“Gil...” My heart smashed against my ribs. “Stop.”
“You didn’t ask to come first, but you were. I put you first. I never wanted you to be hurt. I did everything I could to stop people taking away what you wanted because you deserved someone to fight for you. Someone to look after you as well as you looked after everyone else.”
Tears gathered. “Is that what you did? Did you leave to...protect me?”
He stiffened, his own grief glittered. “It doesn’t matter.”
“Don’t. Don’t shut down. Tell me!”
His gaze fell to the photo of me on the ground. “None of that matters now.” His energy siphoned down his legs and soaked into the ground, leaving him downcast and tragic. “Time has run out. We have to go inside.”
“Let me go home.” My pulse pounded. “Whatever you think you have to do, you don’t. Gil, please.”
He sighed brokenly. “I told you, you weren’t safe with me, O.” He couldn’t hide the heartsickness inside. “Maybe now you’ll believe me.”
“I won’t let you do something that I know isn’t you!”
He reached for me. “I wish it was that easy.”
I ducked away; I spun to run.
But my back hadn’t recovered from my idiotic attempt at dance. My knees hadn’t forgiven me. My broken and pieced together body wasn’t limber or swift like it once was.
I moved.
He moved faster.
His hand locked around my wrist, jerking me to a halt. “I tried to stop him from having you. I truly did.” His other hand cupped my throat as if we were two lovers beneath the stars. His thumb ran along the column of my neck, burning with snow and shaking with regret. “I told him I’d do whatever it took. I’d do things I’d refused to do. I’d pay any price. I’d stay in servitude for the rest of my godforsaken life. All to protect you.” His forehead nudged mine as he pulled me into him. “I would’ve given anything to protect you, but his price is too high. I can’t save you both.”
“What are you talking about?” I struggled to release myself, wriggling in his hold. But he was too strong. Too focused. Too lost.
“Him. The man who owns me heart and soul.”
“Who?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“Stop saying that!” Anger washed through me. “I hate that reply. It does matter. It matters! Tell me. What does that bastard have over you?”
Gil dragged me into him. A hug full of menace and apology. His free hand threaded through my hair to cup the base of my skull. With a tattered sigh, he kissed my forehead with glacial lips.
A kiss that throbbed with true love. “I’m just as in love with you as I was back then...did you know that?” His breath warmed my skin before pulling away and nuzzling his nose with mine. “I’ve always been in love with you. This will end me. I might save a life by taking yours...but mine has been forfeit ever since I lost you the first time.”
I closed my eyes, seeking strength. “I don’t know what any of this means. I’m so sick of not knowing.”
“It means, I love you. I always have. I always will.”
My lashes soared upward, locking our gazes together. “If you love me, stop this. Come with me. We’ll go to the police. They’ll—”
“Lock me up for so many crimes. I deserve to be put in a cage. I’ve been avoiding punishment for years. But I can’t be incarcerated because then I can’t save her.”
“Her?”
His entire body flinched.
A hitch caught in his chest.
Agony tiptoed over me. “Who is she, Gil?”
“Someone who comes first.” His whisper shattered me into bleeding, gasping shards. “I’d die for her. I probably will die for her. And you...” His stare shredded mine. “You’ll...” His voice broke. He shook his head, swallowing hard. “We’ll all probably die...but I have to try.”
“Don’t.” I fought in his embrace. “The police will listen to what you’re going through. They won’t lock you away without cause.”
He huffed blackly. “They have cause. So many fucking causes.”
“I’m sure if we talk to them...” My voice wavered as more tears trickled down my face. “Gil...please. You’re not alone anymore. You don’t have to fight this by yourself. No one...no one has to die.”
“If I knew it would save both of you...I’d slit my wrists right here.”
“Don’t say that. What sort of world would it be if you weren’t in it?” I tried to touch him gently, to shove aside my fear and hug him tight. But self-preservation howled in my blood, desperate to run, screaming to flee.
“Goddammit, Olin.” He stepped back, pulling me toward the open door and the darkness beyond. “Even now, you’re still so good. You still think I can be redeemed.”
“You can.”
“No, I can’t.” He jerked me closer to death. “I love you so much it’s ripping my fucking heart out, but I can’t stop this.”
Tugging against his pressure, I scratched at his fingers. “If you love me, you’d find a way.”
“There is no way. Believe me...I’ve tried.”
“Tried what?”
“To stop him. To end him.”
I shivered. “What does that mean? You have to give me more—”
“It means love isn’t enough.” He sighed painfully, stepping over the threshold and dragging me inside with him. The warehouse seemed to twist and moan with denial at what was about to happen in its walls.
“Gil. Don’t.” I fought. I pulled, but my struggle was nothing to him. His strength far eclipsed mine.
I wanted to scream and yell, but instead, I kept my voice low and urgent. “I love you too, Gil. I don’t think I ever stopped, even when you broke my heart. Even now, when you’re scaring me. So whatever you’re doing, stop it. Talk to me. We can figure this out. Whatever is going on can be solved if we work together—like old times, remember?”
I hoped he’d listen. That he’d hug me. Kiss me. Beg for forgiveness and tell me this was a cruel joke or a massive mistake.
But he didn’t.
He kept dragging me toward the stage where his finished masterpieces would stand for photos and critique. A place we’d had sex on. A place we’d bound ourselves together in more than just paint and affection. A place that now held a rope and a gag.
I struggled harder. “Gil...stop it. Stop it right now.”
He stayed silent. His shoulders stooped. His body beaten. “I can’t.”
“Yes, you can. Just let me walk out the door. I’ll...I’ll vanish. I’ll—” Nastiness and spite filled me, mixing with my pleas. “I’ll disappear like you did all those years ago. You’ll never have to see me again.”
He caught my gaze as he slowed to a stop and held me prisoner by the podium. “The thought of never seeing you again shatters what’s left of me.”
“Then don’t—”
“I don’t have a choice, Olin! I never had a choice.”
“You do! Everyone does.”