O backed up, welcoming us. “Of course. Come in. It seems my home is now your home.”
“Only for tonight.” I cleared my throat. “I won’t put you out any longer than that.”
O nodded. “One night, one week. It’s fine.” Her smile was genuine, but her eyes remained guarded. She’d returned to the sympathetic sweet friend who always put others first. No sign of the explosive heat from the week before. No hint of the heart-breaking farewell.
Goddammit, the agony was more than I could bear.
My back prickled as Justin practically shoved me inside, moving to give O a kiss on the cheek. “Olin. You’re looking gorgeous as always.” He winked, making her chuckle.
“Yeah, jeans and old t-shirt totally deserve compliments like that.”
“They do if they fit you that well.”
“If you like them so much, you wear them. Let’s see if the t-shirt becomes a bra on you or a crop top.”
Justin laughed. “God, no one wants to see that.”
“Seriously, no one.” O smiled.
Their friendship was no longer stilted with history but smooth with familiarity.
For the first time, I wondered.
Wondered if Justin still had feelings for O. If O still had feelings for him.
I shut those thoughts off straight away. There was only so much torture I could tolerate.
“Come in. Come in.” O backed up, catching my eye again with a hurried glance. The second we locked gazes, the world faded, noise silenced, and that damn connection that would destroy me until my dying day hissed like wildfire.
I couldn’t take my eyes off the girl I’d loved since I was a teenager. I couldn’t stop looking at the smudges under her pretty hazel eyes or the tense strain I’d put there. The strain of being a good friend while never wanting to see me again.
Justin pushed past, breaking our moment.
I followed, lugging in the two duffels of paint and work equipment. O’s apartment wasn’t exactly big enough to expect her to store my shit as well as put us up as house guests, but I couldn’t exist without the ability to paint.
Just like when I was younger, it was the only thing that cured me of the constant chatter in my head. The worries, the guesses, the failures.
Moving forward, my arm brushed against O’s.
She stiffened and backed away. That slight movement was as sharp and as deadly as a blade to my chest. My shoulders sank. “Can’t get rid of me, huh.”
“Seems as though destiny has other plans.”
“Destiny can take a hike. She only seems to screw things up.”
Her nose wrinkled. “Or it’s just us who does the screwing.”
My heart pounded the longer we stared. Images of screwing her in her kitchen exploded in my mind. It’d happened so fast. It’d been explosive and raw. It’d also been the last time I would ever be with her.
She blushed, no doubt thinking the same thing as me. “Anyway...like I said, it’s fine for you guys to stay.” She closed and locked the door.
Ignoring my heated stare, she moved forward, pointing at the new additions in her small space. “Gil, you’ll have the couch. It’s not much, but I bought a new pillow and washed the blankets. Olive, you’ll have the blow-up mattress behind the couch. Again, it’s not much, but I got you a cute flower comforter and hot water bottle in case you’re cold.” She sighed, shrugging. “I’m sorry I can’t offer you your own rooms. It’s frustratingly small this place.”
Olive zoomed to the mattress behind the couch. Back there she had privacy and her own little world.
“You kidding? This is awesome!” Olive threw herself on the air mattress, only to bounce far higher than I expected. “Wow, it’s like a trampoline.”
Justin chuckled. “I don’t think the manufacturers were going for that. But hey...looks fun.”
“It’s better than any of the hard bunk beds in Jeffrey’s nasty caravan.” Olive sat cross-legged in contentment. “Thank you so much, O.”
“You’re very welcome.”
I cleared my throat. “Seriously, Olin. This is better than any five-star hotel. You shouldn’t have gone to so much trouble.”
She smiled self-consciously. “It’s not luxury, but that’s nice of you to say.”
Our eyes locked all over again, imprisoning each other—two elements that always joined whenever close.
I couldn’t break the spell, and neither could she.
Justin cleared his throat. “Look, I...eh, I’m gonna get going. Have to go back to the office. You guys all good?”
Shivering at the overwhelming need to touch O—to pull her into me and drop down all my barriers, I forced myself to look at my friend. A friend who sometimes I wanted to kill but a friend I trusted to look after my daughter when I couldn’t.
“Thanks, Miller.” I held out my hand. “Thanks for the lift over here and for arranging this.”
O came closer, smiling gently. “You’re a good man, Justin Miller.”
Justin actually blushed, backing toward the door as if he couldn’t wait to run from honest compliments. “Just don’t kill each other, okay?” He pinned me with a stare. “I’ll call tomorrow. Maybe you guys should go out for dinner. The three of you. Celebrate your new living arrangements.”
Any tender thoughts toward him evaporated.
Dinner?
Fuck, I would rather inject myself with succinylcholine than go out for dinner. To a restaurant with the woman I loved and the daughter I’d do anything to protect. To eat food that O would have to pay for because I couldn’t afford it.
No way.
No fucking way.
O deserved so, so much. I owed far too much to ever pay back.
I wouldn’t add yet more debt to my pile of worthlessness.
My pride was bruised.
My ego destroyed.
If I let O pay for dinner—when I knew how tight her own finances were—I’d never forgive myself.
And I couldn’t go out anyway.
The move here had been cleared with the police, but that was as far as my new boundaries went according to my anklet.
“That won’t be necessary. I brought the rest of my groceries. I’ll cook something,” I muttered. I couldn’t take her out, but I could at least prepare something. “A tiny thank you for having us.”
“Sure, that sounds nice.” She gave me a wary smile. “Appreciate it.”
“Dad makes a yummy pasta,” Olive piped up from the bouncy bed, her hands already rummaging in her backpack for crayons and paper.
O grinned, forcing lightness into her face when only heaviness existed between us. “Look forward to it then.”
My thoughts tripped backward to a time when O had made me lunch. When she’d pulled me into her house and made me fall head over heels for her.
Pancakes and syrup.
We’d vowed to be each other’s family.
I doubted a simple bolognese could reinstate family bonds that were long gone.
“Okay, guys, have fun playing happy families.” Justin waved, opening the door. “See ya soon.”
The door closed.
The apartment seemed to shrink around us.
O made an excuse to disappear into her bedroom.
And I stood like an idiot in her living room, so fucking aware of everything that I’d lost.