“Oh.” It’s all I can say with my foot planted so eloquently in my mouth.
He laughs softly. “Look at you blushing over there.”
When I fill my wine glass to the very top and take back a hefty drink, he laughs again.
“Damn, city girl, this is unexpected.”
Forget rolling away. I want to die right here, right now.
“Can we just, you know, rewind a bit?”
“Not a chance.”
God.
“I’ll make you a deal, though.” He leans forward again. “You’re obviously curious about Mikayla and I have some questions about Lane. How about we hash ‘em out?”
“That’s a horrible idea.”
“Why is that?”
“I’m not talking to you about the demise of my relationship while you tell me about your blooming one.” Wow, I don’t like sound lonely and bitter at all.
“My blooming one, huh?” His grin hitches a little higher on one side.
“That’s what I hear and, frankly, I don’t want to know more.” My poor heart can’t handle it right now.
“I think you do.” His gaze narrows and another round of heat creeps into my cheeks, because the way he’s looking at me… well, let’s just say my face isn’t the only part of my body getting warm.
“I haven’t decided what I’m going to tell Jett about Lane yet, but I’ll let you know when I do.” I glance away, because I don’t know what the hell is happening here, but it’s throwing me off-kilter and I don’t like it. Or maybe I do like it, but I shouldn’t, dammit. He has a girlfriend and I’m just barely single again.
“I’m not seeing her,” he says in a low tone, and my eyes snap back to his.
“What?”
“I’m not seeing her,” he repeats, shrugging.
“But I saw… I mean, it sure looked like…” Every single person at the party saw what I did, I know they did. “You had lipstick on your face when you came back inside.”
“She kissed me goodbye when I told her I wasn’t interested anymore.”
“So, you were seeing her, then.”
He holds my gaze for several beats, like he’s trying to tell me something without actually saying it. And then it hits me.
“Oh.” Oh. I laugh uncomfortably, adjust my perfectly intact bun, and top off my glass again for the hell of it. “In that case, I definitely don’t need to know.”
“One time,” he husks and goose bumps wash over my bare skin. “A few months back.”
One time. I have absolutely no right to feel relieved, but I am. So freaking relieved.
“Not my business.”
“I know it’s not, but it’s clearly been on your mind.” His eyes narrow again. “The question I have now is why the thought of me being with someone else bothers you so much.”
Oh boy. Goodbye relief and hello humiliation.
JESSE
I didn’t plan on having this conversation with her, tonight or ever, really. But she’s looking at me in a way that makes me feel like the biggest asshole on the planet and not because she looks disappointed…
Because she looks jealous.
“It doesn’t bother me,” she lies, her lashes batting over those pretty eyes. Eyes that are bloodshot again, but still so fucking pretty. “And you don’t need to explain yourself. Really.”
“I want to.” I shouldn’t, but I do, because for some reason, Hayden knowing that I haven’t been fucking everything on two legs seems important. For my own peace of mind and, if the way she’s chugging that wine is any indication, hers, too.
She hesitates, her gaze trained on the glass in her hand. “I’ve just… I’ve never seen you with anyone before. It caught me off guard and it shouldn’t have.”
Yeah, well, I love that it did. As much as she’s trying to downplay it, she wouldn’t have cared about Mikayla… if she didn’t care.
“I know you’ve dated. Or I assumed, anyway. But it wasn’t something I’ve kept tabs on or even thought about. Much.”
“Much?”
Her cheeks flush and she tucks an invisible strand of hair behind her ear. “We share a child. Of course I’ve been curious about you finding someone Jett might want to call Mom someday, too.”
“Did he call Lane Dad?”
“No.”
Damn right, he didn’t. “I would never let Jett call another woman Mom, Hayden. That’s your right. Your privilege. No one else’s.”
Her eyelashes flutter and she closes her eyes, biting her lips together like she’s trying not to cry.
“The only girl he’s ever met was Mikayla, and that’s because she happened to be at the pub when we were there the other night.”
“He told me,” she says quietly, and then her eyes meet mine again. There’s a softness there. Glittering emotion, backed by a genuine effort to understand. “And, honestly, while it caught me off guard, don’t think for a second that I have an issue with it. Jesse, you’re too good of a guy not to share yourself with someone special.”
The only someone special I want is her, but as badly as I want to tell her that, I won’t be that guy. Not yet. Not when she’s still hurting.
“I don’t have the time a woman deserves right now.” That admission certainly isn’t going to convince her that she should have chosen different four years ago or even now, but it’s the truth. A truth I would work even harder to remedy… for her.
“Oh, because you work too much?” she quips, one perfect eyebrow lifting above a small, knowing smile.
“Don’t you dare say I told you so.” I chuckle and she wrinkles up her nose.
“Oh, I would never.”
“Mmm hmm.” I gulp down the last of the water and recap the empty bottle. “Anything else you want to know about my love life, city girl?”
“No.” She shakes her head, despite the lingering curiosity in her eyes. “Just… if you wanted more than you know she seems like she’d be worth the effort.”
You know? God, she’s cute. “That isn’t where my head is right now.”
“Because you’re too busy.”
I swallow and nod.
“How can I help you?”
“Help me?”
“I’m here for at least a couple of weeks and I have some free time on my hands. What can I do to help?”
“Hayden, you have your own work to do and I would never ask you—”
“You’re not asking me, I’m offering.” She comes forward to the island, sets her glass down, and locks her dark eyes on mine, in a way I imagine she probably does to Jett when she’s trying to be assertive. “My job leaves me with plenty of extra time during the day, so don’t argue with me about this.”
Jesus fuck, I want to kiss that sass right off her lips.
“As generous as that is, I’d like you, of all people, to keep thinking I have my shit together.”
She pulls back with a scrunched up face. “What the heck does that mean?”
“It means I don’t need you seeing me for what I really am.” I chuckle, but there’s nothing funny about it. I don’t want to let her down.