“She does,” I agree. “My room was close to hers at Belgrave, and she never sleeps.”
“She looks like Serene, but her personality is all Étienne.”
I give a small smile. “Quite remarkable, isn’t it?”
Livingston arches a brow. “Does little Alex already have you wrapped around her finger?”
I shrug. “Perhaps. She’s an incredibly special girl.”
“That she is.” Livingston sighs and looks around the room. “Are you situated in your room?”
I nod. “Didn’t take long. I didn’t take a lot with me from Savannah.”
“From the way Étienne carried on, I thought there were trunks filled with your belongins’ that needed to be moved in.”
I shake my head. “The reason Étienne carried on and stayed as long as he did is because he was hopin’ I changed my mind and went back to Belgrave with him.”
Livingston briefly looks away before he looks back at me, his eyes filled with compassion. “You understand that everyone is concerned about you.”
“I know.”
“And you know that both Serene and Étienne want what’s best for you.”
“I know that too.”
“It’s…” Livingston struggles to find the right words before he sighs. “You’ve changed, Nattie.”
My mouth opens, ready to tell Livingston what I had prepared to say, but he lifts a hand. “No, I don’t believe it’s a requirement of you to tell all your secrets. I understand more than you know that it’s your choice to decide when it’s the right time to talk.” He shrugs. “Or not talk at all. Your decision.”
At Livingston’s words, a half-smirk graces my lips. “Thank you,” I say.
Just as I promised that I would someday come back to Charleston, the same cannot be said for my time at Brignac House. When I left, I closed that door of my life. And that included memories of that dark time. I know there will come a day I’ll unlock that door, but not now, and certainly not tomorrow.
I don’t know when it will be. I just know I’m not ready.
My family will say that ignoring the past won’t make it go away, but everyone has their way of coping. Étienne buries himself in his work. Livingston gets by with alcohol. We’re all flawed. The only difference is my siblings found someone to save them. I’m still drowning, frantically trying to find anything to cling to.
“What are you doin’?” I ask, anxious to change the topic.
Livingston’s gaze travels to the papers in front of him, albeit reluctantly. “Goin’ through documents.”
I stand there and watch Livingston. Now that he’s engaged to Rainey, his life has changed. He doesn’t have a woman hanging on his arm every night. His drinking has stopped. Not considerably, but altogether.
He still holds the charm and humor that makes him Livingston, but there’s somberness in his eyes. I know I’ve missed so much since I’ve been away from Charleston. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who has changed.
I want to ask him what he experienced, but there’s a part of me that instinctively knows I need to earn back trust I undoubtedly lost since I’ve been gone.
“Why are you goin’ through all this paperwork?” I ask, trying to keep my voice light.
“I sold my shares of AT&T in late August,” Livingston replies, continuing to thumb through the documents. “Right before Rainey and I got engaged.”
My brows lift. “You don’t regret that?”
Livingston barely gives my question much thought. “No. I think you’re confusin’ me with Étienne. But I did my due diligence and spoke with Asa and—”
At once, my heart picks up speed at the mere mention of him. The move to Lacroix has kept my mind busy. I kept any thoughts of Asa to only when I was lying in bed by myself. Just as I did when I was at Brignac House. In a way, it was nice. Memories of him were like an intimate ghost that came to comfort me because I would never have the real person.
I clear my throat and ask with indifference. “Asa?”
Recognizing his blunder, Livingston stops sorting through the papers and lifts his head. “I … uh.” He clears his throat. “Yes, I spoke to him because he’s actively involved with AT&T. Well, technically, Southern Bell Telephone and Telegraph Company. Most recently, he’s begun to work at the regional office here in Charleston.” He quickly looks back down at the papers in front of him.
I had forgotten about Asa’s involvement with AT&T. He had mentioned it to me in passing several years ago. I remember sharing his excitement. I remember building that piece of information into my new life I was dreaming up with him. And then everything was so cruelly ripped away…
“It’s best I sold my shares,” Livingston continues. “I love money as much as the next man, but I love Rainey more.”
Livingston’s words are heartbreakingly sweet. I can feel my heart drop to my stomach at his words because I don’t know if I’ll ever have someone make such sacrifices for me. “You want to try and give her the best,” I say aloud.
My humorous brother now stares at me solemnly, as though my statement is preposterous to say because it’s clear to see. “Of course.”
Everyone at one point in their life will need protection. And most of us will try to find it in the arms of another trusting soul.
For me, it’s always been one person I relied on. That person is now married and starting a life with someone else.
Yet here I am, contemplating the idea of asking him for help.
“Don’t forget, Alex’s birthday is a few days away,” Livingston says distractedly as he turns his attention back to the documents.
I nod, thoughtfully. “I won’t.”
“Ahh, here you are!” Livingston pulls out a thin sheet of paper and holds it out in front of him victoriously. He flicks the corner of it. “You’ve been hidin’ from me, but now I’ve found you.”
I let my brother celebrate his small victory and walk back to my room, determined to have victory of my own. All I need to do is figure out how to talk to Asa Calhoun like the past never occurred and I still did not love him.
CHAPTER SEVEN
1900
Nathalie
“Happy Birthday! Make the best of wishes, Nattie,” Momma said.
“Don’t tell her that,” Julian groaned. “We’ll be here all night while she thinks of the perfect wish.” Impatiently, my brother moved from foot to foot, his eyes never wavering from the chocolate cake in front of me.
Momma shook her head and smiled at me. “Give your sister time.”
“Yes. This is a crucial age. You’re thirteen, right?” Daddy said with a smile.
I tilted my head to look up at him. “No, I’m nine!”
“No, no. Julian is fifteen and there’s two years between the two of you. That makes you thirteen.”
My chin dipped down as I grinned. “No, there’s six years, and I’m nine,” I stated confidently.
Daddy smiled back, his eyes crinkling at the corners. “Ah, if you say so. Make a wish, my beautiful girl.”