Olin
“WHAT ON EARTH?” I froze on the threshold, confused.
Did I walk into the wrong apartment?
Where my couch and dining table used to be, a black sheet now hung from the window and draped on the floor, creating a void of darkness, a backdrop to nothingness.
“You’re later than I planned.”
My attention shot to the kitchen where Gil stood, mixing paints. He’d lined his bottles and tools up neatly, pigments from gold and taupe right through to aqua and obsidian waited to be used. He tested the airbrush, wiping the nozzle with a paper towel all while I gawked like an idiot.
“Eh...” Closing the door behind me, I slung my handbag onto the floor, kicked off my heels, and padded toward him. “What are you doing?”
“I came to say thank you.” His green eyes met mine. “And to say goodbye.”
My heart fisted tight. “What do you mean?”
“I mean Olive and I moved out today. I thought you’d be home before I could come back but you weren’t...and...” He looked at the black sheet and his takeover of my place, adding. “I had some spare time on my hands.”
“You moved out? Without telling me?”
“It was for the best.” He gave a sad smile. “My daughter is attached to you. She needs to bond with Justin, so she’s comfortable for when I—” He groaned low, cutting himself off.
I nodded, hating the way my chest squeezed. “That makes sense.”
He cleared his throat. “I hope you don’t mind me, eh, redecorating.”
Grasping at the change of subject and latching onto a less painful conversation, I said, “Depends what you’re planning on doing.” I crossed my arms, keeping the breakfast bar and my body language between us. “Do you have a canvas coming here to be painted? Did you get a commission?”
Gil winced, shaking his head. “No...no canvas.” Placing the airgun down, he pinned me with his stare. “Only you.”
Goosebumps scattered over my arms. “Gil...I told you I can’t be painted again. Not yet.”
“I know.” He stared hard, his gaze deep and deliberate. “But I can’t accept no for an answer, O.”
I backed up, goosebumps turning into trembles. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?” He tipped his head down, watching me beneath shadowed eyes.
“Like you don’t care if I give consent or not.”
He shrugged. “I love you. I want you. And now...you’re here.”
I gulped, grasping to say something normal and not laced in lust.
I failed.
I swallowed.
Gil placed his palms on either side of the sink, bracing against the countertop. The same countertop where we’d had a furious quickie. Where we’d chased fast pleasure. Where our hearts had once again become tangled.
His voice was decadent and dangerous as he murmured, “I’ve had a lot of time to decide if I should do this or not.”
“Do what?”
“Take something from you that you undoubtedly don’t want to give.”
I swallowed again. Hard. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“You do know.” His gaze turned brittle. “You know exactly what I mean. Leaving me alone for so long wasn’t a good idea, O. It’s not been good for my self-control.” He looked down at his ankle where the monitoring device kept him leashed. “This is the last time I can be here. I’ve changed my address with the authorities to Justin’s apartment. I won’t be able to come and see you before I go to court.” His fingers clutched against the counter. “This is the last time I’ll have you alone. And I’m done.”
“You’re done?”
He nodded once. “I’m done. Done pretending I can cope without you in my life. Done lying to myself that I don’t need you. Done accepting your choice to break my fucking heart.”
Heat filled my cheeks as his gaze travelled over my cream blouse and pinstripe skirt. “You should probably strip, O. I don’t want to ruin any more of your clothes.”
I coughed. “Excuse me?”
“Have you eaten? Are you hungry?” His voice stayed smoky and deep, even though he’d just sent me into a free-fall.
“Hungry? No, I’m...”
“Okay then.” Pushing off from the countertop, he exited the kitchen and stalked me. He stopped within touching distance but kept his hands fisted by his sides. His energy wrapped around me. Energy that used to match mine. A synergy of auras and souls.
Tonight, his energy was treacherous, precarious.
I shivered with premonition. “Gil...what are you doing?”
“I’m going to paint you.”
“But I told you—”
“That it brings bad memories.” He nodded. “I understand. But it doesn’t change the fact that tonight, my brush is touching your body and my paint is staining your skin.”
“It does if I don’t say yes.”
His brow tugged over turbulent eyes. “But you will.”
“Why? Why would I agree to let you paint me after the last time?”
“Because this is the last time we’ll ever have.”
“When you painted and drugged me and prepared to sacrifice me for Olive, I believed that was the last time we’d ever have. That I was about to die because of you.”
“I was never going to kill you.” His body twitched with pain. “I would’ve killed myself before he was able to do what he threatened. You have to know that.”
“You almost did die, remember?” My temper crackled into awareness, remembering that night, the fear of him dead on the forest floor, the promise from Jeffrey of sex slavery and child molestation. “You left us both unprotected, all because you didn’t ask anyone for help.”
“You’re right. Just like you were right last night. I asked for help too late and I paid for it. Who knows how our lives would’ve turned out if I’d told you back at school what Tallup threatened me with. We might be married. We might have our own family. But...I didn’t ask. And I lost you. Twice.”
His hand cupped my cheek, digging the pads of his fingers into my softness as I tried to back away. “Tonight, I’m not asking anymore. I’m telling you what I need. I’m being honest for the first time in my godforsaken life. I’m about to be locked up like an animal, O. I’ve done my best to ensure Olive will be okay, I’ve accepted way too much support from Justin, and I’ve stayed in your home without telling you exactly how I feel. I should walk out that door. I should pay you the pittance I have for the days you let us stay, and I should accept that I will never see you again.”
His arm slithered around my waist, jerking me into him. “But I don’t accept. I can’t accept. And tonight, I’m done doing what I think I should. Everything I do is wrong. My natural instincts are fucked. So...I’m ignoring them. I’m ignoring the fact that you’re trembling and want me to back the fuck off. I’m ignoring the part that this is yet another assault. For once, I’m going to be selfish.”
“Gil...stop.”
His hand left my cheek and captured the back of my head. His other arm crushed me to him, bending me, imprisoning me. “I can’t stop.”