What the hell just happened?
Pulling me to the side, wrapping us in shadows of a corridor leading to the washrooms, Gil gritted his teeth. “That shouldn’t have happened.”
“I kissed you. I started it.”
“Yeah, but I—”
“Don’t worry, Gil. I wanted you to maul me. I like it when you lose control. The only thing I don’t like is when you apologise for it.”
“It can’t happen again.”
“I’m getting tired of hearing that.” I sniffed. “It’s repetitive.”
“It’s the truth.”
A dagger slipped through my ribs and found my heart. “Why are you so determined to stop this?”
His eyes sought mine, empty but depthless at the same time. “Because I only destroy those I love. And I fucking refuse to destroy you.”
I rubbed at my aching chest. “But what about us?”
He exhaled hard, his tan jacket creaking a little. “There is no us.”
“There’s always been an us.”
“It’s because of us that you’re in danger!”
“What does he want from you, Gil?”
His face shut down, his features unreadable. “Nothing.”
I walked away, my heels condemning and loud on the travertine floor.
“O.” His fingers wrapped around my arm, dragging me to a stop. “I can’t let you leave. You can’t be alone. Not until I figure this out.”
Annoyance trickled with previous passion, creating a cyclone of unresolved emotion. “You’re forgetting I’ve lived alone for most of my life. I’ve managed perfectly well without you. ”
I aimed for that to bruise just like he’d just bruised me, but I wasn’t prepared for the way sorrow painted his body with tragedy. “I know.”
My fight faded as fast as it had arrived. “You can’t keep what you’re hiding a secret. Not anymore. I deserve to know what’s going on. You can tell me. You know I won’t judge you. I’ll help—”
“Stop.” His eyes darkened, glinting like chiselled stone. “You want to know? Fine. He wants you because he knows you mean something to me. That you’ll ensure I’ll obey.” He snarled as if he could deny it. “He’s right.”
“Gil, I—”
“I didn’t want this to happen. I tried to keep you away so this wouldn’t happen. But it has and...”
“And?”
His muscles locked in place. “And now we both have to pay.”
Chapter Nineteen
______________________________
Gil
-The Past-
“OLIN MOSS, WHAT have I told you about talking in class?”
I looked up from the pop test Ms Tallup had assigned us. Olin’s shoulders hunched, her head slid to the side, her gaze catching mine.
My fingers tightened around my pen.
The class was silent.
It’d been silent since the test began.
My hearing was acutely attuned to Olin’s every noise, and she hadn’t made a peep.
My eyes narrowed to blades as Ms Tallup snapped her fingers with a sniff. “Detention, Miss Moss. This afternoon.”
“Wait. But I—” Olin held up a hand. “I wasn’t talking—”
“Arguing won’t help your case.” Ms Tallup sat in her chair and ignored the class as Olin threw me a disbelieving look.
I wanted to tell her not to worry. That she didn’t have to do detention because she hadn’t done anything wrong. But I couldn’t because I knew why this had happened.
Last week, the deputy principal had found Olin and me hiding behind the school gym after hours. I’d had a rough night. My ribs were sore from being punished for not getting payment from some john at three in the morning.
My father decided to take payment in blood.
My blood.
After he’d finished, I’d walked out of the house—if that was even a word for the hellhole I lived in—and wandered (stumbled) the streets. At dawn, I’d found an old sketch pad abandoned on the footpath a block away from school. Some of the pages held doodles of dogs and flowers, but the rest were blank, offering a distraction from my pain.
I’d always liked to sketch, but I hadn’t attempted anything in years.
But as the sun rose and I waited for Olin to arrive at school, I drew the building, the street, and the tree outside our classroom. I even drew Olin—or what I could from memory.
All day at school, I deliberated whether to show her. The work wasn’t very good, but it’d made all the other shit in my life fade knowing I could create art from nothing.
The magic it gave me while dragging a pen over paper had been life-changing.
As life-changing as Olin.
Despite my lines being rudimentary and my skill lacking, I decided to show her, picking a spot where we wouldn’t be seen by other students behind the gym. She’d been so happy to share in my newfound hobby, so grateful that I’d given her another piece of myself, and we’d hung out for far longer than we planned.
And of course, we’d been caught.
Caught at the exact moment Olin put her hand on mine and our eyes locked while we sat against the brick wall. My mouth watered. My heart galloped. My stomach churned for the taste of her lips.
We’d been so close.
So fucking close to our first kiss.
But then the gruff command from the deputy ripped us apart.
I’d been furious.
But in an awful way, I was grateful.
Furious to have the perfect almost-kiss ruined, but thankful that I didn’t lose control and ravage her.
If I touched her.
When I touched her.
She deserved to be pampered and adored. To be given sweet and softness. Not devoured and mauled like I was desperate to do.
I’d thought keeping my distance physically would be easier as time went on, knowing we could be with each other when I was sure she loved me and could never take that back.
But...it only grew harder.
So damn hard it was a physical ache every second of every damn day. I couldn’t breathe some days. I woke up at night with an unbearable pain to run over to her house and climb through her window.
To crawl into her bed, to kiss her as hard as I could, to take everything she offered me.
And that sort of desperation terrified me.
I’d have nightmares about making her scream like the whores inside my home.
I’d wake in full sweats at the thought of making her cry with my inherited savagery.
As the weeks went on, more and more fear layered my fraying self-control.
I was afraid to kiss her more than ever now.
Afraid I’d hurt her with the naked violence coursing in my blood.
Olin shrugged helplessly.
I shook my head, commanding her to stay quiet. I’d deal with Ms Tallup after class.
She gave me a grateful smile, blew me a kiss, then returned to her test with tense shoulders.
For the remaining twenty minutes, I scribbled answers as best I could while my brain focused on more important things. The deputy obviously told Ms Tallup he’d caught us. Therefore, she’d done this to punish me.
But why?
What the hell does she want from me?