“I’m not afraid of him.”
“You sure about that?” He leaned closer. “You’re the one who asked me if he was capable of killing someone.”
“That was a mistake.”
“I’m all for you guys working shit out, but come on, Olin. Wake up. Just because you’ve been back in his life for a few days, you think you’re the magic pill to cure him?” He laughed sharply. “I wish it was that easy. But the fact is, he’s not some school project for you to fix. He’s not gonna appreciate you staying. And...I don’t think it’s safe. He’s not a killer, but he has something warring inside him—let him fight that battle on his own.”
I crossed my arms, hugging myself for strength. “Yeah, because that method has been working so well so far.”
“You don’t know that. He actually did something other than paint and mope around the past week...he might be dealing with—”
“He had me. That’s why. I’ve been here helping him—”
“Distracting him, you mean.”
“Maybe, but is that such a bad thing?”
He sighed as if our argument drained him. “Look, it’s late. We both have a life we have to deal with in the morning. Come crash at mine where it’s safe and come back tomorrow...when he’s had time to cool off.”
“I can’t leave.”
“Yes, you can.” He smirked almost cruelly. “He left you pretty easily as I recall. You’re just repaying the favour.”
My heart hiccupped.
I didn’t reply. I wouldn’t stoop to pointless ridicule or petty fights.
“Shit, sorry.” Justin held out his hand in surrender. “I didn’t mean that.”
“I know.” My skin pebbled with goosebumps. “But I think you better go.”
“I don’t want to leave without you.”
“But you’re going to.”
He stared at me and then the locked door, his eyes narrowed as if he could see Gil and the vodka he currently poured down his throat. “Don’t do this, O.”
“Please go.”
“I’m not comfortable leaving you here alone with him in his current condition.”
“It’s none of your concern.”
“You made it my concern when you asked for my help! I mean, you were in a car chase today! Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Worry about yourself, rather than him. If he’s the reason you’re in danger, then it makes sense to put distance between you until—”
“Justin...” I waited until his shoulders slouched. “I appreciate all your advice and what you’ve done for me. Truly, I’m ever so grateful. I’m very glad to have you back in my life, and I owe you a huge debt, but...I’m not going to ask again. Gilbert pushed me away once. He succeeded back then, but this time...he won’t.”
He paced with a sigh. “What if his disappearance is tied with the guy harassing you? What if this mess is only going to get worse and Gil can’t protect you—”
“I have no doubt it’s connected.” I tipped my chin up. “And that’s why I’m staying. He’s been dealing with this on his own for too long. He can scream at me, get drunk, hurt me, yell at me, and call me every name he can, but until he tells me exactly what the hell is going on, I’m not leaving. I deserve to know. I’m owed answers. And he’s going to give them to me. Tonight. ”
Our argument screeched to a standstill. Justin’s arms hung loosely by his sides, his defeat obvious. “You never stopped loving him, did you?”
I stiffened. “What did I know of love? I was a teenager. We all were.”
He gave me a depressing smile. “You knew.” Backing up, he grabbed his black blazer from where he’d tossed it on the back of the couch. “And I knew, even while we dated. I hope he deserves you, O. I truly do. I hope he has answers that give you peace.”
“Me too.”
“I’ll have my phone on me at all times. Call me if there’s anything you need. And I do mean anything, okay?”
“Okay.” I smiled, unwilling to let him walk out angry. “Thanks again, Justin. Truly.”
“You’re welcome.” With another grim look, he saluted me as if I’d been drafted into battle. “Please be safe.”
I nodded.
He let himself out.
He left me alone with a man who didn’t want me.
All because I’d commanded him to.
Chills etched my skin with frosty lace as I inched toward the closed door. My knuckles rapped softly as I pressed my forehead on the unforgiving wood. “He’s gone, Gil. It’s just me.”
No sound.
No murmur.
Nothing.
I sighed heavily, twisting around to lean against the door. An owl perched above me and an otter played in the stream by my feet. The rainforest graffiti did its best to twist lies with truth...just like the painter who’d created it. “You haven’t just been with the police tonight...have you?” I looked around his living room, searching for clues on the dark mystery surrounding Gilbert Clark.
But there was nothing.
Just like there was nothing from Gil barricaded in the locked room.
Sliding to the floor, I wrapped arms around my knees. “I think you’re hurting, Gil.” I kept my voice lower than a whisper. Too low for his ears behind the door. Almost too low for mine.
Instead, I spoke to his apartment—to the bare kitchen and barren lounge. I asked the shadows to help me understand.
“I think you’re caught up in something so much bigger than you or me. I think you’ve been dealing with it for a very long time. I think...”
I swallowed hard as tears prickled and escaped the prison of my eyelashes, rolling wetly down my cheeks. A horrible realisation sprang into awareness. A horrendous connection between past and present. “I think...you disappeared from school because of whatever is hurting you now. I think you’ve kept a secret all these years, and it’s chewing you alive. I think you’re all alone and trapped, and if I’m right, I don’t know how I can ever forgive you for not turning to me. For not trusting me to be strong enough to help you. I loved you. I would’ve weathered any storm with you.”
My tears stopped as I stared forlornly at the ceiling. “I was there for you then and you didn’t want me. I’m here for you now, and this time...you don’t have a choice.”
Turning to press my hot, damp cheek to the door, I spoke loud enough for him to hear. “I’m not going anywhere, Gil. Not this time. So drink away your misery, hide behind this door, and take all the hours you need because when you come out, you’re going to tell me. Everything.”
* * * * *
My eyes flew open as something heavy tripped over me.
The gloominess of the living room gave just enough illumination as Gil opened the locked door, stumbled drunk and bleary eyed, then somersaulted over me where I lay on the floor.
He cursed as he twisted to cushion his fall, then grunted as the hard floor welcomed him with a cruel jolt.
I sat bolt upright, reaching for his sprawled body. “Sorry! I didn’t mean to—”
“Kill me?” His voice once again held the heaviness of liquor and looseness. He hadn’t slurred, but he definitely wasn’t sober.