“I gotta poop first!” he announces and then the pitter patter of feet heads back down the hall toward the bathroom.
“Wipe your butt good!” I call after him and Jesse chuckles.
“So, how do we use this story, exactly?”
“I think we just add to it and build on what he already knows and understands.”
He ponders that for a second and then nods. “You’re a friggin’ genius.”
“I mean, I have my moments.” I flash a cheeky grin and his arms tighten around me.
“Are the prince and princess gonna share a bed? Because I was kinda hoping for a sleepover tonight.”
“I haven’t even seen your room yet. For all I know, you sleep on a twin bed.”
He lifts an eyebrow. “You got a problem snuggling and shagging, college style?”
“I wouldn’t know. I never tried it.”
“What do you mean, you never—”
“All done!” Jett comes running into the kitchen in his pajamas with John Deere tucked beneath his arm. “No poop. Just farts.”
Oh, good Lord. “Did you wash your hands?”
“Yup! Snuggle time?”
“Sure is, little man.” Then to me, Jesse says, “Leave the dishes. I’ll get them loaded up later.”
I nod and blow out a breath, suddenly nervous. I’m not worried that Jett isn’t going to understand Jesse and I spending more time together. It’s the fact that he still has questions about Lane that I don’t know how to answer yet. And I really don’t want to talk about that tonight.
Jesse takes Jett’s hand and I follow them to the family room where we curl up on the couch with Jett between us.
“Watch a movie?” he asks, but Jesse shakes his head.
“Not tonight, little man.” He stretches an arm across the back of the couch, his fingers grazing my shoulder. “So, I heard you told your mom about our super-secret bedtime story.”
Jett’s little forehead scrunches up in confusion, so I whisper, “The princess story,” and his mouth forms an adorable O.
Then he blurts out, “Mama cried, Daddy.”
Jesse’s eyes dart to mine and his voice is sweet and hushed when he asks, “You cried, babe? Really?”
“She was sad,” Jett says before I can answer. “She was like the lonely princess!”
I smile, even as emotion gathers in my chest. “Come here, sweet pea. Sit on my lap while Daddy tells us the story.”
Jesse pulls in a deep breath and twists toward us, one hand on Jett’s knee while our little boy snuggles into my chest.
“This time the story is going to be a little different, little man, so listen closely, okay?”
Jett nods and Jesse begins, his voice slow and sweet.
“Once upon a time, there was a lonely prince. He lived in a tiny village filled with family and friends, but for some reason, whenever he laid down to sleep at night, all he could think about was how lonely he was. He wished he had someone to live with him. Someone that he could hang out with when everyone else was asleep.
“One night, when he couldn’t sleep because he was so lonely, he took a walk by the creek and he came across a pretty princess sitting by the water…”
“And she was lonely, too, right, Daddy?” Jett pipes up, and my heart hiccups.
“Yep, she sure was.” Jesse’s eyes meet mine again before he continues, his fingers gently resting on my shoulder. “She told the prince that she couldn’t sleep either, because, despite having lots of family and friends just like the prince did, she longed for someone to keep her company when she closed her eyes at night, too.” He pauses and it’s all I can do to breathe.
“So, the prince sat with her for a while and they came up with a plan to spend more time together, especially at night when they were the loneliest. They’d meet at the creek and they’d talk for hours and hours. Sometimes they’d even talk until the sun came up the next morning.”
“But they were still lonely,” Jett sighs.
“Yes, little man, they were,” Jesse answers, but he’s not looking at our son. He’s staring into my tear-filled eyes. Even though I’ve heard a variation of this story before and I know how this version is going to end, hearing him tell it is far sweeter than I imagined.
“Go on.” I place my hand over his on Jett’s knee and squeeze lightly.
He clears his throat and continues. “The prince and the princess decided that they should have a baby—a little boy, in fact—that could take turns staying with each of them. The arrangement wouldn’t take away all of their loneliness, but it would mean that on some nights, the princess would have the little boy’s company and sometimes, the prince would. The nights the little boy didn’t spend with them, the prince and the princess would each dream about when he’d return and that anticipation would carry them through even their loneliest days.”
Silent tears stream down my face and I have to press my cheek into Jett’s hair to keep from letting them get the best of me.
“Then one day, the prince and princess got to thinking… what if, instead of them taking turns with their little boy, they spent more time together again? And not just the two of them, but all three of them as a family, so they would never have to be lonely again?”
Jett looks up to me quickly and then back to Jesse and smiles. “Like us!”
“Exactly like us,” Jesse sighs. “Your mom and I have spent a lot of time sharing you, little man. And you know how sometimes when you’re here with me, you miss your mom?”
Jett nods and tucks his head beneath my chin again.
“I miss her, too. And the more time we spend together with you, just like this, the more I miss her when she’s gone.”
“You love her, Daddy?”
Jesse glances down, jaw tight, as his thumb begins to stroke anxiously over Jett’s knee. When he looks up again, his face is flushed and the whites of his eyes are pink. “I’ve always loved your mom, little man. And I always will, because without her, I wouldn’t have you.”
A lump forms in my throat, but I choke it down. “And I love your daddy, too, sweet pea. In fact, I love the both of you so much that I was thinking we would start calling you Jett Alexander Enders instead of Jett Alexander Foss. What do you think?”
“I don’t know how to write that,” he sighs, and I laugh softly, smoothing his hair back from his forehead.
“We’ll teach you, baby. And you’re such a smarty pants that you’ll have it down in no time.”
“How does all of this sound to you?” Jesse asks. “Do you feel sad or scared or confused about anything?”
He shakes his head, then, “We going home, Mama?”
That lump in my throat drops to my stomach even though I expected he’d ask again. After all, this is the part that will be hardest for him to understand.
Jesse turns his hand over beneath mine and tangles our fingers, as if sharing his strength.
“Remember when I told you we weren’t going to live in our house in Green Bay anymore?”
“But my dump truck bed…” His bottom lip sticks out as his voice softens and cracks.
“We’ll get your bed and bring it here, how does that sound?” Jesse offers. “In fact, you can bring all of your stuff here. All of your toys, your books, your clothes… everything.”