“Is he there for you in the same way?” I asked.
The sound of running water filled the space as Justin answered, “He’s had my back. Yes.”
“What do you think he’s hiding?”
Justin narrowed his eyes as he returned to the couch and sat. “Not really my business.”
“But you’ve wondered.”
“I’ve wondered.”
“Any ideas?”
He sighed. “I think you should ask him if you—”
“He wouldn’t tell me. Just like he hasn’t told you.”
“That’s true.” He sipped his water before placing the glass on the coffee table. “I’m guessing it’s something big. Like I said to you on messenger, there’s something in his past that screwed him up. He’s still screwed up.”
“Screwed up in what way?”
“The worst possible way.”
Goosebumps scattered over my arms. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means shut the fuck up and stop discussing my problems.” The harsh growl wrenched my head to the office door.
Gil stood on the threshold, arms crossed, face murderous.
Justin leapt to his feet. “Hey, mate. Where the hell have you been?”
Gil’s jaw worked as he struggled to rein in exhaustion and temper to reply nicely. He gave up, his fiery green eyes meeting mine. “Hanging out with old friends, Olin?”
Anger prickled, shooting me to my feet. “Don’t you dare.”
He rolled his eyes and stormed toward the kitchen. “Get out. Both of you.”
Justin turned on the spot, chasing him with his gaze. “What happened to you? Why are you so filthy?”
With Gil rummaging in a cupboard, my attention was no longer held hostage by his stare, giving me a chance to study him.
He still wore the paint-splattered clothing from this morning, but he looked as if he’d crawled through a hedgerow, scaled a mountain, and bushwhacked through a forest. Dirt smeared his T-shirt and jeans, mud decorated his arms and hands, and muck clung to his boots, leaving little trails of debris from his march.
A case of déjà vu hit me.
Gil had been just as dirty the night we’d had sex for the first time. He’d been beaten, bloody, and drunk.
He’s not drunk this time.
I spoke too soon as Gil found what he wanted and spun to face us defiantly. A fresh bottle of vodka hung in his fist. With a lethal look, he unscrewed the lid and swigged straight from the bottle.
With his head tipped back, injuries not visible came to light. A cut followed the line of his jaw. A bruise bloomed on his collarbone. A dried river of blood trickled from his hairline.
Shit.
Standing, I tossed my blanket to the couch and moved toward him. “Give me the bottle, Gil.”
He snarled like a feral animal. His teeth sharp and bared. His eyes wild and haunted. “Leave, Olin. I’m not in the mood for company.”
“She can’t leave, Clark.” Justin cut in. “She was almost abducted today.”
Gil froze. “What?” He pinned me with a fierce stare. “What happened?”
“He was in my apartment. When I left to come here, a black van tailed me.” Coldness settled into my bones as Gil took another healthy swig.
And another.
His body vibrated with tension but he didn’t flock to protect me or demand to know every detail. He acted as if he couldn’t care less.
As if his protective routine was over and done with. That his need for me was finished.
I struggled to keep my tone level and not wobble with sudden sadness. “I tried calling you, Gil. Countless times. But when you didn’t pick up, I didn’t have anyone else to call...so I asked Justin for help.”
He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Yeah, well. I was otherwise indisposed.”
“I know.” I shot Justin a quick glance. “I get why you couldn’t answer to start with, but you’ve been gone all night. Where have you been?” My voice softened with concern. “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I was so worried.”
I risked vulnerability.
I put everything on the line so I didn’t have to stare at such an indifferent, frosty face.
Gil’s temper blended with exhaustion as if my sign of caring was all too much. His spine rolled, and he rubbed at his eyes.
The coldness I’d read on him slipped into liquid regret. His eyes returned to fiery emeralds as his body became soft and caring.
Tripping toward me, he held the vodka bottle in one hand and cupped my cheek with the other. Not caring Justin watched, he pulled me forward and kissed me swift and deep.
I gasped at the affection. Buckled at the need.
He kissed me as if he was seconds away from killing me or taking his own life.
His tongue laced with sharp alcohol. His breath faint. His energy drained. And not drained from a long day of paint commissions, police interviews, and whatever else he’d been doing, but drained from something that ate him alive.
Something monstrous that sucked on his soul, gnawed his heartbeats, and left him with just enough dregs in which to survive.
My arms trembled to hug him. To give him a safe harbour in which to rest.
But his kiss was over as quickly as it had begun, and his eyes shuttered with fury. “I told you to stay away. I begged you.” He swayed back and tipped the bottle to his lips. He sucked down four big mouthfuls before laughing, cold and heartbroken. “I’m sorry, Olin. For everything. But I need you to leave. I...I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know what the fuck I was thinking.” He narrowed his eyes at Justin. “Keep her safe, Miller. Please.” Shoving his hand into his pocket, he stalked to the door that was always locked beside his bedroom and inserted a key.
Without another word, he vanished into graffiti rainforests and rooms filled with secrets...with the alcohol.
The door slammed with finality.
I didn’t move for the longest moment.
Shell-shocked and war-kissed, my lips tingled and heart smoked with every layer of pain Gilbert had just fed me. In his kiss, he’d shared something explicitly real and inexplicitly complicated. With his mouth on mine, he’d commanded me to go, all while he’d begged me to stay.
And now, I was torn between everything.
Justin’s hand landed on my shoulder. “Come on, O. Let’s leave.”
I shrugged him off almost angrily. “I can’t go, Justin.” Turning to face him, I sucked in a breath. A breath I’d need for the fight I was about to endure. “I’m not going anywhere. Not tonight.” Tears glossed my eyes even as my hands curled into fists. “Can’t you see? Don’t you understand?”
His eyes danced over mine. “See what?”
“He’s breaking.”
“He wants to be alone.”
“I leave him alone now, and he won’t be the same tomorrow.”
He shook his head. “I know I said you guys have something special, but...O. This is not the time to try and help.”
“This is the perfect time. The only time.”
“He’s not going to come out of that room sober.”
“I know.”
“In all the time I’ve known him, he’s always kept that door locked.” He threw a worried glance at the barred door. “I don’t know what’s in there. I suggest you’re not here to find out.”