But with time had come distance. Not peace because I doubted I’d ever have that again. I’d allowed myself to believe the past was buried, and given the appearance of that video, the past had come back with a vengeance.
Was I the target of the video or collateral damage?
Molly had taken my phone and forbidden me to ask what was going on outside my hospital room. I couldn’t help but think she might be right. I didn’t have the strength to wade into that kind of drama again. I didn’t have the heart for it.
If this last thing meant my career was over, so be it. I’d photograph dogs at a PetSmart rather than spend another minute having to answer for choices I’d made when I was still a kid.
Here was the paradox: I needed to work, but I didn’t need to earn money. Between my trust fund and my father, I’d never want for anything in my life.
Why, oh why, did I keep trying to prove myself to people who would never absolve me of something I didn’t do in the first place? I was done. That part of my life was over. That video was the final straw. The images burned into my brain.
The door to my room opened, and Stone came inside. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
“Alastair says you’re having surgery tomorrow.”
“I guess.” I didn’t want to look at him.
“Is something wrong?”
Tears stung my eyes. “Do you remember being sixteen?”
He came forward and sat. “Some.”
“What were you like?”
“Dumb.” He folded his hands. “My family’s military, so there was never a doubt I’d enlist. I hated school, and I figured college wasn’t in my future, so it was a good fit.”
“And you had a high school sweetheart. You wanted to get married, right?”
“When I was sixteen?” I couldn’t remember when friendship had turned into love between Serena and me. It had happened so gradually. She said she despaired of me ever catching a clue. “I wasn’t into girls yet. Track and field was my thing. I ran for miles and miles every day and built my upper body strength to prepare for boot camp.”
“Didn’t you feel like you were ready to go? Like eighteen was some arbitrary line in the sand, and you had worked and strived and didn’t need anyone to tell you when you were grown up enough to go after what you wanted?”
“Of course I felt that way. Everyone does. But I couldn’t have enlisted at sixteen. I had to wait, so I used the time to prepare.”
“By sixteen, I’d been working steadily for fifteen years. I had finished a high school education and was taking college courses with people four years older than me. I had money and had traveled all over the world. I spent most of my time in the company of people my father’s age.”
“And you like older men.”
Was he guessing, or had I told him that? I couldn’t remember.
He tilted his head, and I couldn’t read his expression. “You can stop me if you don’t want to talk about it, but I saw that video. I think I understand what you’re saying. That night, maybe other nights, people you trusted took advantage of you. They hurt you.”
I nodded.
“And that made you reevaluate how you saw yourself?”
I nodded again. “I thought they liked me. They acted like I was part of the group, but all they were doing was using me.”
“I’m so sorry that happened, but whatever you did or thought, they had no right to take anything you didn’t offer freely. Whatever you were like at sixteen, you were not to blame for their criminal acts.”
“You don’t know what happened.”
“I don’t have to know. You were sixteen.”
“Right.” I laughed bitterly. “I used to go out and get wasted with those guys. There’d be coke, pot, molly, opiates. I’d be sore and fuzzy headed the next day and my memory would be really hazy, but I just thought…wow, I drank too much or took something too strong. I never imagined someone actually drugged me until that night.”
“What happened?”
“Dad came by Mom's place the next day. He and I were supposed to have brunch. He took one look at me and called an ambulance. I was bruised and so out of it I couldn’t remember what had happened. I had dried blood under my fingernails.”
“So your dad got the police involved?”
“That was just the beginning. We filed a police report. Do you know how many of those end up in limbo when someone is famous or rich or powerful? Dad hired investigators, found all the players, and sued the studio. Age of consent in California is eighteen, plus, most of those men had power over my career in some way. We settled out of court. They required a bulletproof NDA. Dad said that was the best we could hope for, and after the whole Me Too movement broke out, I realized how right he was. People got away with everything back then.”
“All of that is in your past.” When I started to argue, Stone held up his hand. “I don’t mean that you should forget it. Rather, why would anyone want to start the story going again.”
“I don’t know. Dad says he’s hired people to find out…but…I can’t go through all that again. Do you understand? I can’t.”
“You shouldn’t have to. Can’t you just walk away for a while?
“You don’t know what it was like,” I said angrily. “Reporters called at all hours of the day and night. Paparazzi followed my every move. I couldn’t go anywhere or do anything on my own. Ever. And the online trolls. Oh my God. I can’t do it.”
I tried to turn away before the first tears fell, but Stone caught my face between his hands and held it. “Bast. You certainly can walk away from that. Let your Dad handle the investigation. Let Molly be your eyes and ears for a while. Turn off your electronics and walk away.”
“How?” he asked. “Where can I go that they can’t just get to me any time I step outside?”
“You’re going to be stuck in the hospital for at least a few more days, then you’ll need to recuperate, probably for months. Come to Colorado with me. My cabin’s not huge, but I have an office and a guest room. If reporters try to stake you out, I live in a compound with fifteen hybrid wolfdogs. The outer grounds, where Ariel and Taggart live, house around eight wolves. We take security very seriously. There’s no way in or out without Ariel’s permission.”
“You’d really let me stay at your place?”
He flushed. “Of course. We’re friends, aren’t we?”
“You’ve been really nice to me, but you’ve only known me for a few days.”
“Maybe I recognize a kindred spirit.”
The door opened, and Molly came in along with Dad and Morrigan, who wore her very identifiable service harness and marched in docilely on a short leash. She looked to Stone for permission before poking her nose up and looking at me.
“How’d you get the dog in here?”
Dad grinned. “I invoked the Americans with Disabilities Act. There’s a Marine veteran here who needs his certified support animal.”
“I’m not a patient, though. That’s why they said she couldn’t come in.”
“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.” Dad patted Stone’s shoulder.