I am no fool. This is the South, and even though slavery was abolished well over fifty years ago, segregation was not. But for me, my staff are my friends. When I look at them, I see people who would comfort me after my father screamed at me. Who would help me clean up the library after my father destroyed the books when he was deep in his cups.
They saw nothing wrong with me. They accepted me. And for that, they would always have my loyalty.
“Do you want a drink?”
I merely stare at her as she smiles at me.
“People think coffee can fix the day, but that simply means they haven’t had the perfect glass of sweet tea.”
I’m astounded, trying to accept that the actions I witnessed belong to the person I married. After a few seconds, I blink rapidly and clear my throat. I look at my expectant wife with her beaming, hopeful eyes. “If you’re sorry, apologize to the servants.”
At once, her sweet demeanor disappears. “Pardon me?”
“You are regretful for your actions. You said so yourself to me, but I think you need to voice your sentiment to the staff.”
You would think, due to the stunned expression on Juliet’s face, that I hurled hateful insults her way. She clutches her hands to her chest. “Pardon me?”
“You didn’t debase me. You debased them, and you need to apologize.”
My wife steps toward me, eyes wide. “You can’t mean to degrade me in front of the servants in such a manner, do you?”
“It’s an apology. I’m not askin’ you to burn at the stake.”
The way Juliet’s reacting, one would think she would rather face fire than admit her faults. “Asa, they’re servants.”
“No, they’re people, and this a job for them.”
Her eyes remain hard and unmoved. After a long beat of silence, I think she’s going to refuse when she finally nods. “Very well. If this is what you need. I will do it.”
I arch a brow. “Excellent.” I brush past her, and opening the dining room door, I barely have Lemrich’s name out before he’s standing in front of me.
“Can you send in the girl my wife humiliated?”
Lemrich doesn’t flinch at my blunt question. “Of course. I’ll send Alice down right away.”
It occurs to me that I don’t know her name. I actually don’t know a lot of their names. I can argue that I rely on Lemrich to run the operations of the home. Or perhaps I am just as culpable as Juliet, not bothering to know my staff because I am too lost in my work. My life. The very thought is humbling.
“Lemrich. Wait,” I blurt.
He stops and turns, and patiently waits.
“Please bring everyone back in.”
He doesn’t ask questions and immediately leaves.
Juliet hears me and instantly objects. “Everyone? I did not agree to that, Asa!” she says behind me.
I look over my shoulder and sigh. “I heard you yell at more than just the girl, so I believe this is necessary.”
Juliet’s lips draw into a flatline, and her nostrils flare as she stares at me. Stubbornly, I stare back. She looks close to saying what’s precisely on her mind, when there’s a sharp rap on the door.
“Come in,” I say, while holding Juliet’s gaze. When the door opens, and she sees it’s the staff, she breaks eye contact and walks toward the windows.
The staff is just as quiet as when they departed the first time. Confusion fills their gazes as they file into the room one by one. The dining room becomes filled with apprehension as everyone stares expectantly at me. I look to Juliet, but when I see she has her back to the room and is still looking out the window, I address the staff.
“I brought everyone back to address what I saw earlier. I apologize for how you were spoken to.” I take my time to look at each and every individual person. “My wife is deeply ashamed and has a few words for all of you. Don’t you, Juliet?”
At the sound of her name, Juliet turns. Her entire face is beat red. Anger positively vibrates off of her.
She looks down at the floor as she walks to my side and faces the staff. With her back ramrod straight, she looks up, but not at the staff. No, she instead gazes at the wall behind them.
“I am regretful for my behavior,” Juliet prattles off in a toneless voice. “If I upset anyone, I do apologize.” She pauses and looks at me from the corner of my eye. “It will not happen again.”
The silence that immerses the room fills my ears. Not a single person makes a sound. Multiple sets of eyes land on me. The tension hasn’t abated after Juliet’s brief talk. Her words were meaningless. I know that and so does everyone else. They all simply want to know what to do next.
Without looking at Juliet, I step forward and begin to speak to each of them one by one. I begin to put names to faces. Ellen who works in the kitchen, along with Ivy and Joy. There is Uriah who tends to the gardens, and Daisy and Effie who are Juliet’s personal maids. When I get to Alice, I discover she also works in the kitchen with her mother, Ellen.
They were hesitant when I first walked up to them, but as I talked to them one by one, the tension eased somewhat. I’m sure it could’ve been eased far more if Juliet followed suit. But she stubbornly stays put.
I dismiss them and as Alice walks out of the dining room, she looks at me, just for a second. But before she looks away, I see the question in her eyes, Who did you let into this home?
I know the question because it’s one I’m asking myself at this very moment.
My wife’s demeanor changed so swiftly, I almost question if I saw her humiliate the servant. But there’s no mistaking the gleam that was in Juliet’s eyes. She was aware of her actions.
Once the room is empty, I turn back to my wife. She’s back at the window, gazing at nothing in particular. As though she can sense me staring, she turns to me. “Is that all you need from me?” Her question asked through clenched teeth.
For several seconds, I carefully regard her. I’ve always believed myself to be a good judge in character. If I gathered anything from my father, it was that I needed to have good instincts if I wanted to survive the world. But I didn’t know Juliet like I thought I did. We all have character imperfections, but there is something looming beneath Juliet. I can’t describe it, and that’s what makes it all the more unnerving. I’m not certain I want to know.
I clear my throat and gesture to the doorway. “That will be all.”
Juliet hurries out of the room, not hiding her hatred for me. I don’t go after her because I hate myself and the marriage I said yes to. And every night when I lie next to my wife, it’s not her who haunts my dreams. When I’m on top of her, I don’t see her features. I see Nathalie’s.
I sit in one of the dining room seats and drop my face into my hands. My life is far from how I envisioned it. I can’t remember the last time it was easy.
No, that’s not true. It was before Nathalie changed and I saw her differently. When she was still a little girl and needed me in the role of an older brother. Life presented its challenges, but if I knew what I know now, I’d go back.
My God, I’d go back…
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
1903
Asa
“Have you considered takin’ the job position at C.T. Lowndes & Company?”