Crew lifted his hands and tugged violently on his hair. “This is crazy. How could we have a sister we know nothing about? How could Dad provide for that woman—save her life—and not even shed a single tear when our mother, his wife, died? I thought things would be easier with him gone, but now everything seems even more complicated. Are we supposed to welcome this stranger into our family? Are we supposed to like her, to feel sorry for her since she also lost her mother and got stuck with Conrad Lawton as a father? I don’t know what to think.”
Watching Crew work himself up, I knew he was on the verge of making a bad decision. We shared that trait, letting our emotions rule us and lead us into trouble. Crew liked to gamble, liked the risk and the thrill. What had started out as a hobby ended up with him in the grip of a full-blown addiction and in deep with some very bad, very dangerous people. He’d been on the straight and narrow since meeting Della, realizing there was more to life than the next bet, but I could see he was losing his grip on his restraint, and I refused to let him backslide.
Discreetly texting Della that it was time to collect her man, I made my way around the bar and stopped in front of Crew. I reached up and put my hands on his shoulders, meeting his wild stare with a steady one of my own.
“We don’t have to do anything tonight. It’s been one hell of a day and I think we’ve all held up as well as could be expected. Yes, this was a shock. We’ll deal with it together, just like we always do. I think it’s too early to worry about how this woman fits into our lives. She might not want anything to do with us once she gets the full picture of who Conrad was. Right now, he’s a man she feels indebted to. She doesn’t know he was a monster. Once she does, she very well could decide to steer clear of us.”
The Lawtons were a lot to take on. You really had to have a lot of love for one of us to be willing to embrace our never-ending drama and disorder. The baggage we all carried around was heavy and unwieldy. You never knew when a piece of it was going to topple and crush whatever good thing we had going on in the moment. That woman with my eyes, my father’s eyes, didn’t seem like the warm and fuzzy type. I doubted she had a lot of patience for anything as high maintenance as the Lawtons.
My brother continued to pull at his hair until tears filled his pretty blue eyes. “I feel like I’m going crazy. I swear this is all some kind of messed-up dream.”
Case let out a dry, brittle-sounding laugh. “A nightmare. Hey, maybe we won’t want anything to do with her. Her mother was a blackmailer. Her father was a soulless, corrupt cop. Maybe she’s just as bad as them.”
This was spiraling out of control. “Enough.” I gave Crew a little shake. “We don’t know anything about her, and she doesn’t know anything about us. That isn’t going to change tonight. We all need a breather. We can decide what we’re going to do when our heads are clear. Right now you need to go home to your women. Let them take care of you.”
I would be forever grateful they’d both found women up to that task, because it was never going to be easy.
Case clumsily got to his feet and stumbled his way to where Crew and I were standing. He nearly knocked Crew over when he tossed a heavily muscled arm across the other man’s shoulders. Crew was no petite flower, but Case was a giant in comparison. A big, drunk, sloppy giant. Aspen was going to have her hands full when she got here. Luckily she’d sent a text not too long ago saying she was on her way. I figured Della must have sent out an SOS. Thank goodness for future sisters-in-law.
“Who’s going to take care of you, Kode? That used to be our job, but you don’t let us do it anymore.” Case sounded sulky and put out. He’d definitely had more than his limit if he was openly talking about his feelings. The man was usually a brick wall when it came to discussing emotions.
I sighed and struggled to stay on my feet as his other arm wrapped around my neck, pulling me in for a hug that was nearly strangling.
I pushed ineffectively against his broad chest and called his name. “Case! Let me go. I can’t breathe.”
A smacking kiss landed on the top of my head, and I felt him rest his cheek on top of my curly hair. “I worry about you, kiddo. No matter what, you’re always going to be our baby sister. I only want you to be happy.”
I thought I heard him sniff. If Case started crying, I had no idea what I was going to do. He was the strong one. He was the one always in control. He was the one who refused to show weakness. Crew was right, this was like some kind of dream where everything was upside down.
“You and Crew did a good job raising me and loving me. I don’t need anyone to take care of me because you guys taught me how to take care of myself.” I liked being independent and self-sufficient. It felt less risky than relying on someone else. I’d trusted Aaron to stay by my side and help me navigate the treacherous waters of growing up and building a life together, and in the end he’d left me alone to figure it out by myself. I’d also believed that Hill would be there forever to make sure nothing bad happened to his brother…or to me. It was honestly devastating when he proved me wrong. As a result, I tried not to lean on anyone. That way the only person letting me down and disappointing me was myself.
Case pulled back and grabbed my face between his hands. He squished my cheeks and made my mouth pucker in a way that had Crew cracking up and me trying to shake him loose.
“What about Hill?” Case’s clearly unfocused gaze suddenly had a dangerous gleam sparking in its icy blue depths. “He’d take good care of you if you let him.”
I froze instinctively. There was no way Case could know that relying on Hill Gamble again was my greatest fear, something I’d fought against since I’d lost Aaron. I still remembered the heavy, sinking feeling deep in my gut the first time Hill didn’t answer one of my panicked calls in the middle of the night. I could tell something was different when we talked. I always tried to ask how he was, checked to see if he was taking care of himself and enjoying life outside of Loveless, before diving into whatever was going on with Aaron. But Hill had been curt, making each call shorter and shorter. He would listen to whatever I had to say about Aaron, would offer his opinion and advice, but the easy conversation, the friendly touching base, was withering away. Eventually I felt like I was bothering him, even harassing him each time I called, so I started sending him text messages instead. He always responded, but often with one-word answers that came hours later. I missed having contact with him. Missed his voice. Missed his promises that things with Aaron would work out. I flat-out missed him, and felt horrible anytime Aaron asked what I was sulking about. I was trying my best to save one brother while secretly wondering why the other was forcibly pushing me out of his life. They were both breaking my heart, and I couldn’t tell either one why.
“Of course you think that. He’s your best friend. Hill and I have nothing in common, and he rubs me the wrong way. I’d kill him before he got around to taking care of me.” I scoffed and shook loose of my oldest brother’s hold. “Plus, did you get a good look at him today? He’s barely taking care of himself right now.”
It hurt, somewhere inside my frozen heart, when I remembered how tired and haggard Hill had looked today. I never really gave much thought to the fact that he was a few years older than me, but today each of those years had shown on his handsome face. He hadn’t complained, had not fought when I begged him to stay with me today. I didn’t want to read too much into his actions, or into the fact that he was reliable no matter how bratty and immature I acted toward him. Hill was a pillar of strength, just like Case. It was in their DNA to take care of others, to protect. Which was why it drove me nuts that Hill had never seemed to know exactly how fragile Aaron was. In the back of my mind, I always wondered: If Hill had paid more attention, would Aaron still be here? It wasn’t fair to lay that on him, I knew it, but that didn’t stop the thought from popping up whenever Hill was exceptionally good to me.