No sign of strawberry anything.
Sniffing the air again, nothing sweet teased me.
Not wanting to snoop, I returned to the lounge and found Gil sitting upright with his phone in his hands. The back of his neck strained. The muscles of his back visible beneath his grey T-shirt.
With a heart-wrenching groan, he raked a hand through his hair, threw his phone to the floor, and rocked over the injuries in his stomach. He trembled as if he wanted to tear apart every piece of furniture all while he almost crumpled to his knees.
My heart tripped all over again—falling over an invisible obstacle, derailing my future all because I was still in love with a man who seemed totally destroyed.
With the lightest footsteps, I padded closer and sat beside him. My hand landed gently on his thigh.
He reared back, his head soaring up, his eyes flipping open. For a second, I worried he’d strike me. I braced myself for something horrible.
But he leashed himself, his eyes bleeding pain. His voice cracked with rage and confusion. “I’m running out of strength, O.” His head bowed. His heavy palm landed over mine and squeezed.
As quickly as he’d touched me, he plucked my hand from his thigh and placed it onto mine with a firm rebuff. He shuddered, inching away from me with a faint, agony-filled hiss. “You can’t be here.”
I didn’t ask why. I didn’t offer to be his strength. That wasn’t how our friendship worked. I merely offered a place of sanctuary. No questions. No demands. Because I’d learned as a young girl that Gil didn’t need someone to tell him what to do. He just needed someone who cared.
Sniffing back years’ worth of emotion, I said, “No matter what’s happened, I care about you. I’m staying until you’re not so in pain.”
He groaned with torment, too exhausted to answer back.
Cracking open the painkillers, I popped three for him and two for me. My head hurt from being used as a weapon against that madman. “Here.”
His gaze tracked to my upturned palm. “We’re not kids anymore. I don’t need you to play nursemaid.”
I didn’t reply, reaching for the glass I’d filled for him and stealing a mouthful to swallow my own pain relief.
Comprehension darkened his face. “Did that fucking bastard hurt you?”
“I’m okay.”
His large hands landed on my shoulders, spinning me to face him. “Olin.”
His eyes trapped mine and he could no longer hide the truth. His amazing, incredible heart that held galaxies worth of love, despite his upbringing. His kindness, his concern, his—
Shutters slammed down, blocking me from seeing anymore. His fingers spasmed on my shoulders before tearing away as if I was made of flame and I’d just scorched him to his very core. “Goddammit.”
Pretending my lips weren’t on fire to kiss him and doing my best to hide my sudden trembles, I held out the pills for him again. “Take these.”
He stared at them as if he didn’t know what they were and he was no longer human. His thoughts trapped within whatever prison he’d wrapped himself in.
I waited. I stayed.
Finally, he reached out and flinched as our skin kissed, his fingers on my palm, taking the offered painkillers. With a tight jaw and tighter muscles, he tossed them into his mouth and reached for the glass.
His throat worked fast, gulping back the liquid before slamming the glass down and standing. “Thank you. I’ll walk you out.”
I stood too, feeling far too small and weak on the couch with him towering over me. I sucked in a breath, ready to fight for what I wanted. “I won’t ask what happened out there, not again. But I am going to ask if you’re in trouble.”
His eyes narrowed. “The only trouble I’m in is because you refuse to obey me.”
“Is it because he thinks we’re together?”
He flinched. “No.”
That was a yes.
“Are you with someone else? Does he think he can beat you up because you’re betraying—”
“No.” He raked a hand through his hair. “This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me.” His head bowed. “I just need you to go. I need you to go and never come back.”
“Come with me. We’ll go to my apartment and I’ll—”
“Olin.” His snap glued my lips together, embarrassed heat glowed in my heart. “Our past means nothing, okay? Walk away.”
“How can I when I know something isn’t right?”
“Because I don’t want you here.”
Rejection prickled along my spine and over my scalp. “You never used to enjoy hurting me, Gil. Now, you’re an expert at it.”
The blackest shadow swallowed his features, as if he’d been sucked into another dimension where only horrors lived, seeing things I couldn’t, surviving things I feared.
He balled his hands, fury unfurling. “Maybe you’re having trouble remembering our past correctly. Fine, I’ll help with your memory, seeing as you think I’ve lost my manners.”
Winter well and truly welcomed him back, his voice pure frost. “I was a master at hurting you. I hurt you all the goddamn time. I made you fall in love with me, only to dump you in that classroom. I made you believe we had a future, only to walk away without a goodbye.”
The frost melted, his voice sounding strange, strangled. With a remorseful glare, he forced relentless malice into the tone. “I didn’t want you then, and I don’t want you now. You’re embarrassing yourself, Olin. Chasing after a man who has no intention of ever being with you again.”
A tear escaped my control, rolling over my eyelash and gliding down my cheek. “Thank you for reminding me, Gil, of your perfect indifference toward me.” I arched my chin, hugging myself. “But allow me to do the same. For years, I told myself the same thing. I went over and over what happened between us because there were no signs that you hated me until that day. No hints that I annoyed you. No instincts that you were only toying with my heart. You’re right though, I am embarrassing myself. I’m doing exactly what I promised I’d never do if we ever saw each other again. I’m making a fool out of myself trying to make you remember just how perfect we were for each other.”
Swiping at another lonely tear, I shivered with anger as well as grief. “But it wasn’t me who ruined it this time, Gil. I would’ve stayed away after you’d painted me, resigned to losing you seven years ago and strong enough to move on with my life, seeing as you made it abundantly clear you’d moved on with yours. But, here’s the thing...” I moved toward him, standing on my tiptoes so we were almost eye-to-eye. “Then you went and kissed me and the lies fell apart.”
He sucked in a haggard breath. “That kiss meant nothing.”
“That kiss meant everything.”
“Get away from me.”
Electricity crackled. Chemistry hissed.
“Why did you pay me triple the amount you normally pay canvases?”
“What?” He bared his teeth. “I don’t know what—”
“You kissed me and paid me far too much money.” My gaze locked onto his mouth. “Why?”
“You’re driving me insane.”
“Answer me.”