“No.”
“The little things that you notice but they don’t seem important in the moment. It’s later after your brain does a little juggling that those little bits and pieces come back to the forefront and you’re forced to deal with them. Right now, I’m forced to analyze the details I noticed but ignored.”
“All right, it’s obvious you’re freaking out about this,” he said. “I have a suggestion.”
“I am all ears,” I said sarcastically.
“Ask her.”
“What?”
He smirked. “That’s what I thought. You’re sitting here freaking out over something you don’t even know is real. Wouldn’t it be wise to simply ask her the question?”
“I can’t ask her if the child is mine,” I scoffed. “How weird is that?”
“It is weird, but you have some concerns. Do a little math and backtrack. If there is a real possibility Jace is yours, I think you owe it to yourself to at least ask.”
“If she hasn’t told me by now, she isn’t going to tell me.”
“Are you going to sneak a DNA sample?” he asked.
“Very funny,” I said. “No.”
“What are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. I need to think about it. I’ll go for a walk. I can’t shake this feeling. It’s really screwing with me.”
“Do you plan to outwalk it?” he joked.
“If I can,” I said.
“It would be kind of cool if you did have a kid,” he said with a laugh.
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” He shrugged. “I think it’s time you settled down. You get to skip all the baby stuff. You don’t have to change shitty diapers or get up twelve times a night. You arrived right at the fun stage.”
I shook my head. “That is not what I’m thinking about,” I said. “I’m thinking about all the stuff I did skip over.”
“Did you want a child?”
“No.”
“Then you don’t get to be upset about this. Either way, it doesn’t have to change your life. You guys met again by pure chance. She wasn’t looking for you. If the kid is yours, I don’t know if it will matter. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I looked at him. “No, I don’t think I do.”
“She didn’t ask you for child support or tell you about the kid. She doesn’t want you in his life.”
I felt like I’d been stabbed in the heart. Would she really do that? “I’m going back to my office,” I said.
“Good luck,” he said as I walked out.
I went back to my office and tried to shake off the nerves. I could see my life changing. I could feel it coming. No matter if Jace was mine or not, I knew there was going to be a change in my life. After spending time with Jace and Saige, I knew I wanted something different.
I picked up my phone to call her. My finger hovered over the button. I couldn’t do it. I put the phone down again. I wasn’t sure how one went about asking if a kid was theirs. It wasn’t like they made a Hallmark card for the situation.
If I asked her, I risked offending her. I didn’t want to upset her either. She didn’t seem to have any strong feelings for the father she claimed died, but I didn’t want to stir up bad memories for her either.
I leaned back in my chair and rubbed my hand over my face. “Fuck me,” I groaned.
Did we use protection back then? I usually did but I also assumed she would have been on the pill. Deep down, I knew it was possible, but was it plausible? I tried to reconcile what I knew about Saige with the kind of woman that would keep a child from me. It just didn’t make sense.
Chapter 67
Nash
“Thank you for coming in,” I said and got to my feet to shake the hand of the man that had almost bored me to tears with his proposal.
“When can I expect to hear from you?” he asked.
I cleared my throat and forced a smile. “I need to run some numbers and talk to my advisors,” I told him.
“I look forward to your call,” he said and left my office.
I flopped into my chair and pulled at my tie. “Fuck me, that was awful.”
The old me would have cut the guy off and pushed him out the door. I was trying to be more patient. I thought I could find a silver lining in the proposal. I couldn’t. It was a steaming pile of shit and there was nothing exciting about it. It would not make me money.
I heard the intercom beep. “Nash, there’s a call for you.”
“Who?”
“Saige Conway.”
“Put her through,” I said.
There had been a very obvious strain on our relationship this week. And I meant professional relationship. I wasn’t sure what else to call us. The whole Jace thing was still weighing heavy on me. I had purposely avoided seeing her this week. We talked on the phone a few times, but I kept it about the business. I knew she was picking up on the tension. I couldn’t do anything about that. I was still trying to get my head around what was going on.
I didn’t know what I believed, and I was too much of a coward to come right out and ask the question. Instead, I was sitting and stewing on it like it would make it better or resolve itself. It wasn’t the most mature option, but it was all I could think to do.
The phone rang. “Hey,” I answered.
“Hey, yourself,” she said.
“What’s up?” I asked.
“It’s the end of the day and I’m still here,” she complained.
“Why?”
“Because we had an account fall apart. I’m trying to save it. Apparently, the IRS is breathing down their neck and they blame us. It’s not something I can just assign to someone else.”
“Is that bad?” I asked. “Are they going to leave?”
“I’m working on it to make sure they don’t,” she said. “I’ve got a late night ahead of me.”
“Where’s Jace?” I asked. It was probably none of my business.
“He’s with Joss and Caitlyn,” she answered. “What are you doing right now?”
“I just got done with a meeting.”
“Are you hungry?” she asked.
“I thought you said you were going to be working late?”
She laughed. “I am. I was hoping you would offer to bring me dinner.”
“Ah, I see. You had an ulterior motive. You don’t really want to talk to me.”
“Sure, I do, but I’m also hungry and I know you’re probably hungry. It just makes sense we would eat together.”
I was going to have to talk to her eventually. “All right, give me an hour. Will you fade away before then?”
“I think I’ll manage to survive, but don’t be late,” she said. “I’ll see you soon.”
I ended the call. I wasn’t an idiot. I knew it was dinner with a side of sex she was proposing. I wasn’t going to turn that down. I missed her, which was very disturbing. I didn’t miss anyone, but I missed her.
I had to force myself to stay away. I wanted her too much, and if I wasn’t careful, I was going to say something about Jace. Every five minutes, I changed my opinion on the matter. Half the time, I was convinced he was mine, and the other half, I thought I was crazy to even suspect it.