But I was a coward.
He shrugged me off. “Like I told you before, I can’t.” He looked at the ceiling with the most distressing, heartsick look. The melancholy wrapping around him slithered from apartment corners and sank painful fangs into his soul.
I couldn’t stand to see him so broken. Because that was what he was. His anger and arguments scared me, but it was what lurked beneath his threats that scared me more.
Gilbert Clark was almost at his wits’ end.
He was exhausted and drained and living in misery, and I had no idea how to help him.
“I’m still here for you, Gil.” I stepped into him, wrapping my arms around his tense frame. “Even if you try to push me away. Even if we fight or say things we don’t mean. If you truly need help...I’m always here.”
He remained unmovable; his frost decorated my flesh with snowflakes, making me shiver.
“I abandoned you.” His voice was barely audible, quiet as mist.
“You did.”
“I hurt you.”
I nodded. “So much.”
“I physically hurt you.”
“Multiple times.”
“But you forgive me?”
I sighed. “I do.”
“Why?”
“Because...we’re family.”
He sucked in a harsh breath. “We’re not. We never were.”
I squeezed him hard. “Blood doesn’t make family. Choice and connection make family. Family is forgiveness.”
“Don’t.” He flinched in my embrace. “Don’t forgive me.”
I wriggled closer. “It’s too late.”
“I don’t want it.”
“Too bad.”
“I don’t deserve it.”
“You don’t. But it’s done.”
His heart drummed against me where I held him. We stood on the precipice of a strange kind of truce. I could taste it—taste his willingness to stop being a bastard—but that softness wasn’t strong enough to win over the torment inside him.
“You’re determined to destroy everything.” His fist swooped into my hair, tugging my head back so his eyes pinned mine from above.
The dark damage in his depths undid me. I’d gone from wanting to keep my distance to wanting no distance at all.
“I guess I’ll have to do something unforgivable. Perhaps then you’ll see me for what I am.” His lips crashed down on mine, bruising me, claiming me.
This kiss was different to the last.
This kiss ended all other kisses. It smited them, annihilated them, killed any memory of softness.
My back bowed in pain as he pressed me hard against the dining room table. His hand cupped the back of my nape, holding me in place as his mouth ravaged mine. His tongue dove deep, pushing mine out of the way and possessing me with angry strokes.
I trembled as his kiss turned as violent as his moods.
I tried to breathe, to kiss him back, to be a participant in this.
But he was too far gone.
Ripping me around, he pushed me to face the table. With a fierce command between my shoulder blades, he folded me in half.
I didn’t fight.
If he thought he could take me against my consent, he was wrong. Sex with Gil would always be something I wanted. Sex with Gil gave me a power over him because he dropped barriers he couldn’t control.
Spreading my legs before he could kick them apart, I deliberately arched my back and moaned. I told him in every explicit way that I was equal in this. He couldn’t steal something that was already his.
His frustrated groan sent goosebumps along my flesh.
Thanks to my rebellious willingness, I prevented him from taking on anymore sin.
“Goddamn you, Olin Moss. Goddamn you for all of it.”
I didn’t speak as he hoisted my skirt up over my hips and yanked my underwear down.
The floor thudded beneath my feet as he slammed to his knees.
I bit my lip as his teeth tracked a path up my inner thigh, his mouth hot and wet against my skin. I cried out as his tongue found my centre, pushing inside me with no teasing or hesitation. He consumed me, and my legs buckled at the dark pleasure he granted.
His fingers latched around my thighs, keeping me pinned against the table as he sucked me from behind. Breath was no longer fundamental to my existence.
Only Gil was.
He was my air and lifeline. I’d never suffered such a blistering connection with anyone else. Never been so linked to another or so forgiving. Perhaps we were star-crossed—linked and bound by forces outside our control.
Fate.
I sank my teeth into the table as Gil inserted two fingers into me, all while sucking on my clit.
Holy mother of...
An orgasm that hadn’t existed three seconds ago shot into being. The bliss spiralled around his finger as he thrust inside me and suckled.
A guttural grunt fell from him as he tongued me hard. His touch was too intense. Too treacherous. Gil had always had the ability to strip me bare and leave me with nothing.
“O...” Gil nuzzled between my legs, eating me, inhaling me, dominating me.
The air crackled and wept around us, full of regret and remorse.
Regret for what?
Remorse for who?
He drove such thoughts from my mind with another body-clenching lick. My heart pounded with lust. My blood sang and shot through my veins, laced with something scarier and much more profound than just desire.
I wanted to come. Desperately. But I was also terrified because I knew the moment my body plummeted, my heart would too.
And I can’t survive it.
Almost as if Gil heard my plea, he soared from his knees. Looming behind me, the clink of his belt buckle and the hiss of his zipper were my only warnings as his hot, hard cock speared between my legs and straight into me.
He ducked to fill me deeper. His erection bruised me, hurt me, ploughing me from my feet and onto the table.
I was totally at his mercy.
My fingernails clawed at the wood, searching for grip as he pulled back and slammed into me again and again.
Gil was complex. He had secrets and tempers and love that didn’t make sense, but beneath all that complexity was utter simplicity.
He needed me as much as I needed him.
He always had.
And that broke me into a million pieces because he’d torn us apart to survive without each other and look at what we’d become.
Rutting, fucking animals intent on destroying each other because we couldn’t cope with the alternative.
The sweet happily-ever-after alternative.
His thrusts vibrated with violence. His brutal, unforgiving hands squeezed and spread my ass cheeks. And through it all, my core wettened and welcomed, letting him treat me as callously as he wanted.
Because God it felt good.
Unbelievably good.
“Gil...” The table squeaked and screeched as he pounded into me, driving me with each thrust toward the kitchen. The wood groaned as if the fixings would come apart and send me straight to the floor.
But Gil didn’t stop.
And I didn’t ask him to.
He fucked me.
His hard cock plunged again and again, and each time he filled me, I arched up to encourage him to take more.
He grunted with pleasure and pain, matching the bruises he graced me with. His hands left my ass, clawing their way up my spine to rip at my blouse and tug it over my shoulder.