“I won’t. What’s wrong?”
The intensity in his question and his stare took me by surprise. I blinked. “Nothing. Nothing’s wrong.”
He didn’t say anything, just continued staring at me. I felt like he could see into my soul and as unnerving as that sounded, it actually made me feel seen for the first time in my life.
I lowered my voice. “I just got off the phone with Richie’s parents and it just…” I didn’t know how to explain why the call had caused me so much anxiety or why I was upset. It had to be a culmination of everything rather than just the single call. “I think it’s all just catching up to me.”
Without saying a word, he stepped inside, set the books down on the entryway table, closed the door, and pulled me into his arms.
I’d never been a big hugger, probably because neither of my parents had been affectionate people. When Ashely was born, I poured out all of the affection that I’d been missing onto her. And I’d done the same thing with Luna. But that was it.
As far as romantic relationships, I’d never cuddled or snuggled or even hugged unless it was in the context of sex. But as soon as the act was over, I didn’t want to be touched.
But when Hank put his arms around me, I never wanted him to let me go. I melted into him, absorbing his strength, his security, his comfort. It felt intimate and safe.
If I could freeze time in that moment I would. Because it was perfect.
“Mr. Hank!” Luna screamed excitedly seconds before she wrapped her arms around both of us in a three-way hug.
Scratch that, this was the moment I’d want to freeze in time.
CHAPTER 21
Hank
“One more book?” Luna held up her tiny pointer finger. Huge brown eyes that reminded me of Puss in Boots in Shrek—which was her second favorite movie—were staring up at me.
When Billy and Jimmy were little, I’d had no problem saying no to them. Was it because they were boys? I wondered if Cheyenne hadn’t gone to live with my grandparents if I’d have had just as much trouble saying no to her.
I remembered that I’d always said yes to whatever she’d wanted when I’d been in charge before Mama passed, which was a lot of the time. She’d followed Billy around, and even earned the nickname Shadow from our mom, but we’d been close, too. Whenever she was scared or had a nightmare, I’d been the one who she’d woken up. When she hurt herself, I’d been the one who she’d run to to clean her wounds and put on the Band-Aid. When her tummy hurt, I’d been the one to go get her 7UP and saltine crackers.
That was part of why it had hurt so much when my dad told me that she’d asked, no begged, to go stay with my grandparents.
“Please,” Luna’s eyes somehow got even bigger as she begged for another book.
I knew that I should say no. Four books, that was the rule. I’d been sticking to it over the past couple of weeks since her schedule was different now that she was at Mrs. Birch’s a few nights a week. I figured it was best if everyone stuck to the same routine.
But, the books that I’d brought from my attic were much shorter than some of the other books in her bedtime story library. And they had good life lessons. We’d read about telling the truth, going to the dentist, being afraid of the dark, and having a messy room.
When I’d stopped by my house to pick up an invoice I needed in the morning, I’d found the bracelet on my doorstep and I hadn’t wanted to wait days to thank her for it and I didn’t want to show up empty handed. So, I’d gone up to the attic and grabbed a few of my old Berenstain books and a couple Dr. Seuss books which had been Billy’s favorites. It was the first time that I’d seen my mom’s belongings in twenty years. Instead of wrecking me, it was actually nice to see them, comforting even.
I realized that the reason I hadn’t moved forward with renovating my house was because I’d been too afraid to face the past. I’d been scared of what it would bring up. But now I had, and I was still standing. Not only that, I was moving forward.
And I had Luna to thank for that. If that didn’t deserve another book, I didn’t know what did.
Sensing me waffling, she went in for the kill and rationalized, “I’m going to be five in three sleeps.”
It was good enough for me. I grabbed the Dr. Seuss book to mix things up.
“My, Oh My—A Butterfly,” I read the title.
“Have you ever swallowed a butterfly?” Luna asked as she yawned.
“No. People don’t eat butterflies.”
She nodded her head earnestly. “Yes, they do.”
I wasn’t sure what Luna was talking about, but I knew that she was bright and wouldn’t be saying it if there wasn’t some kernel of fact. “You think so?”
“Uh-huh, Mommy swallows butterflies when she sees you.”
“Really?” Tell me more.
“Yep. Whenever you come over, she always covers her belly and says there’s butterflies in there before she answers the door.” Luna demonstrated Skylar placing her hand on her stomach. “And sometimes it happens when she watches you working on the house.”
I knew that Skylar would most likely be mortified to find out her daughter had just outed her butterflies, but I couldn’t be happier to receive the information. It was nice to know that I wasn’t the only one who was affected. I’d hoped and been fairly sure that what I was feeling for Skylar hadn’t been one-sided. But hearing her daughter tell me that she got butterflies when I was around, was even more confirmation. I’d thought as much and noticed her reactions to me, her cheeks flushing, her breathing hitching, her nervous smiles, and catching her looking at me when I was working were all good signs. But hearing it straight from the horse’s, or in this case, pony’s mouth was very reassuring.
My lips curled up in a wide grin as I opened the front cover to begin to read the story. As soon as I did a photo slid from the book and landed on the covers beside Luna.
She picked it up and looked at it. “Who is this?”
She turned it around to show me and my chest constricted with pain. It was a picture of my mom, probably around twenty. She was barefoot, wearing a blue sundress spinning around on the beach. Whoever had taken the photo had captured her face smiling, hair shimmering under the sun as it fanned just like the skirt of her dress.
She looked happy, free, and beautiful.
“She’s so pretty. She looks like a princess.”
“Yes, she does. That’s my mom.” My throat began to close, constricting with emotion.
“Can I meet your mom?” Luna asked sweetly as she handed the photo back to me.
“I wish you could.” I wished that both Skylar and Luna could meet my mom. “But she died when I was thirteen.”
Luna shifted so she was sitting on her knees and leaned forward toward the chair I was sitting on and placed her hands on either side of my face, she looked me right in the eyes and whispered, “I’m sorry that your heart hurts.”
Then she wrapped her arms around my neck and hugged me tightly. I felt moisture begin to gather in my lower lids and it took me a second to realize what was happening. I was starting to tear up. I hadn’t cried since the night of my mom’s funeral. I’d laid in bed and sobbed. That was also the night that I found the letter she’d left me. The letter that I’d never told a single soul about. The letter that made me know I didn’t want to call the mechanic Jerry Samson. The letter I carried in my wallet and had read hundreds of times.