“They will care.” I sat on my haunches in front of her, grabbing her ankles as she kicked her legs off the edge of my bed. “They’ll have missed going to school with you.”
“But I won’t even be with them in class. Won’t I be held back a year? Seeing as Uncle Jeffrey kept me out of school for so long?”
Damn.
Gil had been held back because a teacher had her own diabolical reasons.
Olive might be held back because of her uncle’s.
Life truly isn’t fair.
“Maybe you can be in the same grade and just have some extra coaching at home, so you can catch up fast. I’m guessing you’re a very fast learner.”
She perked up. “I am. I love books and things. I don’t want to be with younger kids.”
“Okay then, well if we enrol you back in school, I’ll do my best to find you a good tutor.”
We enrol you?
What are you saying, O?
You can’t promise such things. You won’t be in her life. You’re leaving, remember?
“Could you teach me?” Her grey eyes searched mine. “That would be so much fun.”
Standing, I shook my head. “I don’t know enough to teach you, Olive Pip, but I have no doubt you’ll be the smartest girl in class.”
The front door opened and closed, wrenching both our attentions to it.
Gil appeared in the living room, his eyes catching mine and then Olive’s. Lines etched around his mouth, and his hair was once again messy from being outside, but he looked calmer than last night.
Moving slowly toward us, he cleared the gravel in his throat. “Seems everyone is up early this morning.”
“Daddy!” Olive leaped off my bed and ran straight into his arms.
Gil dropped to one knee, wrapping her tight in his embrace. “Morning, tiny spinach. How did you sleep?”
“Fine. The mattress was super comfy. But then I woke up, and you weren’t here.” Her head tilted. “Where’d you go?”
Gil gave me a guilty glance, climbing back to his feet. “I watched the sun rise.”
Raking a hand through his hair, he looked my office attire up and down. “Heading in this early?”
I nodded. “Duty calls.”
“It always does.”
His face filled with love, ruining me all over again. I wasn’t used to this respectful version of him. The one who accepted my boundaries and didn’t scale my fences to talk to me.
I didn’t know if I liked it. If I was honest, I hated the distance between us even while we stood so close.
“O...I—” Raking a hand through his hair, he sighed. “Thank you for letting us stay the night.”
“You’re welcome.” Something lodged in my throat, a stone heavy with hurt and honesty.
Olive piped up, “Have you seen Olin’s tattoo? It’s amazing! Like amazing, amazing. Can I have one, Dad?”
The tension evaporated as Gil snapped into father mode. His eyes gleamed with strictness even as his lips quirked in a grin. “Any drawings you do, missy, are to end up on paper only.”
“What about on people? Can I paint naked people?”
“When you’re older, fine.”
“So when I’m older, I can get a tattoo like O’s?”
“No. Absolutely not.”
Olive pouted, hanging on Gil’s hand. “I’ll make you say yes. I always make you say yes.”
Gil chuckled painfully. “That’s entirely true.” He looked at me, his eyes clear and smile simple. A simple smile of frustration and pride for his child. “She’s a master at getting anything she wants.”
I laughed quietly. “Maybe you’re just a soft touch.”
His simpleness vanished under a cloak of awareness. “Maybe I am. Maybe I’m being too soft on you, too.”
My heart pattered quickly. “What do you mean?”
“I mean...I still want to talk.” Patting Olive on the butt, he said kindly, “You. Shower. Now.”
“Aww, but I don’t—”
“Shower and I’ll cook you pancakes for breakfast, and then, we’ll spend the day together. Just you and me.”
Olive’s adorable face lit up. “All day? Really?” She wriggled in place. “No job searching? No working?”
“Nope. Just you.” He bowed to kiss her, covering her with unconditional love. “I want to spend the day with my favourite girl. Job hunting can wait. Maybe we’ll go apartment searching instead, so we don’t impose on O any longer than we have to.”
“I like living with O, but I can’t wait to spend the day together. Yay!” Olive sped toward the bathroom, throwing a wave in my direction. “Bye, O. Have a good day working.”
“See ya.” I waved to a closed bathroom door, laughing quietly. “She certainly adores the ground you walk on.”
“And I can’t imagine my life without her.” His tone slipped into despair. “Shit, I can’t leave.” He scowled at his ankle. “I’m under house arrest. Is it okay if I hang here with her? I’ll do my best to find alternative arrangements online.”
My heart squeezed. I’d opened my home to him because it was the right thing to do, yet I couldn’t deny I’d been selfish too. Selfish and dishonest because as much as I didn’t have the strength to deal with the mess between us, I wasn’t ready to never see him again.
“Of course.”
He rubbed the back of his nape. “You must think I’m pathetic. Unemployed. Locked in one place. A single dad who can’t do anything right.”
I stepped toward him. “I don’t think you’re pathetic, Gil. I never have.”
“But you’ve had enough of dealing with my nonsense.”
“No. I just...” I held up my hands in surrender. “I don’t know anymore. I don’t know about anything. I don’t know about you or me or what I should do...it’s terrifying.”
He stormed toward me, grabbing my cheeks and holding me firm. “All of this is fucking terrifying. Knowing I’ve lost you. Knowing I’m about to lose Olive. My freedom. My future.” His thumbs ran over my cheekbones, his hands shaking. “Knowing I’m one of the reasons you’re afraid.” His forehead pressed against mine. “It fucking butchers me, O. I never meant to hurt you. I’ll never forgive myself for painting you, drugging you. I could apologise every damn day of my life, but...it’s not going to change anything.”
I swayed in his touch, suffering heat and hunger.
The same violence that clawed for a fight returned, and I didn’t entirely know why. Gil had apologised. I’d forgiven him. We should be able to move on.
And yet...we couldn’t.
We kept clinging to each other in unhealthy ways, making us weak and wanting.
My lips throbbed for his.
His body stepped into mine until no space existed between us and his head tipped down. His mouth descended, and we both jerked at the connection.
Hot.
Painful.
Unforgiving.
I sighed.
He groaned.
His hands fell from my cheeks to wrap around my hips, pulling me into him, making my stomach flip.
The kiss wasn’t planned.