Even though she wanted to cry, she held the tears back. It was hard to breathe, hard to see, and it took her a moment to react when the car in front of her suddenly slammed on its brakes.
She slammed on her brakes, too, so hard that the back of the car fishtailed and she did a partial doughnut on the highway before coming to stop on the road’s shoulder. Thank God the shoulder of the road was flat, and there had been room to skid to a stop. With the sound of screeching tires still ringing in her ears, she turned off the engine and rested her head on the steering wheel. She had to pull herself together. She couldn’t tune out while driving. She’d get herself killed, or worse, hurt someone else.
Sitting in the car, the pain bubbled up again. She couldn’t believe she was actually leaving Beck, for good this time.
She didn’t want to walk away from him. Beck felt like hers… her baby, her son. She didn’t feel like the cousin once removed anymore, she felt like Mom. Maybe because he had no other mom, or maybe because she’d given him all of her, but to leave a child she loved felt like a sin.
Love was awful. Love hurt. Love—
She lifted her head at the sound of a sharp rap on her window. Looking up she saw Billy standing there, handsome as ever, hair disheveled, jaw covered in stubble, a furious glint in his blue eyes.
It was the real him, a very raw him, not the charming polished cowboy that did appearances and signed cards at autograph sessions.
Her insides did a crazy flip and she rolled her window down, but then couldn’t think of anything to say, and so she just stared up at him, shocked. Confused.
“You’re just leaving without saying goodbye?” he demanded curtly, voice hard.
She blinked, eyes so gritty and dry. “I didn’t think there was much for either of us to say.”
“After all this time together, you don’t think goodbye would have been nice? You don’t think we needed some kind of closure?”
Closure made her throat swell, and her chest ache. “I got the closure last night,” she whispered. “You made it clear I was no longer needed and so I’m moving on. I’m saving you from giving that speech you have to give to all your other girls—”
“You’re not the others. You’re not one of anyone else. You weren’t ever my buckle bunny. You were not a hookup. How could you even say that?”
“Because there’s nothing for me here. There’s nothing I can be—”
“No? Nothing for Beck? Did he matter so little to you?”
“He matters so much,” she answered, her voice cracked with emotion. “He’s like… mine. I’ve been with him for months. I have cared for him for months. I’ve woken up in the night to make sure he was okay for months. You think I want to leave him? You think I just want to play patty-cake and go?” She slammed her hands on the steering wheel. “But what am I to do, Billy? What are my options? How do we make this work? Because I can’t hang around here and watch you with another woman. I don’t want to look away every time your phone buzzes with a text from one of your girls. I don’t want to dread the next rodeo because you have someone special in that town. I can’t do that. I can’t take care of Beck and look the other way while you are playing the field. I know I’m not yours, and I know we don’t have a relationship, but I can’t pretend that it doesn’t tear me apart that you have someone else.”
Erika reached up and wiped away the tears before they could fall. Her nose was congested. She could hardly breathe. She was saying too much, she was revealing too much, but she couldn’t stop herself now. “I have real feelings for you, Billy. I fell for you, way too hard. It wasn’t the plan. God knows it wasn’t the plan. But it happened and I don’t need you giving me your farewell speech that you’ve given to countless other women. It would kill me. Let me leave with some dignity. Let me go while I still have some self-respect.”
“No,” he said. “I’m not letting you go. And I don’t give a damn for your self-respect, not when I think your judgment is clouded. If I thought it was the best thing for you to leave, I’d let you leave, but it’s not the best thing for you, and it’s not the best thing for me. We’re good together, really good together, and I was going to say all of this to you today, before you snuck out of the house, and flew down the road like a crazed banshee.”
“I didn’t sneak anywhere. I left you a note—”
“I saw the note. It was ridiculous. You’re being ridiculous—”
“Me? The man who won’t commit to anyone or anything, the one who needs a different woman in every town—”
“Before you, yes. Before you, I did a lot of dumb things, but that was before you. Now there is you, and you change everything. Everything.”
“What are you saying?”
“Because of you, there will never be anyone else for me, not now. There is only you. You, Erika Baylor. You’re mine. You belong with me. We’re meant to be together. You, Beck, me. And if we’re lucky, babies we make together.”
He reached inside her car, unlocked the door, and opened it so that he could unbuckle her seat belt and pull her out onto her feet. “I’m not perfect, I’m far from perfect, but, sweetheart, I think I am perfect for you. And I don’t say that arrogantly, I say it from the heart. Because I like you, I like you so much I can’t think of one thing I don’t like about you. I never get tired of your company. All I want to do is look up and see you. I love your voice. I love the way you sing as you cook or wash up—”
“I have a terrible voice. I can’t carry a tune,” she protested, leaning against him because her legs had no strength. Fortunately, he was warm and strong.
“I know, and I love that about you, because you sing anyway.” He brushed a long tendril from her damp cheek, his fingertips infinitely gentle. “I love the way you frown at your computer when you’re concentrating. I love the way you ask me to turn the TV down when it’s too loud—”
“I try to be polite.”
“I know, and you are. Excruciatingly polite.” His thumb stroked her cheek, a slow comforting caress. “I love that you read to Beck even though he has no idea what you’re saying—”
“But he does. He’s really smart.”
The corner of Billy’s mouth lifted. “I love that you talk to him like he’s a grown-up, and how he hangs onto every word you say.”
“Because he’s smart,” she said, snuggling into his chest.
Billy laughed softly. “I love that you love him, because I know you do.” His smile faded, his blue gaze growing somber. “You can’t leave us, babe. You can’t leave the people who need you, and we need you, Beck and me. We’re your family. You’re our family. We belong together.”
He was saying so many lovely words, and saying things that made her feel better, but she was still afraid. Still worried. “But if there wasn’t Beck, we wouldn’t be together. You wouldn’t want me, or need me—”
“Not true. You’re not like anyone else I’ve ever known. You’re stronger, and braver, and more loyal and more loving—you remind me of a Wyatt. You’re my people. My person. I’ve been looking all my life for you.” He kissed her then, a slow, persuasive kiss that seemed to kiss away her hurt. “Beck was just the one that brought us together, but we’re meant to be together. Destined.”