He steps into the kitchen, shoulders rolling as he shivers from the contrast of cool rain and warm cabin. “Wow, this is a blast from the past.”
Mmm hmm. He always loved the cabin, because our visits usually involved a big party and a bunch of friends from the city. His opportunity to get pig drunk, pass out, and not have to worry about getting kicked out of a bar or hauled off to jail.
“Is Jett here?” he asks over his shoulder. “It’s your weekend, right?”
If Jesse and I were keeping track, yes. “He’s at a sleepover.”
“Really? He’s made friends here already?”
“Jesse’s cousin has two little boys around his age.”
“Ah. Good for him.” He forces a smile as I walk past, putting some distance between us and lingering between the kitchen and living room. “I was hoping to see him, but that’s okay. Next time.”
“Why are you here?” I ask bluntly. “I know it isn’t because you wanted to see Jett.”
His brows lift slightly. “You don’t know that.”
“Actually, I’m pretty sure I do. You wanted your freedom. You couldn’t have made it any clearer that you hated being tied down.”
“I hated that we never had time, Hayden. The two of us. It was never about Jett.”
I could argue against that six ways to Sunday, but what’s the point? He’d just amp up his denial game and we’d go in circles.
“We’ll figure something out so he can see you. Maybe with Hannah and the kids or—”
“I want to take him to Bay Beach one of these weekends. Go on some rides, play games—”
“No.”
“Why not?” he snaps.
“You can see him with Hannah,” I say again.
“I don’t need to be fucking supervised. For God’s sake, I helped raise him for four years.”
“And in all of those four years, you never once took him out like that.”
“Don’t you dare try and make me out to be some asshole. He just turned four. There wasn’t much we could do before now.”
“I took him to the park several times a week so he could play. We went for ice cream and to the zoo all the time.” There’s nothing he can say that will make me believe there wasn’t something he could have done, some effort he could have made.
“I didn’t come here to argue with you.”
“Then tell me what you did come for, because the clock is ticking. I have dinner to pick up and—” I stop myself from finishing the sentence, because I definitely do not want to go there with him right now.
“And what?” he asks, eyes narrow as he takes a step forward. “How exactly have you been spending your time here?”
“That’s none of your business.”
His serious expression gives way to a laugh, those dark eyes still pinned on me. “Wow. You really did come here for Jesse, didn’t you?”
“I already told you that I’m here for Jett.”
“Yeah, but maybe Jett’s well-being is only part of it. Shit, Hayden, you accuse me of being selfish, but it seems to me that’s exactly what you’re doing.” He shakes his head. “You’re gonna fuck that kid up with this bullshit.”
“It’s not bullshit. He’s happier here than he’s ever been.” Yes, he’s struggled here and there with missing Lane, but those moments are nothing like the tears and sadness of missing Jesse over the past few years.
“And what about you? Are you happier, too, now that you got your little family together?”
“Don’t you dare belittle me.”
He lifts his chin and stares down his nose, jaw set. “Are you fucking him already?”
Instantaneous heat fills my face, but I stand tall. “Time’s up. You need to go.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He takes another step forward and chills run down my spine. “We were going to get married, Hayden. We had a future planned and you want to throw it all away for some weak ass guy who didn’t even have the balls to fight for you?”
A handful of emotions burst into flames in my chest and I want to scream at him and tell him that Jesse did fight. He fought every freaking day to be the best dad he could be for our son, in a situation that would have broken so many other men.
He fought every time he showed up at our door and had to see me living a life with someone else. And he sure as hell fought when he willingly left his heart in my hands and went home alone every other Sunday afternoon.
Setting his feelings aside wasn’t Jesse being weak—it was Jesse being the strongest man I’ve ever known.
“I wasn’t perfect, Hayden. Not even close. But you said it yourself—there’s a reason we lasted as long as we did, and it’s because we never gave up on each other.”
“Maybe we should have.” I don’t say it to be a bitch, but it’s the truth. We both held on for too long and for the wrong reasons.
He tips his head to the side, with what looks like genuine remorse in his eyes. “I’ve loved you since we were nineteen-years-old. Yeah, I fucked up. Yeah, I sent you into his arms, but you came back to me, Hayden. To me, not him.” His voice is low and almost sad and, dammit, I will not feel bad for him.
“But I knew, babe. I knew the first time I saw you after you’d been with him, and I damn sure knew after I found that fucking letter.” He shakes his head. “Maybe I should’ve let you go, but I hated knowing you’d run to him. Hated even more that he’d somehow made you feel more in two weeks than you’d ever felt with me.
“I tried, Hay,” he continues on. “I tried so fucking hard to be what you wanted and I think here and there I was. We had our problems, but not everything about us was wrong, either. You know it as well as I do.”
“There’s no point to this conversation,” I plead with him. “What’s done is done.”
“No, it’s not.” He shakes his head again. “In fact, you do what you think you need to do here and, when it goes to shit—because it will, Hayden—you let me know. We’ll forget this ever happened.”
“I don’t want to forget,” I whisper, and his face contorts as if I stabbed him in the chest.
“I know you love me,” he rasps.
“A part of me will always love you.”
“Then come home—”
“Is there a problem here?” Out of nowhere, Jesse appears in the kitchen, his brow pinched as he shuffles forward slowly, thumbs hooked in his jeans.
He’s the picture of cool and calm, but when his arms flex and his jaw tightens and blue flames blaze in his eyes, I know better.
I’ve never been so happy to see him… and I’ve never been more terrified, either.
Chapter 29
JESSE
Hayden’s face is a mixture of shock and relief, but it’s the asshole standing between us that has my attention.
“Well, well…” Lane pivots around slowly, a smirk on his cocky, pretty-boy face. “Color me shocked that you’d show up.”
“Lane.” I dip my chin, my steady tone belying the instantaneous rage that had rolled in my veins when I turned into the driveway and saw his car. “Didn’t know you were coming to town. Something you needed?”