She needed water after that, and this time, she managed to pull herself into a sitting position with Rataka’s help as one of the healers entered.
It was clear Rataka was pondering her words, but they did not get to speak again after that, because she was shooed out by the healer, who then turned to Sarah and did an assessment on her condition.
Sarah went through the motions, struggling to find a reason to care about any of them. To care about her own condition. She drank water when she was told to, obediently ate as much as she could manage when a tray was brought in, and agreed without complaint to rest as much as possible, despite having been unconscious for so long.
Then the healer said he felt she was finally in a strong enough state to have a visit from Jotahan.
Hope and excitement filled Sarah, shooting energy through her limbs that had her straightening up from her dejected slouch against the headboard. Then she had a terrible fear that the healer meant some other Jotahan. There was more than one, after all. Somehow, that didn’t seem to cause confusion for the yan-kanat, but she never wanted to hear the name Ha-tah again, even if Jotahan had been ‘long awaited’ in her life too—before she even knew she was waiting for him to enter it.
Joy and relief filled her when he entered the room. Her Jotahan. She sobbed, tears filling her eyes as he rushed to her side to kneel beside the bed. He gently enfolded her in his arms, cradling her close against his chest. His scent surrounded her as her body heat warmed them both.
He nuzzled her hair, his voice as hoarse as hers as he told her he loved her, and demanded that she never scare him like that again.
He told her he couldn’t live without her. He told her that he would sacrifice anything to be with her.
Sarah had spent most of her life feeling like someone else’s burden—a parasite draining her parents’ best years away, or a runaway dragging her best friend into her problems. Jotahan made her feel wanted and loved unconditionally. Not because he had the seal. Not because he wanted children. He wanted her because he loved her.
After a long embrace, and a kiss so necessary that Sarah didn’t even worry about the fact that she hadn’t been able to brush her teeth in far too long, she could finally relax in his arms enough to learn all that had happened in the time she’d been comatose.
She learned that the chanu zayul in her body had been killed when her head hit the stone wall of the shaft. She was deeply saddened by this, as they’d saved her life once, though this time, their death had nearly taken it. She was grateful that she still understood the yan-kanat language. Jotahan had been right that the knowledge of it would remain in her mind after they left her body. She wondered if the yan-kanat understood how powerful such a connection to a hivemind like the urvak zayul could be, given their ability to share such knowledge. Humans would see the incredible possibilities of such information-sharing—and some would immediately think of ways to exploit them. For that alone, she understood why the urvak zayul wanted to keep humans out of the urvaka.
“You were having hallucinations from their toxins,” Jotahan told her as he held her close. Though they had both relaxed in each other’s arms, neither of them was ready to let go.
“I saw Seta Zul,” she said. “I don’t think it was a hallucination.”
He stilled, then pulled away from her enough to look down at her face. “You think you saw the goddess?”
“I know I saw her.” She reached up to stroke his prominent cheekbone, her eyes scanning his beloved face. She’d never thought she’d see it again, and she wanted to memorize every line of his features. “She told me I had to choose.”
Jotahan was silent as she explained her conversation with Seta Zul—and confessed to the heartbreaking choice she’d been forced to make.
“You don’t believe me, do you?” she asked when he continued to remain silent after she finished.
His expression was sympathetic as he lowered his forehead to bump gently against hers. “I could never have made such a choice, my drahi. You have more courage than I do.”
“I thought you would be angry that I decided not to heal you. Or maybe hurt that I could let you go.”
He huffed. “You made the choice you believed would make me better off. I know you made that decision out of love for me.” He lifted his head again, his eyes intent. “You know that I want nestlings, but never more than I want you. I would give up any hope of offspring if it meant I could remain at your side forever.”
She turned her head to blink away her tears, swiping impatiently at her eyes. “I’m so sorry you had to, Jotahan.”
This caused him to stiffen again. “Sarah,” he caught her by the chin, forcing her to meet his eyes again. “I still have the seal. The healers were able to heal my wound, with help from my own chanu zayul. Seta Zul’s mark remains.”
She hugged him, surprised that she could feel more happiness than she already did. “That is wonderful news!”
“So you will still accept the seal from me, even after all that this world has put you through?”
She chuckled, hugging his strong waist even tighter. “Are you kidding? You think I’m letting you get away from me now?” She snuggled against him. “Never again, Jotahan. If you leave me, I will follow you, even if I have to face the Inferno to get you back.”
He gave her another kiss that began as a tender exploration and quickly turned into a scorching message telling her that the desire that burned between them still remained strong. Strong enough that he had to pull away before it hurt him.
As they both struggled to recover, she sought to distract them, and hoped to find an answer to a question that remained. Or perhaps just reassurance. “Do you really think my conversation with Seta Zul was only a toxin-fueled hallucination?”
Jotahan sighed, rubbing his hand over his head spines. “The yan-kanat know that our gods aren’t dead. But the thought that Seta Zul might be speaking to her people again after remaining silent for so long concerns me. It would mean she is no longer dormant. If she has awakened, then something momentous lies in our future, and she must be moving her pawns into place on the game field to prepare for it.”
Sarah laid her head against his shoulder. “I don’t like the idea of being the pawn of any god.”
He stroked his hand over her hair, running his claws gently through the tangles to straighten them out. “I love your hoo-man defiance. Your people always stand so boldly in the path of undefeatable forces. A yan-kanat looks at the impossible and accepts that it is so. A hoo-man looks at the impossible, and says ‘all I need is time, and I will make it happen.’ Such relentless determination is both fearsome—and admirable.”
She lifted her head to smile at him. “You finally called us ‘humans.’ I never thought you’d use that word instead of nixir.”
“I think it is time to change the way we view your people. Some of the yan-kanat underestimate hugh-mans,” his attempt to correct his pronunciation gave further weight to his words, “and some rightly fear your people, but we have been wrong not to try to learn from you in all this time. With all that your species has already accomplished, and the relentlessness that you hugh-mans possess, you might finally achieve the ability to stride the cosmos with the titans. You’re already reaching for the stars.”