“But you could rein it in. Establish boundaries.”
I shook my head. “I’m not interested. I don’t have time for that. I’m going to focus on getting Jace through this.”
She sighed. “All right, fine, but if those kids attack Caitlyn again, I hope Jace is around to help. Anyway, are you still working toward that goal to have your own company?”
I nodded. “I am. Now that tax season is over, I can start focusing on moving forward.”
“Moving forward and leaving Nash behind?”
I shrugged. “It was never going to be anything.”
“But it could have been,” she said.
“No, I don’t think so. He’s just not for me. I don’t think we could ever agree on anything. It would be a constant battle of wits. That takes energy I don’t have.”
She laughed and took a sip of her wine. “I think you are dismissing how much energy you have. It isn’t like there aren’t a lot of good things that go with being with someone. You’d have a partner. You would have someone to talk to and share your secrets with.”
“I have you.”
“I’m not crawling into bed with you.” She laughed.
“No, but I think I can get by without that.” I took a drink of my own wine and had flashbacks to the night before.
“Oh no,” she said. “I know that look.”
“What look?”
“You did it again!” she exclaimed.
“Did what?”
“You slept with him again! When do you find the time?”
I wasn’t going to deny it. “Last night we sent everyone home early. I wanted to celebrate a successful season.”
“In the office again?”
I laughed. “That’s what he said. It’s really the only available place. I’m not going to bring him to my place, and I don’t want to go to his place and leave Jace here. I would feel way too guilty. I have to take what I can get and that means office sex.”
“You know I don’t mind Jace staying here. Go out on a real date. Go to his place and have some real fun. I can’t imagine the office is a great place for that kind of activity.”
“It does all right, but a bed would be nice. My back can’t handle being laid out on those desks too much more.”
She almost spit out her wine. “Oh my god! That was not a visual I needed.”
“Sorry.” I laughed.
“Why don’t you like him?” she asked. “Obviously, you like him enough to have sex with him every damn day and you guys spend your weekends together. I think that is the definition of a relationship.”
“Nope. Not a relationship. I don’t have sex with him every day. We don’t spend every weekend together.”
“But Jace likes him. You like him. I don’t see what the problem is.”
“I can’t be with him,” I said.
“Why not?”
“Because he’s a player. He’s really not a great guy either. He’s fine when he is around Jace and when we’re doing the nasty, but outside of that, he’s an ass.”
She laughed. “The solution would be to keep him around Jace, and when he isn’t doing that, keep him naked. That sounds like a great relationship.”
“Very funny. I just can’t. Not with him.”
“Because you’re afraid he’ll hurt you?” she questioned.
“Yes. Me and Jace. Nash has made it very clear he has no intention of settling down. I don’t want to have him for a couple of months and then have him cast us to the side. I can’t do that. Not again.”
She nodded in that therapist kind of way. “I see. Old hurts are haunting you.”
“I like to think of it as experience guiding me. Fool me once and all that. I fell for him once. I won’t do it again. This thing he’s doing with Jace, I don’t know what it’s about, but I can’t let it happen.”
“I doubt he’s trying to be Jace’s father. You don’t have to marry the guy and make him the stepdaddy. Besides, maybe you can find happiness with him. What happened between you guys was in the past. I’m sure you’ve changed since then. Can’t you believe he changed?”
I shook my head. “I don’t have the luxury of giving him the benefit of the doubt.”
“Because you’re worried he’s going to worm his way into Jace’s life and become the father figure Jace never had?”
“Quite frankly, yes. Nash isn’t father material. I know that.”
“But he could be. He might need a little training, but he could be Jace’s father. His adopted father, that is.”
I looked away. I didn’t want to get into this conversation. “I can’t,” I whispered.
Joss was quiet for a moment. “When were you and Nash together?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You know what I mean,” she said breathlessly. “Nine years ago? Ten years?”
I nodded. “Yes.”
Her eyes widened. I could see her putting together the pieces. I knew what she was going to ask me, and I had no idea how I was going to answer her. “Saige, is Nash Jace’s biological father?” she whispered.
I looked into my glass, watching the little bubbles in the wine pop. I couldn’t answer.
“Holy shit,” she hissed. “Holy freaking shit.”
I looked up at her. I sighed and shook my head. “I’m in a bit of a pickle,” I said.
She nodded. “Yeah, you are. Holy shit. I can’t even. I don’t even know what to say.”
“I should go,” I told her. “I need to get Jace home.”
“Are you okay?” she asked me. “Like really okay? I had no idea you were dealing with so much.”
“I’m fine. I’ll be fine. I just need to think everything through.”
She reached out her hand and covered mine. “I’m here if you need to talk. You know my door is always open.”
“I do know and thank you.”
Chapter 50
Nash
Nine years ago
Things were looking up. I had sold the laundromats and was sitting on a pile of money. I had to choose my next business venture carefully. With the amount of capital I had, I could go big. The bigger the risk, the bigger the reward. If I screwed this up, I would be broke. All the hard work over the last few years would go up in smoke. I needed to be careful. I had to plan every move.
I heard my phone ring. I considered ignoring it, but I was expecting a call. I looked at the screen and recognized the number. “Hey, you,” I answered in an attempt to sound casual.
“Hi,” the breathy voice came through the phone. “I miss you.”
I cringed but reminded myself this was a necessary evil. “I’ve been busy, Mel,” I said.
“You can’t leave a girl hanging. I thought we had a great time the other night. Didn’t we?”
I licked my lips. “I did.”
“Then why haven’t you called me?” she pouted.
“I’m sorry. I was—I am—really busy. I’ve got a meeting in about five minutes. Can I call you tonight when I get home?”