He steeples his fingers against his mouth and shoots me a sidelong glance. “Did you have other options?” he asks, that same passive-aggressive tone from earlier rearing its ugly head.
“You asked me to be honest and I’d appreciate it if you were, as well. What are you really asking?”
“Was Jesse ever an option?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because I told him I didn’t want a relationship.”
Lane’s brow darts up and he meets my gaze head-on. “You were pregnant.”
“I’d already chosen you.”
He makes a throaty sound and scrubs his hands over his face. “Is that really how it went down?”
“We were back together before I found out I was pregnant.”
“For a few weeks—”
“For two-and-a-half years, Lane. We had almost two-and-a-half years of good between us and I wanted that back. I wanted the plans we’d made, the future we’d envisioned…” My voice cracks and his eyes dart to mine, the faintest crease in his brow. “I never stopped wanting that,” I whisper. “Yes, I’d wanted him for a little while, too, but my life was here.
“You were—and still are—my best friend. You have been since we met in that second year finance class and realized we were carved from the same stone. We wanted the same things. The same solid foundation for our futures and our families.”
Tears slip down my cheeks and I chase them away with shaky fingertips. “Getting pregnant at twenty-one wasn’t what I expected. And I knew that asking you to change your plans for a baby that wasn’t yours was like asking for the moon, but you never even blinked. You accepted Jett like your own.”
“You gave me a second chance,” he says, his voice low and hoarse. “I wasn’t about to lose you again.”
“And I don’t want to lose you now,” I whisper. “But we have to trust each other in order for this to work.”
“And I need to know your loyalty lies with me.”
I pull back, frowning. “Why would you ever think it didn’t?”
“A few weeks ago, when Jett fell off the jungle gym at the playground and you were worried he had a concussion, you called Jesse.”
“He’s his father.”
“And I’m your fiancé,” he says plainly. “We were halfway through dinner that night before you even bothered to mention what happened and how scared you’d been.” He pauses, shaking his head. “You were scared to fucking death and you called him, Hayden.”
“I…” I can see how that might upset him, but my priority had been to make sure Jett was okay and then let Jesse know in case something worse happened. “I should have let you know, too.”
“First,” he adds, serious eyes locked on mine. “I want to know first, Hayden.”
“Oh.” I get what he’s saying. I also get why he’s making the request, but…
“I get that he’s his father and you feel obligated to him where Jett is concerned. But you’re going to be my wife. You have obligations to me, too. To share your life with me. I deserve to be your first phone call. Always.”
I don’t know what to say. I understand, I really do, but there are some things that Jesse has every right to know about just as soon as I do. And if the tables were turned and the jungle gym incident had happened in Cole Creek, I would want to know immediately, too. In fact, I’d be livid if I wasn’t the first to know.
But this isn’t about phone calls to Jesse. It’s not even about parenting. Not really.
It’s about my relationship, friendship even, with a man who used to mean something more to me and, in a way, always will. I can’t change that and, frankly, wouldn’t if I could. Not at Jett’s expense.
And, if I’m honest, I can understand why Lane feels like he does. Because there have been times—more so lately—when I’ve caught myself grabbing my phone to text Jesse about things that have nothing to do with our son. Things I’ve simply wanted to share with him, because… well, just because.
“I’m sorry.” My voice cracks as I glance down at the ring on my finger. The ring Lane gave me a few days after Jett was born. My promise to put him first, just like he’s asking. “I didn’t realize…”
He rubs his fingers along his jaw and blows out a breath. “I’m sorry about the shit I said earlier.”
“It hurt,” I admit. “And I can see how you might be hurt, too.”
He nods and his shoulders visibly relax for the first time since we sat down. “I want this to work, babe.”
“I-I do, too.” I swallow down against the sudden ache in my chest. “We didn’t come this far for nothing.”
“No, we didn’t.” He comes to me and pulls me to my feet, his arms curling around my shoulders while he rests his chin on top of my head. “Maybe it’s time we set a date.”
In an instant, the pressure in my chest drops to my stomach and I bite my lip.
A wedding date?
What’s the rush?
Chapter 9
JESSE
“Sorry, man, I gave Fred my last drive sprocket a few weeks back.”
Dalton Kaminski shrugs from behind the counter of Kaminski & Sons, the auto and diesel repair shop he runs with his brother. It’s only nine o’clock in the morning, but the guy is already covered in grease up to his elbows.
“Don’t you usually keep extra parts in the warehouse? Especially for that old relic?” he asks, and I glower. I’m well aware that I wouldn’t be in this predicament if I’d been able to spend any amount of time in the office this month.
I scrub my hand over my face and sigh. “Yeah, normally. But since Vinnie and Wes left, I’ve been stuck behind the gears. No time for inventory.” Or anything, really.
“I can call around and see if I can find one for you, but it’ll have to wait until lunch. I promised Mrs. Janikowski I’d have her car done before noon, so she can get to bingo at the senior center. The sheriff’s calling numbers this week.”
“Nah, don’t worry about it.” I need the part yesterday, not tomorrow. “I’ll take a ride to the dealer before too much of the day is pissed away.” I lift my ball cap and run a hand over my hair. The last damn thing I want to do is make another trip south this week, but it’ll be a hell of a lot faster than calling around the heavy equipment grapevine to see if someone local has parts for an old ass piece of machinery I should have retired five years ago.
“Sorry, dude. Wish I could help you out.” Dalton slides off the stool as I head for the door.
“Not your fault I don’t have enough hours in the day,” I mutter, and he laughs.
“Yeah, I heard you were burning both ends,” he says, almost slyly. “Happens to the best of us, man.”
I glance over my shoulder. “What exactly have you heard?”
He smirks. “You know Mikayla’s my cousin, right?”
My jaw sets tight. We all grew up in this town. Of course, I friggin’ know they’re related. But that isn’t what rubs me wrong. “What’s your point?”