“You can’t back out now, Scar,” he tells me, his voice hardening.
“No,” I shake my head, “That’s not it. I’m not going to. I’m just scared, I don’t know.”
“What do you have to be scared of? Our plan is solid as long as you follow it.”
“I could die,” I say, before I can stop myself. I hate how weak those three words sound coming out of my mouth.
“You won’t die,” he answers, so sure of himself, like I should just believe it.
My hands start to get clammy and my heart races again. I’ve been dreading this moment since things started to fall into place while working with Jay. I always knew the day was on the horizon and now it’s actually time. I just wish that when I look Trent in the eyes I didn’t see the indecision there. He can’t decide whether he loves me or hates me. Whether he wants me to die or stay alive. Pain grips my heart. Even if he hates me, even if I die, I still need to be honest with him. I spilled my guts to a room full of strangers weeks ago, but I have been holding onto one last truth meant just for Trent.
Taking a deep breath, I stand to my full height, and rub my hands down my pant legs. My head lifts, eyes colliding with his, once again. “If I do die—”
“You aren’t dying,” He cuts me off, and I take a step closer to him, cutting him off.
“If I die or I live and end up going to jail, I need you to know something,” I tell him, while tears sting my eyes, “I didn’t leave back then just because of Evita. I left to save our daughter.”
Trent’s eyes turn glacial, the muscle in his jaw twitches. “What?”
I take another step toward him and he takes one back. My chest squeezes in response. “I had to save myself to protect our baby.”
Silence stretches between us. I wait for him to speak or to yell, but he stays quiet. I open my own mouth to explain then close it again.
“What the fuck happened, Scarlet?” he finally grits out. “You knew you were pregnant and were okay with destroying my life anyways? Did it not ever occur to you that if you had just come to me, and told me everything, that I could have helped? I would have saved you both.”
I shake my head in denial, while tears cascade down my cheeks. “I couldn’t,” I whisper, “it wouldn’t have worked then and that is why I’ve worked so hard to get here today, so I could explain.”
“Explain,” Trent scoffs, “all you did was just drop a bomb on me hours before the most important mission of our lives. Now I also have a child to worry and think about.”
“I wanted to tell you after,” I plead, “but the anxiety is ripping me apart. We’re so close. This whole thing is so close to being over and I am panicking because what if something goes wrong?”
“Does Jay know?” Trent asks and I nod my head in admission.
“I told him when we first started working together. He needed to know how serious I was.”
“I can’t believe this,” he huffs out, hands running through his hair. “What happened?”
I swallow roughly, remembering all the details, the smallest tidbits of information I stored in my mind, waiting and hoping for this day to come. I knew I would run the chance that Trent may never listen to me. Right now, though, I have him to myself, on a rooftop, where I can finally spill the last of my secrets.
Then…
Scarlet
I glance down one more time at the white sick sitting on the dirty countertop of the hotel room, and see the two pink lines. A confirmation of my worst fear. My heart hammers in my chest and I feel like I can’t breathe. I can’t be pregnant. Worse, I can’t be pregnant with his child. I’ll never be allowed to keep it or even for the child to live if my father finds out. All I’ve ever known is him telling me that I was useless to him and that I should have been born a son. It was out of my own conviction that I rose to the top and made myself useful. All that would change, though, if I was pregnant. If my father found out I was pregnant with his enemy’s child. Trent would die or my father would find a different way to use this against him to get what he wants.
My head spins and I need to sit down. Curling up on the bed, I tuck my legs in and let myself cry. My emotions have been all over the place the past couple of weeks, all of which I attributed to having to leave Trent. If I hadn’t made a call to Evita on a new burner phone, I never would have put the pieces together.
After months of being cut off from her, I was finally able to get ahold of my cousin. I fill her in on what had transpired between myself and my father and what I was being forced to do. I warn her about Raz, even though she was already piecing that together on her own. She admits he hit her, and I see red.
“Get on a flight and fly to LA to meet me,” I tell her, managing to keep my voice calm, while all I feel is hot rage burning my chest.
“I don’t know if I can,” she mumbles back.
“You can,” I tell her, “tell your mom the deal ends tomorrow night and you’re meeting me for a celebratory drink. She’ll be fine with it.”
“Okay,” Evita sighs into the phone, “how are you holding up with everything?”
“I feel like shit,” I confide in her, “I feel terrible, Evie. I can’t sleep, my stomach is upset all the time, I can’t keep anything down. I just want it all to be over. I feel so guilty.”
“Oh honey,” she whispers in the phone, listening while I break down. “Um, Scarlet, have you looked into the symptoms you’ve been having?”
“No,” I mumble. “What do you mean?”
She sighs into the phone. “Girl, your symptoms sound like you’re pregnant. You and Trent were getting it on frequently, did you always use protection?”
I swallow at her words, my brain flipping through the memories. “Yes, except maybe a few times.” I vividly remember the night he told me he loved me and waking up the next morning realizing we forgot a condom. It happened again and I never thought more about it.
“No,” I rasp into the phone. “Oh my god, Evie, what do I do?”
“Go get a test or a few and then call me back,” she instructs, keeping her voice low so her mother or father won’t hear.
I ended up buying five different tests. All of which are different. Some use symbols and others words. One is early pregnancy and the others are meant for a missed period. I can’t even remember my last period right now. I roll to my side and snatch up the burner phone again. Evita answers on the third ring.
“Did you get it?”
“I got a few. Took one,” I tell her, my voice catching on another sob.
“Scarlet….”
“What do I do?” I cry into the phone. My whole world feels like it’s ending. Terror like I’ve never known grips my neck until I can’t breathe.“Your father will kill you,” she whispers.
“I know,” I cry harder, “If he finds out who the father is, we’re both dead. If by some miracle I am able to give birth, if it’s a boy, he’ll take him from me and raise him to take over. If it’s a girl, he might find that she’s useless to him and get rid of her. He’s a monster, Evie.”