“I always have a choice, Gil.”
His eyes shot black as memories sucked him deep. “No one has a choice.”
The softness between us vanished into thick smoke, leaving behind the charred remains.
He raked a hand through his hair. “Three nights, okay?” His eyes jumped over suited men and women, assessing for threats. “That’s all I’ll ask for.”
Three nights were an eternity.
An eternity for all new romances.
Time took on a different depth at the beginning of a fledgling love affair. An hour wasn’t just an hour when love and lust were involved. A minute wasn’t just a minute when hearts had countless of opportunities to fall.
There would be no more places to hide. No more lies we could tell ourselves. Only the stark truth that both of us were in danger and had been for years.
Couldn’t he see that?
Couldn’t he taste the hypocrisy?
Three nights would destroy us both.
Gil fought against my silence, saying, “Pack a bag with clothes for three nights. If I haven’t fixed the problem...then you’ll probably have to move countries because you won’t be safe anywhere.”
I snapped out of my worry. “I never took you for being dramatic.”
“I’m being deadly serious.” His voice was flat and cold.
Ice slithered down my spine. I shivered, pointing to the sunny evening, needing warmth and open air. “Let’s go. We can talk about living arrangements later.” If we were ever to have an honest conversation, I wanted to be anywhere else but here, surrounded by strangers.
“Fine.” Gil bowed a little, letting me lead the way.
My back prickled as he fell into step with me—not submissive in my leadership but wary and watchful. I understood why he’d placed himself behind me. He’d done it out of protection. Even in my office building, he acted as if the devil himself was going to crawl through the floorboards and claim me.
Pushing open the glass doors, I turned to face him as he stepped into the late afternoon sunshine. “How long have you been waiting for me?”
He kept his eyes on the men and women leaving for the day. “Since I kicked Justin out and came directly here.” He glanced at me. “I saw you arrive. I got here before you did.”
“You’ve waited all day for me?”
“I told you I wasn’t going to let you out of my sight.”
“I was out of your sight, though.” Striking off into a walk, my black kitten toe heels clicked on the pavement.
“You were in the office building all day. I was satisfied you’d be safe up there.”
“You were satisfied?”
He nodded, ducking behind me to let a man stride past talking loudly on his cell phone.
“So, you decided not to drag me from my place of employment even though you did such a thing yesterday?”
“I was wrong.” He walked beside me with firm, even steps. “You were right.”
I slammed to a stop, my temper rising for no other reason than sexual frustration and star-crossed heartaches. “Wow. I never thought I’d see the day.”
“Sarcasm isn’t becoming on you, O.” Grabbing my elbow, he pulled me back into motion. “Where do you live?”
I studied him, unable to take my eyes off his thick eyelashes or the way he still had black smudged on his cheek and yellow decorating his hair. He’d told the truth. He’d raced to my work the moment Justin was gone.
His desire to protect me wasn’t just some pantomime but a deep-seated drive.
Once again, guilt crushed me for the awful, awful thought I’d had and my messages with Justin.
How could I be that cruel? That distrustful?
Tilting his head, he caught me staring.
I blushed but didn’t look away. “You’re just the same as before...but different too.” I hated how my cheeks burned, giving away my heart’s truth all over again. “I always found you very handsome.”
His face darkened. “What the hell has gotten into you?” Pulling me forward by my wrist, he grumbled something undeterminable under his breath. “Don’t mistake me being here for anything other than what it is. We aren’t dating. We aren’t together. There is no us or we.” He winced. “Got it?”
“I get that you’re fighting what could be.”
“I’m accepting what is.” He strode forward, dragging me along. “Enough.”
I ignored the fresh pain, the rampant confusion. Why did he care about keeping me safe if he was determined to keep me away? “Maybe we should go on a date. We never wined and dined when we were younger. We’ve slept together...it makes sense that we at least go to a movie.”
His eyes flashed. “I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because.”
“That isn’t a good enough reason, Gil.” I tried to tug out of his grip. “I’m tired. I’m doing my best to be patient and understanding but there’s only so much—”
“For fuck’s sake.” Yanking me to a stop, we created a little island in a sea of people. His gaze was bare, turmoil clouding the wintery green. “No movies. No dinners. Nothing. Don’t ask me to hurt you any more than I already have. Don’t ask me why I can’t keep you.”
“Why can’t you keep me?” My voice was small, the tiniest mouse in a world of predators.
He groaned, low and tortured.
I whispered, “Why touch me if you can’t explore even the slimmest notion of—”
His arm banded around my waist, yanking me into him. His lips cast hot breath against my ear. “I want you. I’ve always fucking wanted you. I’ve been honest about that. You know what you mean to me and I can’t deny that there are things between us that will never go away.” He pulled back, pinning me with darkness, allowing finality to fill his voice. “But whatever we shared, ends here. Whatever you thought was happening, is over. Touching you was the worst mistake of my life. I refuse to do it again.”
Jerking me forward, he weaved around a pack of pedestrians, glaring at the buildings looming over us as if he could guess which apartment was mine. “Where do you live?”
I couldn’t answer him.
My tongue had turned useless. My voice mute.
I’d been hurt by this man over and over again.
But that? Here, now...
“Touching you was the worst mistake of my life.”
A silent tear fell down my cheek, more liquid blurring the world around me. I went loose in his grip, following meekly all while I broke inside.
His fingers fisted tight, his own pain leeching into me. “I’m...sorry.” He kept his stare straight ahead. “I didn’t mean it like that. I—” He groaned again, sounding as if he’d just cut out his own heart. “I just mean...I can’t be with you. I should never have—” He cut himself off.
I bit my lip to staunch more tears, swallowing them back. He didn’t need to know how hurt I was. Didn’t need more power over my emotions.
“O?” He slowed, still not looking at me. His voice went toneless. “Where is your apartment?”
Straightening, I pushed away the catastrophe that’d just happened. I was a dancer. We were used to agony and pushing forward. The show must go on, after all. “I don’t need you to walk me home.” My voice was empty. I’d fought to win him. I’d done my best to stay friendly and kind—despite all my questions and heartache from our past. I’d given what little strength I had to heal the hurt inside him...unable to see him so lost.