“I told you.” His chest rose and fell with agony. “I had my reasons.”
“And those reasons weren’t good enough.” Pain bolted through my blood, unravelling my will to keep this fight from happening. I couldn’t stop myself from spilling everything I’d held inside. “Nothing you could tell me would excuse you breaking my heart.”
I’d done what I could to stop blaming him. I’d focused on helping him, not on fixing what went wrong.
But...I’d reached my limit.
He was too wrapped up in secrecy.
Too isolated in misery.
I had to know.
I had to understand at least something before I went insane.
We’d slept with each other tonight. We’d let our bodies do the talking and it’d been the first honest conversation we’d had.
I wanted more of that.
Gil’s gaze landed hotly on my lips. “You broke mine too. I’d say we’re fair.”
“What?” The starlit darkness crackled with instant electricity. My nipples pebbled and my breath caught as his hand lashed out, looping around my throat.
“You heard me. You went out with Justin. You flaunted your relationship in my goddamn face. Tell me why I should’ve stuck around at school to watch that?”
I tried to break from his hold, my fingers scratching at his arm. “You’re seriously going to make me the bad guy? You pushed me away! You wouldn’t speak to me! I spent every night crying, wondering what I’d done wrong. You wouldn’t even look at me.”
“I had reaso—”
“No, you didn’t!” I ducked and twisted from his hold. “No reason you could have ever given me would justify the coldness you delivered.”
“Apparently, you were justified enough to kiss Justin in our spots, though. I saw you. He had his hand up your shirt behind the gym.” He punched his chest. “That was our spot, O. Ours. No one else’s.” His eyes glistened with agony. He spun and stormed away, both hands digging through his hair. “Fuck!”
With his overwhelming heat and power gone, I sucked in oxygen. How had this fight happened? Why were we tearing each other to ribbons?
I spread my hands in surrender, exhaustion crushing me fast. “Look, none of that matters now. You and Justin are friends, and we’re...we’re—” I smiled even though my heart felt like shattering. “We’re friends, too...even if you’d rather not be.”
“You can’t be friends with someone who doesn’t deserve it.” The light went from his eyes, any softness from before deleted from his mouth. He turned to stone as he pointed into the darkness. “I don’t deserve you, O. And you don’t deserve to suffer. You need to leave. You need to obey because it’s the only way I can keep you safe. Leave and never come back.” His gaze danced around the open, empty night. “Promise me.”
“You don’t need to be afraid of him.”
I expected him to growl. Instead, his response sent glaciers oozing down my spine.
“I do, and...I am.” He nodded with conviction, causing my tummy to flip. His voice echoed with uncurable disaster. “Deathly fucking afraid.”
“Of what?”
“Of everything.”
I reached for him. “Gil—”
He stepped away. “Go.” Gritting his teeth, he gave the industrial area a searching, scathing look as if warning goblins and night terrors to leave me the hell alone before stepping through the pedestrian access to his warehouse. “Goodbye, O. For the last time.”
With a final splintering look, he slammed the door and locked it.
Chapter Eighteen
______________________________
Olin
-The Present-
FOR TWO DAYS, life tried to convince me things were normal.
I ate, showered, went to work, and travelled home each night. All the mundane tasks of living alone and fending for yourself in a large city dragged me along in some resemblance of normalcy.
Only, it wasn’t normal.
My body knew that. My heart knew that. Even my mind knew it, because it struggled to stop thinking about Gil for a moment, let alone switch off to sleep.
Starting a new job and falling into bed with the boy I never stopped loving weren’t a good combination.
I caught Shannon’s eye as she smiled at me from across the floor. Even though my thoughts were far from work, I did my best to perform well. The phone was always answered politely, my emails replied to promptly. I’d learned my role fast, so no one had to breathe down my neck.
Yesterday, when I’d messaged Justin that Gil was back at his warehouse, I’d bit my lip in case he went over there and figured out that we’d slept together. My cheeks heated as Justin replied, asking if I knew where Gil had been and what state I’d found him in.
Luckily, I’d had to duck into a team meeting, so I brushed him off and told him to go see Gil if he had any more questions.
That was over twenty-four hours ago, and I was tired. The clock showed just past four, and I begged for the rest of the time to disappear so I could go home, drink some cheap supermarket wine in a futile attempt to stop reliving the delicious, emotionally-dangerous sex we’d indulged in, and plead for sleep.
“Hi, Olin.” The guy from the coffee room who’d flirted with me on my first day smiled over my cubicle wall. His dark skin and darker eyes were highlighted by a white shirt and silver tie. He held a bunch of papers under his arm and his gaze travelled over my similar attire of cream blouse with navy pinstripe skirt. “You up to much this weekend?”
I stopped typing an email about a laptop that needed a factory reset and shook my head. “Not really. You?”
He grinned. “Not much.”
“Cool.” I smiled awkwardly. “Well, I hope you find—”
“I was gonna see if you wanted to do something, actually.” He interrupted me in a rush. “I mean...if you’re not doing anything.”
I stilled. My roller chair creaked as I sucked in a harsh breath. “Oh. Um...”
“We could do lunch? Or a movie? Even just a walk. I’m easy.” He hoisted the papers higher. “Say, Saturday?”
My heart bumped into ribs in its haste to refuse. It’d been a while since I’d been on a date. I didn’t think I’d even remember the rules and etiquette required.
You had sex two days ago.
I scowled. Yes, I did. But that couldn’t be classified as a date.
Sex with Gil was the opposite of a date. Unplanned, ill-advised, and stupidly spontaneous.
The guy inhaled, waiting for me to puncture his hope.
I fiddled with my pen on the desk. “I don’t even know your name.”
He slouched in relief that I hadn’t shot him down straight away. “It’s Hamish.”
“Hamish.” I nodded with a small smile. “Nice name.”
“Olin is nice too.”
I tilted my head. “It’s strange.”
“Strange is always better than normal.”
“I’m not so sure about that.” I sighed, mainly to myself but smiled brighter as Hamish cocked an eyebrow. “Look, Hamish, I—”