clock.
Eventually, the car stopped in front of a huge red brick structure. It wasn’t a building I recognized. But there were signs around the entrance, declaring it the National Building Museum, and well-dressed people were streaming through its open front doors. Many women were dressed in black cocktail dresses, and the men all wore suits or tuxes.
I shook my head, not understanding.
But Wayne said, “This is where you get out, kid.”
So I got out. I figured it was better to be in a crowd of fancy people than stuck in Wayne’s back seat.
In contrast to my turmoil, it was a lovely, warmish evening beyond the car. I took huge, grateful gulps of the fresh air as I watched Wayne drive away.
“Sweet pea? What are you doing here?” a voice called out behind me. “I thought you said you couldn’t make it!”
“Dad?”
I turned around to see my father, dressed in a tux. Obviously a rental. It was a little baggy around the shoulders. But he looked sophisticated and refined, totally locked and loaded to receive a Lifetime Achievement award.
An iceberg rose up in my stomach as I began putting two and two together. Oh my God.
“You look great,” he said, pulling me in for a hug. “And I’m not Doll, so I won’t say anything about the weird bag.”
He curved an arm around my shoulders and guided me along like he used to when I was a kid. “I’m just glad you managed to make it. Especially considering that your mom couldn’t be here. C’mon, I can’t wait to introduce you to all my associates.”
“Wait, Dad, hold on…”
“Darrell! Man of the hour, good to see you!” the Attorney General himself approached us before I could get the rest of my protest out.
I piped down, not wanting to embarrass my dad, who enthusiastically introduced me to the federal appointee. But to my horror, we were getting closer and closer to the entrance.
“RhIDS! That’s a good school!” the Attorney General boomed. “You must be very proud, Darrell. Very proud!”