It said a daughter lived here with parents who made her healthy dinners and helped her with her homework. It convinced its neighbours that the rooms were full of laughter not loneliness.
My heart hardened, hating her parents more each day as Olin danced to my side and slipped her key into the lock. Slipping her bag off my shoulder, I held it out to her. “See you at school tomorrow.”
She turned in the foyer, ignoring the side table with its fake orchids and the plush cream carpet on the staircase leading to bedrooms above. She only had eyes for me as she took her bag, threw it against the coat rack, then grabbed my wrist and yanked me inside.
She knew the rules.
I walked her home.
I left her the moment she was safe.
I hadn’t stepped foot into her house.
I didn’t belong there.
“Olin, stop.”
“Come in, Gil. It’s not going to kill you.” Fighting against my reluctance, she leaned into her invitation, dragging me forcibly into the living room complete with sectional couches, a large flat screen, and white sparkly kitchen.
It couldn’t be more different to the place I lived in if it tried.
My skin crawled to leave. To hide all the bad pieces of me that Olin didn’t know about. I wanted her to continue not knowing, despite wanting to tell her everything.
“I’m hungry.” She jerked me toward the kitchen, grabbed my dirty backpack and tossed it onto a barstool, then pressed my shoulders for me to sit in a matching one. “You’re going to sit there and entertain me while I cook us something. Okay?”
My jaw worked as I fought against her push, eyeing up the front door. “I shouldn’t be here.”
“You should. You are.” Her gaze softened. “Please, Gil. Stay...for me?”
I groaned, slouching on the stool. “That’s warfare.”
“War? You want a war between us?” Her fingers latched onto my shoulders.
“No. I said asking me to stay that way. It’s not fair.”
Playfulness entered her voice as she fluttered dark eyelashes. “Oh, have I finally found a weakness? If I say please, does that mean I get to command you for a change?” She laughed, her hands sliding from my shoulders to cup my cheeks.
“I don’t command you.” I gulped as the heat of her fingers made my heart pound.
“Oh, yes, you do.” She leaned in and brushed her nose with mine. “But I’m not complaining.”
Everything froze.
Our lips were so close.
Our hearts so fast.
All I wanted to do was drag her onto my lap and kiss her. I’d wanted so fucking long to kiss her.
And that was why I didn’t trust myself in her house.
Standing quickly, I shoved her back.
Hurt flashed in her gaze, but she recovered quickly. “I’m making pancakes, and you’re not going anywhere.” Her voice was confident, but it lacked bravery to force me to obey. I could walk out the door, and she would forgive me tomorrow.
But the thing was...I wouldn’t forgive me because how could I ever walk out on this girl? How could I ever tell her just how much I liked her, wanted her, craved her?
Sighing, I raked a hand over my face and begged my body to stop driving me crazy. Olin wasn’t just someone I wanted to sleep with. She was the future I would do anything to claim.
And that meant I couldn’t have her until I knew I had her heart.
Which was a terribly selfish thing to do because until I knew she was in love with me she would know nothing about me. Because once she knew...she wouldn’t want a future with me.
Who would?
I had no money, no security. I didn’t even have absentee parents. I had abuse and drug use and the mixed bloodlines of whores and thieves.
Olin had to love me for me...only then could I be free.
I sat back down.
As my thoughts raced, Olin danced around the kitchen. I would never grow tired of watching her move. Even when she reached for a pen in class or skirted around students in the hall, she danced.
She couldn’t stop it.
Dance was in every droplet of her blood. Every limb elegant, every motion flawless.
I’d sneaked into the ballet recital a few weeks ago to watch her perform. She didn’t know I’d been there, and I couldn’t tear my eyes off her. I’d always found Olin beautiful, inside and out, but seeing her on that stage? Witnessing how a girl could become light as a feather and perfect as swirling snowflakes, I lost the final barricades around my heart.
I was in love with her because she was pure grace.
She had a way of hypnotising me, calming my dismal thoughts, and anchoring me firmly in the moment. She was so fucking good for me. A medicine I needed to take for the rest of my life. She had no idea the power she held over me just by being her.
I feared the day when she learned how deep I’d fallen.
Would she fall with me...or would she pirouette into a future I wasn’t permitted to join?
Companionable silence fell as she pulled ingredients from the pantry. Her feet glided, her head swayed to an unheard beat, her wrists and fingers twitched and arched like delicate swans.
My heart pounded with affection, lust, and a terrifying amount of awe as she cracked eggs, beat batter, and spooned indulgent sized pancakes into a sizzling pan.
She put on a performance just for me.
The second the sweet scents of dessert met my nose, my mouth watered profusely.
It was embarrassing how my body reacted around food.
I was used to the gnawing emptiness in my belly, followed by the over fullness of stuffing my face once a day.
I’d eaten a few hours ago. I was used to not eating again until tomorrow, but what Olin created was fluffy maple syrup magic, and I swallowed thickly as she placed a plate with two round discs covered in icing sugar and dripping in syrup before me.
Her eyes lingered on me as she nudged a knife and fork in my direction.
I did my best not to snatch them like a rabid animal.
All I wanted to do was devour the food she’d cooked for me. The first meal anyone had ever cooked for me. But I forced myself to keep my hands locked on my lap, smile stiffly, and ignore the plate. I did my best to be like the other boys, nonchalant and lazy, as if being fed by the girl I wanted more than anyone wasn’t a big deal.
It’s a big fucking deal.
“You’re like a leaf.” I looked up, cursing the long hair catching on my eyelashes. “When you move, you look like a leaf caught in a breeze.”
She sucked in a gasp.
Our eyes snagged and held. Something endlessly painful sucker-punched me in the chest. An emotion that bypassed teenage flirting and went straight into forever claiming.
I scrambled to delete the sudden awkwardness. “I just meant, watching you cook was the highlight of my day. You’re so pretty.”
She beamed; the pretty blush that always appeared around me turned her cheeks rosy. “You like watching me?”
I laughed darkly. “You know I do.”
I’d told her that. Plus, she’d caught me gawking at her more than once. My fascination with her was obvious.
Her eyelashes fluttered. “Why do you like watching me?”
It was my turn to blush. “Eh, no reason.”
“No reason?” She pouted adorably. “Come on, there must be a reason.” Her lips turned up as her eyes sparkled. “How about I go first?”