Since we were always in sync, it was no surprise when Crew chided a very inebriated Case. “She was engaged to Hill’s younger brother. She loved Aaron, Case. Don’t you think it would be a little awkward if she was suddenly gaga over his brother?”
I shot Crew a grateful look, but it quickly faded away when Case threw his arm over my shoulder and grumbled, “She only picked Aaron because he was as messed up as we were. She didn’t think she deserved better, didn’t think she deserved a good guy like Hill.”
I gasped in shock. I felt like his words were a physical blow. The sting from the truth in them made my skin burn and set my ears ringing.
When I suddenly pulled away from Case, his blurry eyes widened as he landed on his rear end on the wooden floor of the bar. His Stetson fell off, making him swear up a storm as he glared up at me and Crew.
My middle brother shook his head at the man on the floor and reached out to pull me into a tight hug. He rubbed a hand on my back and barked at Case, “I know you’re drunk, but that’s uncalled for. Some things are off-limits. We don’t talk about you getting tricked into knocking up the prom queen when we all know you’re smarter than that, and we don’t talk about the man Kody chose to spend her life with, the man she loved, with anything other than respect. You get a pass because today has been shit, but next time it won’t be Kody putting you on your ass, it’ll be me, and you won’t get up so fast.”
Case groaned, flinging his arms above his head and flopping on the floor on his back. He was lucky Hill had played drill sergeant and made my staff clean the place. Usually the floor of the bar was the last place I would recommend anyone getting comfortable, but right now it was clean enough it wouldn’t do him any harm.
“Remind me of this the next time I offer to be your private bartender.” I kicked the bottom of Case’s cowboy boot with the toe of my sandal. “You better get a damn good apology ready.”
I was still scowling at him when the door to the bar opened and revealed a statuesque blonde and a petite brunette. Della and Aspen couldn’t be more opposite in appearance, but they both had a quiet, steady core to them that I admired immensely. Neither one had lost who she was or given up on her own goals when she fell in love with one of my brothers.
Della waved at Crew, while Aspen jerked to a stop when she caught sight of her man sprawled on the floor like a felled tree. One of her midnight eyebrows shot up as she gave me a questioning look.
“I see the conversation went well.” She made her way over to Case, bending down so she could brush her fingers across his forehead. “You all right, hero?”
Case looked up at her, eyes still unfocused and slightly watery. “I just wanna go home with you.”
Aspen gave him a lopsided smile and nodded. “You got it.” She looked over at Crew, who had his head bent close to Della’s and was talking in a low voice. “I assume since you’re on your feet that you can help me get him to the car?”
Crew gave a grunt and narrowed his eyes. “We should leave him on the floor for the night. He deserves it.”
Aspen straightened and gave Crew a knowing smile. “But you won’t.”
Della dug her elbow into my brother’s side and told him flatly, “He won’t.”
I watched in silent amusement as all three of them wrestled a very uncooperative Case to his feet and out the door. I was going to lock it behind them so I could enjoy a drink or two in silence but was interrupted when Aspen suddenly stuck her head back inside.
I went still as she launched herself at me, wrapping her arms around me in a hug so tight, it rivaled the ones I’d just escaped from my brothers.
“If you need anything, let me know. If you don’t want to be alone tonight, come stay at the house. You know we have room.” Aspen and Case had recently moved into Aspen’s newly renovated Craftsman in the center of town. The house had nearly been destroyed by a fire not too long ago and was now a quirky work of art. Aspen insisted I had my own room, even if I never used it. It was a sweet thought.
“Thanks. I’m fine. I’m going to clean up here, have a drink, then go home and sleep for a decade. You worry about my idiot brother. He’s going to feel terrible in the morning.” I squeezed her back and told her honestly, “I’ll be okay.”
She pulled back, giving me a look I swore saw all the way down into my frozen soul. “I want you to be better than okay. But I’ll settle for okay for now.” She turned back to the door, pausing before she stepped outside. “The lawyer handling your father’s estate e-mailed me to set up a meeting. I can handle it all if you think that would be easier, or I can arrange for all of you to meet with him. You don’t have to decide right away, but give it some thought.”
I let out a little snort. “Is it bad if I say I don’t want anything he might have left behind for us?”
She shook her dark head and gave a sympathetic grin. “I think that’s perfectly reasonable considering that what he did give you while he was around was abuse and bad memories. We’ll talk soon.”
Once she was gone, I locked the door, hit the lights, leaving only the ones behind the bar on, and took the same seat Case had been sitting in. Sighing heavily, I let my head drop until my forehead was resting on the polished wood.
Even three sheets to the wind, my oldest brother saw too much, and it was exhausting. Back when we started hanging around the Gamble brothers, Hill was the one I’d noticed first. Hill was the one I’d been drawn to and fascinated by, even though I was pretty sure he viewed me as nothing more than a little kid at the time. However, when my mom got sick, Aaron was the one who seemed to understand how bad watching her wither away hurt. He not only recognized the pain, he was comfortable with it, embraced it. He never tried to tell me how I should act or how I should process my grief. He never cared when I lashed out, even if he was the target. He really was as messed up as me.
Hill, on the other hand, remained calm, cool, and collected regardless of what was going on around him. He was the one who quietly told me my actions might end up hurting the people closest to me. He was the one who questioned my motivations and asked if I really wanted to be the kind of person who acted without thinking first. At the time I was angry at what I thought was him unfairly judging me. When I got older, I finally understood why Hill had been warning me of the consequences of my actions. He was trying to get me to think things through when all I wanted to do was rage. When I wanted to burn the world down, Aaron was right beside me with matches and a can of gasoline. Hill was the one standing behind both of us with a fire extinguisher and the reminder that we could be burned by the flames.
They were as different as night and day, and I knew I wouldn’t be the woman I was today without the influence of both of them. But I also knew, and had known even as a kid, that there could be nothing between me and Hill. When you were born a Lawton there was no room for perfection. We didn’t know what to do with it, and we just ended up ruining it. So I purposely tried to stay away from Hill, and fell in love with the Gamble boy who made the most sense. Aaron and I were imperfect together, but at least we loved each other. I’d always been okay with that, or thought I was.
Yet here I was once again in the center of circumstances that were so far from perfect they felt impossible. And standing on the sideline, being his infallible, endlessly reliable self, was Hill. It was far too tempting to fall back on how we used to be. I wanted to believe he would be there for me when I needed him. But he’d let me down on that front once already. Wouldn’t it make me utterly foolish to expect him to keep showing up when things were ugly and complicated? And what would happen this time if I leaned on him and he let me fall? I wasn’t sure I had it in me to get back up from that kind of blow. I was sick and tired of pulling myself back to my feet, so I’d rather just stay standing.