But I had someone else who needed me more.
And if her mother refused to give her the world; if her mother would rather throw her to the hounds of hell, then I would do it.
I would be there for her over my own messes.
I would fight her battles at the cost of my own.
I would never stop putting her first.
Above everyone.
“I’m done.” I sighed, bored and no longer afraid of this sad, bitter woman. “Go away.” Tucking my tiny daughter into my chest, I rocked her.
This was my legacy.
She was my reason for existing.
Tallup swallowed, watching me closely with a tilt of her head. “So...you’ll keep her?”
I nodded with a stern stare.
“Will you tell anyone where she came from?” Her eyes might stay narrowed and full of threats, but her lips worried with consequence. She was afraid I’d tell everyone our story. That I’d drag my daughter through court cases, prison sentences, and foster care.
No way.
No fucking way.
I dropped my head and inhaled the sweet hair of my child. “I’m leaving. Tonight.”
She froze. “Leaving? Where?”
“Don’t know. Don’t care.” I looked away from her, brushing back the fleece to stare at my daughter’s tiny, adorable face. She slept in my arms. Trusting me to hold her and not drop her. Believing she’d wake to warm food and unconditional love. Knowing I’d be there to keep her safe, just as I’d tried to keep Olin safe.
And I would.
Nothing would stop me from loving her.
She had me for eternity.
I’d failed O, but she had Justin now.
I wouldn’t fail this new love of my life.
Tallup pointed a finger in my face. “If you say anything—”
“Enough.” I just smiled. Totally unaffected and free from her wrath. “You’ll never see me or my daughter again.” Stepping back into the house I’d shared with drunkards and whores, I grabbed the door. “Goodbye, Jane Tallup.”
I slammed the old wood in her face.
The rattle woke up my daughter.
Her eyes blinked with fuzzy sleep, her mouth opened like a tiny bird’s, and her frustrated grumble made overwhelming affection and debilitating fear crest over me.
What did I know about raising a child?
What did I know about finding a place to live, a job that paid, childcare to source, food, diapers, medicine, kindergarten, and all the other things that came with a lifetime commitment to another?
I didn’t have a clue.
I can’t do this.
But then my daughter opened her eyes again, blinking and bold and huge.
And I knew that I could.
One day at a time.
For her.
Marching through the house, I grabbed a bag, stuffed some clothes, my art supplies, and the wad of cash my father kept from his johns into the depths.
It was the first time I’d ever stolen from him.
He’d promised to kill me if I ever did.
After tonight, he’d never find me.
Slinging the bag over my shoulder, I looked down at my daughter again, my heart fisting at her sigh of contentment.
Her big eyes were closed in slumber, quiet and safe.
She looked like a baby owl.
A big-eyed, intelligent baby owl.
Like the nickname I’d used for Olin.
Fuck, O.
My chest imploded as my heart stopped beating.
In a few short hours, I would’ve gotten on my knees before her and asked for a second chance. We might’ve found our way back to each other. We might’ve been happy.
But now...I’d never see her again.
I’d never be able to kiss her or beg for her forgiveness.
She would always think I’d abandoned her, turning her deeper into Justin’s arms, sealing a marriage between them.
That was my only regret.
I’d leave this town, and O would never know where I’d gone.
She’d never know why I shut her out.
Never guess why I removed my love.
Never understand that the girl I held in my arms was the cause of all of it.
I’m sorry.
So fucking sorry.
With my meagre possessions and brand new baby, I slipped from the whore house, stole through the streets, and bought a train ticket to London.
I never looked back.
Chapter Two
______________________________
Olin
-The Present-
“GIL...DON’T.”
He gritted his teeth, wrapping the rope tighter around my wrists.
“Stop it.” I wriggled and squirmed, trying to be free of him.
“Don’t make this any harder than it is,” he breathed, tying a knot and jerking me forward.
I fought against him, bracing against his pull.
His hand slipped on the rope, giving me a fraction of a second.
I spun and bolted.
I managed a few terrified strides before his boots thudded behind me.
He caught me so easily.
He spun me around, picked me up, and carried me to the podium. Big fat tears rolled down my cheeks, unable to believe what he’d done. In all the times he’d ever touched me, he’d restrained the power and violence he wielded so effortlessly now. He had a strength that controlled me with barely any effort whatsoever.
That alone sent my heart galloping uselessly in my chest. My back prickled with nervous sweat. My chest fluttered with anxious breath. And I moaned in disbelief as he plopped me onto the stage and kicked out my legs, forcing me to sit on the edge.
I sat with a jar, my teeth clacking together as I dared look up at the kidnapper I should’ve been afraid of but never suspected. “Why do you get to decide what my life is worth?” My voice teased with a whisper but throbbed with condemnation.
He bit his bottom lip, his eyes narrowed and afflicted. “I don’t.”
“Yet you’re playing God.”
He reached for more rope. “I’m doing what’s necessary.”
“No, you’re doing what he wants you to do.” A fresh swell of tears tried to make me weak. “Don’t do his dirty work, Gil. Don’t—”
“I made a promise.” His head hung, his hands feathering over my ankles as he wrapped the rope around them and tied an intricate knot. “I promised my daughter that I would always protect her. No matter the cost.” His voice caught. “No matter the pain.”
“What about my pain?”
His head dropped lower, his messy, tangled hair dancing with his eyelashes. “I’ve always caused you pain...this is no different.”
“This is you taking my life, Gil. This isn’t a breakup. This isn’t some misunderstanding. You’re tying me up to kill me.” I tried to capture his gaze. “Listen to me. Look at me. Are you really prepared to kill someone who loves you? Someone you love?”
“I’m prepared to do whatever it takes to keep her safe.”
Every muscle shut down. I swayed as his words fisted around my heart and squeezed its last beat.
His admission was the correct answer for a father in love with his daughter.
But his loyalties cost me so much trust. It siphoned out of me, slipped through the ropes, and puddled at my feet.
My trust in him, in us...was broken.