“I’m fine.”
“What happened? Did you lose a few million?”
“I wish,” I muttered. “That would be a lot easier to deal with.”
“Okay, then what? And dude, seriously, don’t ignore me. I’ll break a window next time.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” I said.
“Spill,” he said. “I will bug you until you tell me.”
“He’s mine,” I said.
“He’s yours?” he asked.
“Jace. Her son. My son.”
His mouth fell open. “No shit! He’s really your kid?”
I nodded. “Yep. I asked her. She tried to tell me it didn’t matter.”
“What didn’t matter?” he asked with confusion.
“She says it doesn’t matter. She wants nothing from me. She said this changes nothing when it comes to our relationship.”
“Rewind and tell me what happened,” he said. “This does not sound like a normal conversation.”
I blew out a breath. Maybe he could help me understand it. We’d walk through it together and he could tell me what I was missing. “I asked her if Jace was my son,” I said. “Her exact words were, it didn’t matter.”
“It didn’t matter?” he repeated.
“Yes. I asked why she didn’t tell me. She said because we were broken up and I was married. I asked why she didn’t tell me when we hooked up again the second time. She just said Jace was hers. Basically, she put in the work and that was that. I didn’t get a say.”
He shook his head. “Wow.”
“No shit, wow. What am I supposed to do?”
“Does she want you to be in his life?”
“I’m going to assume no, but why does she get to decide that? I’m his father. Fuck, just saying that aloud trips me out.”
“You told me things didn’t end well the first time,” he said.
“No, they didn’t. I dumped her and got married three months later after I told her I didn’t want to be tied down. It was a dick move. I know that. I’ve apologized for it.”
“I’m assuming she was pregnant when you broke up with her? Was there any breakup sex?”
I shook my head. “No. Never. You think she was pregnant when we broke up? Why in the hell wouldn’t she tell me? I wouldn’t have married Mel. Or even if I did marry Mel, I would have been in Jace’s life.”
“Did she know that?”
“No, because she never gave me a chance.”
“I think she didn’t want to obligate you,” he said. “You’ve said you don’t want kids and the whole family thing. If you’ve said that to me a hundred times, I imagine you’ve said it to her a few times. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone who was only with me out of obligation.”
“It isn’t about her or me. It should be about him. I didn’t get to be in his life.”
“But would you have been in his life even if you did know?” he questioned.
“I’ll never fucking know, will I?” I snapped. “She took away the choice.”
“Or she gave you a gift,” he said.
“How in the hell do you figure that?”
“Because she let you live your life the way you wanted. You got to build your business. You got to marry the ex and get those doors opened you needed to be successful. If you would have been tied down—your words—would you be where you are today?”
“You make me sound like a greedy bastard,” I said.
“I’m not saying you’re greedy, but you are driven. You don’t have the time for that kind of thing.”
I threw up my hands. “Why is everyone trying to tell me what I do and don’t have time for? I’m a fucking adult. I get to decide what I have time for. I get to decide if I want to be in my son’s life.”
“She’s trying to protect him,” he said. “We’ve been over this. She is trying to keep him safe.”
“I’m not a monster,” I snapped. “I would never hurt him. I would never hurt her.”
“But you did hurt her, dude. You stomped on her heart. She doesn’t know you won’t do it again to her and the kid.”
“That was a long time ago,” I said. “Am I supposed to pay for that sin for the rest of my life?”
“I’m trying to play devil’s advocate to help you understand why she is hesitant to invite you into their lives.”
“This is bullshit. Fucking bullshit.”
“I’m really sorry it’s going down like this,” he said. “Now that you’ve ripped off the scab, maybe you can start healing this issue between you guys. You were both upset last night. Try having a conversation with her about what you both want.”
“She is acting like she is the queen, like her opinion is the only one that matters.”
“Would you prefer she demanded eight years of back child support?” he asked.
I stared at the water again. “I don’t know. Maybe. At least then I would be doing something. She’s made me feel like a deadbeat.”
“I don’t think that was her intention. She probably just figured you were living your life and she didn’t want to bother you.”
I rolled my eyes behind my dark sunglasses. “Yes, telling me I had a son would certainly have bothered me.”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I really don’t understand the situation but I’m not in it. You were privy to the conversations back then and now. You have to do what you think is right. I think you have to start by having a calm conversation.”
“I can’t. Not now. I’m too pissed to do that.”
“Has she reached out?”
“No,” I answered.
He slowly nodded. “Maybe she needs some time.”
I scoffed. “She needs time? She’s had eight years. I can’t get my head around the fact I have a son. He does look like me. He is so much like me. I would have died without knowing I had a child if I didn’t ask her. I don’t think she was ever going to tell me. She let me play pseudo-dad without giving me a single hint he was my biological son.”
“Is there any possible way he isn’t yours?” he asked.
“I would say it was possible, but the kid is my spitting image. I can’t believe I didn’t see it before. It never occurred to me it could be a possibility. If I would have known, I swear things would have been different. Do you know he’s been bullied for not having a dad? She let that kid get picked on because he wasn’t boyish enough and he didn’t have a dad. I’m right fucking here!” I slapped my chest. “She is the one that hurt him. She thinks she’s protecting him from me, but I don’t know. I’m not the one that lied to the kid. She told him his father was dead!”
He nodded and said nothing. Once I got started, I was on a roll. All the thoughts and feeling I’d been experiencing poured out of me. The flood gates had been opened. I couldn’t stop it. “You’re making a lot of good points,” he said. “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now.”
“I’m feeling pissed.”