I don’t leave the room any less broken than when I stepped foot into it. I find that to be a success, considering I now knew when I was going to next see Asa and Juliet face to face. It’s because I have something, no matter how small, to look forward to.
The only problem was I didn’t know how to search for a job. Growing up, I was taught to believe the most gratifying job I could have was one of wife. But I had no fulfillment at being Oliver’s wife like I was raised to have.
So I have to find fulfillment elsewhere. Even if that fulfillment rests in a profession that is menial or demanding, all that matters is for the first time in a long time, I will have something decided by me alone.
CHAPTER SIX
Nathalie
“I believe that’s everythin’.”
Étienne looks around my new room, utterly baffled. “That was two suitcases.”
I shrug a shoulder. “I didn’t pack a considerable amount of belongins’.”
In the hallway Alex runs, her feet lightly thumping against the wood floor followed by Serene warning her to slow down.
“Well, if that’s all,” I say gently, hoping Étienne understands the hint.
Yet he stands back. I believe he thinks I’m going to have a change of heart and decide to come home with him, but that isn’t the case. As much as I love my family, and the memories made in Belgrave, times have changed. I have changed. Étienne’s creating a new family there, and truthfully, I don’t need my brother the way I did before.
I’m tempted to grab his hand and gently tell him, “It’s okay. You don’t have to take care of me any longer.”
But that isn’t necessarily true. I went from Belgrave to the Lacroix House, under the care of one brother to the next. And I know Étienne’s concern is unending. He can’t help but worry.
He’s more than a brother. He’s a father to me.
Scratching the back of his head, Étienne stares at the floor, deep in thought. Suddenly he looks at me. “If this is about the money you gave Rainey.”
“It’s not,” I cut in, and for good measure, I add, “Don’t offer me money, Étienne. I know you want to, but I won’t take it.”
“You’re my little sister. My only sister.”
“I know. But your little sister was holdin’ your little son this mornin’ and havin’ a spirited debate with your little daughter over breakfast about why cookies first thing in the mornin’ is not a good idea.”
“Why are you tellin’ me this?”
“I’m tellin’ you this to remind you that I’m no longer the little one of the family.”
Étienne crosses his arms and scowls. The last thing he wants to hear is this, and to be honest, neither do I, but deep in my heart, I know it to be true.
I no longer know myself and no amount of money will fix that. Just time and courage.
At least, that’s what I believe.
We become quiet. With unsaid words and questions between us. I don’t want to answer Étienne’s questions. I don’t have the energy for it. So, I shift the conversation. “Speakin’ of your family, I hear Chris P. Bacon might be joinin’ your family.”
Étienne momentarily frowns before his eyes close. He shakes his head. “No more pets. Just the cat.”
I grin. “It’s a clever name.”
My brother tries to appear stoic and unmoved, but I see the way the corner of his mouth curls up ever so slightly. “I suppose.” He lifts a shoulder. “If the cat remains alive by next year, perhaps Mr. Bacon can join the family.”
Unbelievable. Not two minutes ago he was saying no more animals and now he’s contemplating the idea of having a pig as a pet. Alex has her daddy wrapped around her little finger.
“I wish you could see the way your face changes when speak about your children,” I say.
Étienne frowns, but remains quiet.
“It only confirms what I said earlier. I’m no longer little, but there’s two little children, and your wife, who need all your love and attention.”
For once, my brother says nothing. He wants to, but he knows I’m right.
Serene peeks inside the room, lightly bouncing my nephew in her arms. “Étienne, we should be going. Trace is getting fussy, and Alex acts as though this is her first time indoors.”
Seconds later, there’s a thump somewhere in the house and a wail. Serene’s face falls before she disappears out of sight. “Gotta go,” she hollers. “Love you, Nat!”
Étienne gestures to the open doorway. “I should leave before my children drive their momma insane.”
I faintly smile. “That’s probably for the best.”
“Don’t forget. I’m sending one of the cooks from Belgrave to help with cookin’ and the house.”
“You don’t need to do that.”
“Livingston has been livin’ like a bachelor, more so since he returned from war. Trust me, I’m doin’ you a favor.”
I smile faintly. I’ve fought my brother on a lot of things lately. I’ll give him this. “Well, thank you.”
Étienne dips his head. I can tell he wants to say more. Of course, he does. It’s Étienne’s nature to control everything around him, and to keep his thoughts to himself has to be torturous.
“You’re welcome. Let me or Serene know if you need anything.”
“I will,” I say, as I walk with him toward the door.
Étienne gives me one last look, sighs and then walks down the hall. Moments later, the shrieks turn to giggles as I hear him speak French to Alex as he picks her up. His family is far from quiet as they move toward the front door.
The silence that follows as the door clicks shut behind them is a bit unnerving.
I have a moment of doubt. What if I made a hasty decision? Perhaps living at Belgrave really is in my best interest. Perhaps-
I shake my head to rid myself of all my doubts. The truth is I’m just terrified at what comes next. I don’t know how long it will take or how much rejection I will face. More work opportunities arose after the war for women, but nothing compared to the options men had.
I take a deep breath and whisper aloud, “You will be fine.”
I leave my room to go in search of Livingston. Like I anticipated, he had no qualms about me living in the Lacroix House. He didn’t ask questions either. The contrast between my brothers goes far beyond looks. Étienne is a solemn, sharp businessman. Livingston is an insouciant, charming man. He tries to find the humor in most things. Even in the macabre.
After a quick search of the third floor, I find my brother on the second floor, in his office. Surprisingly, he’s sitting behind the desk, deeply focused on the papers in front of him. Typically, it’s Étienne that’s engrossed in documents.
I knock lightly before I enter.
Livingston lifts his head, his eyes wide with surprise, almost as though he forgot I was here.
“They left,” I comment as I look around the office that also serves as a library.
“I know. I felt the silence that filled the house the moment the door shut behind Alex.” Livingston stops rifting through the papers, and blindly stares ahead before he shudders. “My God does that child have endless amounts of energy.”