He laughed and grabbed his keys off the counter. "I trusted you, Keira. How could you do this to me? After everything we've been through?"
"Everything we've been through? Are you kidding me? You mean the obstacles of getting you to stop fucking random women? Because that's what I've been through, Rory. Not you. That's my obstacle, not yours."
"Oh come on."
"And it was after one of the many times you crushed me that I came up with the idea for the article in the first place."
"So this is all my fault?"
"No, that's not what I meant." I took a deep breath. "I know I messed up. Right after I pitched the idea to my editor I realized it was a mistake, but it was too late. My editor was already running with it."
"So you thought you could just hide this from me forever? What did you expect would happen when I found out?
"I don't know. I was so scared to tell you because I knew it would hurt you."
"Well congratulations, you were right." He ran his hand through his hair. "I can't do this anymore, Keira."
"This? What do you mean you can't do this? I made one mistake. But you had no problem hurting me ever since you moved in. You knew that I liked you. You hurt me over and over again. You're a fucking hypocrite, Rory!"
"Yeah, I'm definitely done." He opened the front door.
"Where are you going?"
"Out."
"Rory! Please can't we just talk about this?"
"You can't change people, Keira. So screw you and your articles. And you know what? I'm glad I didn't let you delete those numbers from my phone."
"Seriously? That's what you're going to go do? You said you'd never cheat on me."
"What does it matter? I don't even know you, Keira. This whole thing was just a game to you. You used me. Come on, guys, we're leaving."
"Rory, I don't think..." Connor said.
"Fine. Don't come."
I couldn't let him leave. I couldn't lose him like this. "Rory, you told me that all you care about is being happy. Do I not make you happy?"
"You do. I love being around you." His words hung in the air.
"I love being around you too."
He stared at me for a second. His lips parted slightly like he was about to say something. Instead he shook his head. He stepped out of the apartment and slammed the door.
The apartment was eerily quiet. I could feel Connor and Jackson's eyes on me, but I just stared down at the paper on the counter. I felt numb. Rory had just dumped me. He was out looking for some girl to hook up with. Or calling one of the five stars on his phone. I felt so empty.
"That wasn't what I wanted," Jackson eventually said. "We should probably go after him."
"Okay," I said. I didn't want Rory to go sleep with someone else. I needed to stop him. If he would just talk to me. I had explained it all wrong. Or maybe I had explained it right. Maybe his reaction was totally justified. I'm a monster. I picked my purse up off the counter.
"Not you, Keira. He needs to blow off some steam."
"Yeah, blow off steam. That's an elegant way to put it." I could feel the tears welling in my eyes.
"He's drunk," Connor said. "He didn't mean any of that."
"He did."
"He didn't." Connor walked over to me and hugged me.
"He did." I let the tears run down my cheeks. "I messed up. I messed everything up."
"Yeah, you did," Jackson said.
"Jackson," Connor said. "She's already upset."
"I just mean that you shouldn't have written an article about your relationship. But honestly, whatever you did fixed him. And if it was writing the article that somehow made you help him realize he was being a dick for the past six years, then it's good that you wrote it. He really likes you, Keira. He hasn't dated anyone in forever. If he asked you out, then he has it bad."
"He hates me. He just broke up with me." My voice cracked when I said it. "And I handled it all wrong. I'm mad at him for being mad at me. He never apologized for hurting me. I didn't realize how angry I was."
Connor put his hand on the back of my head. There was something so comforting about the gesture. Again it felt like the last time I'd ever see him. I didn't want it to be the last time. And I definitely didn't want Rory and me to be over.
"I need to go find him," I said.
"Jackson and I will find him."
"Please don't let him sleep with someone else, Connor. Please..."
"I won't." Connor released me from his hug. "Let's go, Jackson."
"If you can just get him to talk to me again..."
"I'll explain it to him," Connor said and walked over to the door with Jackson.
"But you don't know what..."
"I'll handle it."
I didn't care what Connor told him. I just wanted Rory to come home.
Chapter 35
"Why won't any of them answer me?" I stared down at my cell phone.
"Keira, stop, you're driving yourself crazy." Emily picked up my phone and moved it out of sight.
"Do you think they still haven't found him?" It had been several hours since Rory had stormed out. I thought Connor or Jackson might text me once they found him, but I hadn't heard from either of them. And Rory wouldn't pick up whenever I tried to call him. I rubbed my forehead. I had a terrible hangover from drinking shots in the morning. I was physically and emotionally spent.
"I'm sure they found him. They're probably just hanging out. That's what guys do."
"They always hang out here. No, he's definitely sleeping with someone else right now. They can't find him because he's at some tramp's house."
"He's not."
"Emily, he's slept with an average of two women a week for the past six years."
"Yeah, that's disgusting."
"Ugh." I put my face in my hands. "Why didn't I just tell him?"
Emily rubbed my back. "Keira, stop beating yourself up. Everyone makes mistakes. Part of being in a relationship is working through problems together."
"We're not in a relationship anymore. He broke up with me."
"You were both drunk. You had a fight. He didn't really break up with you. And there's no way he's sleeping with someone else. From everything you told me, up until that point it seemed like he was totally smitten with you."
"Why can't he just tell me everything I want to hear like you do?" I laughed and lifted up my head.
"Because he's a boy, not a man. You really should be dating men, Keira."
"Oh, he's definitely a man."
Emily laughed. "Okay, fine. But are you sure you even love him? Are you sure you don't just..." Emily looked away from me. "Are you sure you don't just want to be in love?"
I had thought about that a lot. But I didn't feel the pressure of getting married when I was with him. He had even told me he wasn't sure he'd ever be ready for marriage and I still wanted to date him. I did love him. Nothing else mattered. "When did you realize you loved Jim?"