“Mom found her suitcase in the laundry room. She didn’t leave, she just went to see her family. It was an emergency.”
“What happened?”
“Not my place to tell.”
All I want to do is release the breath I’ve been holding. A part of me relieved, a larger part of me angry. When Trevor noticed her bed unmade this morning and her car missing, I hated that I wasn’t surprised.
I expected to miss her again the minute she set foot on this ranch, which is why I wasn’t quick to welcome her. But the truth is, I’m not testing her.
“She doesn’t belong here.”
“Bullshit.”
“Trevor, she doesn’t. She’s a successful dancer in New York. This place will only drag her down. It’s too complicated. She needs to go back.”
“You make it sound like you have nothing to offer. She could be happy here.”
“She’ll be happier doing what she was born to do.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
“Am I? Come on.” I get up from the desk and walk past him, and he follows me to the barn where we enter through the side door, so as not to alert her that we’re watching. Harper leaps across the ring just as we get the door shut and then begins turning in circles covering the length of the elevated floor, executing each spin with precision. The song is fucking depressing, the lyrics hard to listen to. And I know they’re for me. I feel every single word. I want so much to believe her, to let her back in, but she’s made it hard to trust her. The longer she stays, the harder it’s becoming to love her at arm’s length. She’s torturing us both, and I’m struggling to do right by her.
“Jesus,” Trevor says, amazed by mere seconds of her dancing. And then I’m pulled in, rapt as she throws herself into it, every single one of her limbs poised perfectly, her physique controlled. But it’s her face that has me on high alert.
She’s crying.
Guilt consumes me as Trevor looks on awestruck by her raw talent.
“She’s so good.”
“Yeah,” I say, hearing the pride in my voice. “She’s incredible.”
I look over to Trevor. “So, tell me honestly, little brother, would you be the guy to take that ballerina and put her back in the box?”
Trevor doesn’t miss a beat. “She wants to be here, with you.”
“And I don’t want her to hate me for it.”
“I might not be as hardheaded as you, but if you can watch this without an ounce of feeling, maybe I’m looking up to the wrong guy.” He glances over at Harper and shakes his head. “This is fucking sad. I’ll be inside.”
“See? Definition of complicated. Maybe don’t be so anxious to grow up.”
He rolls his eyes, but leaves me there, just as Harper stops moving and starts sobbing into her hands.
In seconds, I’m pulling her into my arms.
Harper
Lance surrounds me in his embrace as I crumble in the middle of his ring. “He screwed everything up. For us, for you, and I can’t stay mad at him. I want to be so mad at him, Lance. And I am, I’m furious, but I love him more than his mistakes, and now he’s just gone. He’s not my dad anymore; he’s a shell. A fucking shell. And I can’t stand watching it. Everyone he loves has abandoned him. And for good reason, but his own family? They’re getting a divorce. I don’t know why I’m surprised, but…God,” I pull away from him, and he lets me go. I look up to him, emotions running rampant. “I know you hate him. You couldn’t care less about Ryan Elliot.”
Cloudy eyes peer through me. “I hate what he did, but I knew him before, and I saw how he changed. I genuinely liked him as a coach. I’m sorry you’re hurting.”
“Are you?” I glare over at him and see the honesty he’s giving me. “I can see you are. I didn’t mean that.”
“Tell me what to do,” he says, and it’s apparent, my pain is his.
“Let me back in.” It falls so easily from my lips. I close the space and lift on my toes, kissing him. “Touch me, Lance,” I beg. He goes solid, tensing beneath my fingers. “Kiss me back,” I press my lips to his and get nothing. “I need you.”
He shakes his head and grabs my hands, pushing me away gently.
“So, you regret New York?”
“Partly.”
“Leave.”
“What?”
“Leave. I’m not buying what you’re selling. I don’t believe you. Mere weeks ago, you wanted this, wanted me. Whatever has gotten into you, isn’t the truth. You’re believing the lies you’re telling yourself.”
“I believe what I can see,” he yells angrily. “That’s the truth.”
“Then fucking look at me!” I scream at him. His eyes roam me, my breaths coming fast before he darts them away. “Believe me, Lance. I know I hurt you, and you’re punishing me for it. And you’re hiding behind my dancing as an excuse to get rid of me, but that’s all it’s ever been, an excuse. I’m here because I want to be. I want you. I want us back. You can trust me, Lance. Let me back in.”
His answering silence is deafening.
All fight leaves me as I walk over to him and again lift on my toes covering several inches, so we’re eye level. I’m on pointe now as I glower at him. “It’s a thin line, Lance. And so, I’ll believe for both of us.”
Defeated, but only for the moment, I leave the ring, this round goes to him.
Dinner and a hot shower do wonders for me. Though I’m still reeling from the news about my parents, deep down, I always knew the day Dad got arrested was the day it was over for them. I expected it, but it didn’t make it any less hard to hear. Now maybe they can move on, both of them. And perhaps it’s for the best. Running a comb through my hair, I crack the bathroom door to let the steam out and hear Trevor down the hall on his headphones, talking shit on his video game.
“Yeah, me and the wife are going to do the usual tonight. It’s Friday, so that’s tacos and fetish porn.”
I burst out laughing when he pipes up again. “You ever tried mayo? It’s an edible lubricant.”
“Shut the hell up, punk,” Tony grumbles from his bedroom, and I can tell there’s amusement in his voice.
“I’ll get to you soon, honey,” Trevor quips. “Grab the new jar of mayo, it’s in the cabinet.”
Giggling, I smooth the goat’s milk lotion Jeannie gave me—made by a local farm—over my arms. It smells of Lavender, like Nana, and somewhere between the lewd jokes Trevor’s making, the atmosphere of family, and the comforting smell permeating the bathroom, I feel the same level of ease as I do in Nana’s brownstone. It’s the ease in which Lance now dismisses me that has tears threatening, but I bat them away. I came to fight for my place in his life, and he’s not making it easy. But I refuse to let his determination overtake my own.
I know he loves me. Just as much as he did seven weeks ago, two years before that and the years during, but lately, he’s making it incredibly hard to believe. The longer I stay, the angrier he seems to get. But I have to hang in there, especially when times are hard. My parents may no longer be a shining example of longevity, but his are. And they’ve overcome improbable odds. I’ll never stop dancing, and I will resume my breakneck pace once I’ve earned my place with Lance. There’s a future for us. We loved each other across space and time before, we can do it again. I just have to get him back in that mindset. Mustering up my strength, I open the door and catch Lance on the other side.