Emily sighed. "Right away. But you know how I am. I easily fall head over heels."
"But it was different with Jim, right? You knew it was more than just a crush?"
"Yeah, it was different." Emily smiled to herself.
"Living with Rory made everything different for me. It kind of already felt like we were in a relationship somehow. I don't really know how to explain it. He's everything I ever wanted."
"I get it. When you know, you know."
"I lost him, didn't I? I chose my career over love. I never in a million years thought I'd be that person. I don't want to be that person, Emily! How do I fix it? I can't lose him this way."
"Okay, I'm pissed now too. This is ridiculous. No one makes my best friend grovel for hours for no reason."
"There is a reason..."
"No, there's not. I read the articles. They weren't even that specific." She picked up my phone and scrolled through my contact list. Then she picked up her cell, typed in some numbers, and pressed the call button.
"What are you doing?"
"Be quiet, I'm putting it on speaker."
"Hello?" Connor said.
"Son of a bitch," I mouthed silently at Emily. I had been texting him all day and he had never responded to me.
"Hey, Connor."
"Who is this?"
"This is Keira's friend, Emily. I just left her place and she's really upset. Why haven't you called her back?"
"Look, Emily, I've interfered in their relationship enough. She just needs to talk to Rory."
"Um...yeah. I agree. So where is he exactly?"
The line was silent for a second. I thought there'd be music blaring in the background, but it was really quiet. Maybe they weren't at a bar hooking up with random women.
"He's with me. Everything's fine. I'll have him home soon."
"What time exactly?"
"He'll be home in a few hours. Can you tell Keira that everything's fine?"
Emily smiled at me. "Will do. Thanks, Connor."
Connor hung up without saying goodbye.
"See," Emily said. "Everything's fine. They're probably just walking around town or something. And they're all together."
I sighed. "Maybe you're right."
"I'm definitely right. Connor just verified how right I am."
I laughed. It felt like a huge weight had just been lifted off my chest. Maybe everything was going to be okay. Maybe Rory would even forgive me. Please let him forgive me.
"Do you want to try to get some sleep?" Emily asked.
"Oh, geez, Emily, I'm so sorry. It's late. I know you have to wake up early for work."
"It's fine. But I am going to get going. I've been so tired recently."
"Yeah well there's a little human inside of you stealing all your energy."
Emily laughed. "Text me once everything's worked out."
"And if it doesn't work out?"
"Then I guess you'll just come over." She smiled at me. "But it is going to work out. He just needed some space."
"I hope so."
***
After an hour had passed a pit started to form in my stomach. Once two hours had passed I started pacing the floor. He said a few hours, right? A few meant two? Or was that a couple? Maybe a few meant three.
***
I looked down at my phone. I had texted Connor again after three hours. And now it had been four hours. It was 2 a.m. Rory wasn't coming back tonight. Either Connor had been lying about being with Rory, or Rory had refused to come home. He didn't want to see me.
I got up off the couch and walked over to Rory's room. I just wanted it to feel like he was here. This is weird. But I didn't care that it was weird. I might never get another chance to sleep in his bed. And I loved his bed. It smelled like him.
I opened up the door to his bedroom before I could change my mind. Even his room smelled like him. I lay down and curled up on his side of the bed. And I immediately started to cry. I didn't love his bed because it smelled like him. I loved it because he was always in it with me, snuggled up next to me, holding me, making me feel safe. I missed him. And now I was worried that I was going to have to miss him for the rest of my life.
Eventually the soothing smell of cinnamon engulfed me and I slowly drifted to sleep.
***
When I woke up, I half expected Rory to be in bed with me. But he wasn't there. Where is he? I looked down at my cell phone. There were still no new messages or missed phone calls. I couldn't wait around anymore. I needed to go find him. I climbed out of bed and walked out of Rory's bedroom.
I froze when I saw him. He was sitting on a stool at the kitchen counter, looking down at something on his lap.
"Rory?" My voice sounded weird in my throat.
He immediately looked up. "You slept in my bed." He smiled at me. There were dark circles around his eyes. He looked exhausted.
I didn't want to have to filter anything anymore. It was time to just be me. "I missed you."
"I missed you too."
I wasn't sure what to do. Should I go to him? For some reason I remained frozen by his bedroom door.
"I read the rest of the articles."
"Rory, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have written them. I..."
"I didn't realize how much I was hurting you."
"It doesn't matter. I don't care about any of that."
"I was an asshole," he said. "And honestly, I don't even know if we'd be together right now if you hadn't done all those things to get my attention. I think I might have needed that somehow." He scratched the back of his neck. He looked lost.
"It doesn't mean I should have done it."
"I'm glad you did, though. Like you said last night, you make me happy. Actually, I'm happiest when I'm with you." He picked up the sheet of paper that he had been looking at on his lap. "Is this true?"
I looked at the smudged paper. It was the first draft of my article for The Post. The one where I had poured my soul out. "Where'd you get that?"
"Connor gave it to me."
I thought about that night in the ice cream shop. Connor had picked up my trash. He must have kept that note once he had seen that the envelope was addressed to Rory. That's why he was so sure he could fix everything last night.
"Is it true?" Rory asked.
"It was true when I wrote it. But it's not true now. I'm not falling for you anymore. I know you don't believe me, but I do love you. I've completely fallen."
"Keira." He stood up and walked over to me, closing the gap between us. "I'm sorry about last night. I shouldn't have walked out on you."
"Where did you go?" It was weird to be standing so close to him without him touching me.
"I just needed to sober up before talking to you again. I swear that's it."
I didn't care where he was. If he hadn't slept with someone else, then it didn't matter. All that mattered was that he was here now. "I believe you." He still didn't try to touch me. That's how I'd know if we were okay. If he wanted me again. "Maybe we should just start over?"