God, what a jerk. How could I be so stupid? The one time I actually want a dick in my mouth and I end up with a whole lot of dick all right. A dick who got off and then ran like a dog with his tail tucked between his legs.
“Maybe he’s been busy.” She shrugs, trying to look positive. When I continue to glare at her, she gives up the pretense, her shoulders slumping. “Fine. He’s an asshole. Just like you always said. You had good reason to throw up all those walls. The minute he got what he wanted, he bailed.”
Ouch. Hearing my predicament spelled out so simply is painful. But Kelli’s right. Shep is a total dick. He got what he wanted and left me without a backward glance.
It’s been a week since I last saw Shep—an entire week. No calls, no texts, no nothing. Not even a glimpse of him on campus. It’s late April, final exams are coming, I’m working on a final project for my communications class that’s keeping me extra busy and we’re down to the wire. School will be over in May. I’ll head home pretty soon after that and won’t return until classes resume in August.
Meaning I most likely won’t see Shep again, if ever, which should thrill me right? The asshole ditched me. Just like that. As if I don’t matter.
But it hurts, damn it. I’m confused. Was I that awful? Did I do it wrong? I followed his exact instructions and he seemed to enjoy himself. I mean, my God, I made him come in freaking minutes. I let him come in my mouth and I never do that. I really got into it, but he left me in the dust. Like I don’t even exist.
If I wasn’t so pissed off, I might’ve cried over this.
We’re at the cafeteria, eating salads for lunch while I lament over my Shep problem. Again. It’s all I’ve talked about since it happened. The BJ Experience. Why I name all of my moments with Shep, I don’t know but it sort of makes it fun.
Again, it’s either laugh or cry over this mess. Take your pick.
“I hate him,” I tell Kelli. “Seriously. If he were to come up to me at this very moment I’d probably knee him in the balls and tell him to go to hell.”
Kelli’s nods sympathetically, her gaze lifting to a spot above my head. Her eyes widen and I see her visibly swallow. “Uh oh,” she murmurs.
Panic sweeps up my chest, settles in my throat. Oh my God, what if it’s Shep? Yes, I want to knee him in the balls but I also want to…throw my arms around him and ask him where it all went wrong. Damn it that makes me want to punch myself in the face for even thinking that.
“What’s wrong?” I ask her, ducking my head so my hair falls in front of my face, like I’m trying to hide.
“You’ll never believe who’s headed this way.” I watch from beneath the veil of my hair as she sits up straighter, her smile bright. “Dane! Hi.”
Oh no. I can only assume who’s with Kelli’s boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend.
Joel.
I lift my head to find Dane and Joel standing by our table, Dane bending down so he can drop a kiss on Kelli’s upturned lips. Joel watches me, his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans, his expression hopeful. “Hey Jade,” he murmurs.
“Hi.” I try and give him a smile but it feels more like a twist of my lips so I let it fall. “How are you?”
“I’m good. Glad the semester’s almost over.” He rocks back on his heels, a habit he has when he’s nervous. So I make him nervous. Great. “I uh, I’m glad you’re here.”
“Oh?” My voice goes high and I clear my throat, irritated with myself.
“Yeah. I wanted to apologize for how everything went down between us. It uh, didn’t end well and I’m sorry.”
Oh. Well, I didn’t expect that. Though I wasn’t very nice to him either. “It’s okay.” I shake my head, offer him a genuine smile this time. “We all just got—caught up in the moment I guess.”
“Yeah, that’s one way to describe it.” He blows out an irritated breath. “I was an asshole for letting Prescott bet on you though. Guy thinks he can do anything he wants and I let him.”
Just hearing his name makes me yearn for him. So freaking stupid. “He can be pretty persuasive. And really, he’s the asshole for coming up with the bet in the first place.”
“I guess. What really makes me mad is that I thought I was going to win. I figured it was a sure thing, what with the hand I had.” Joel shakes his head, his face etched with regret. It’s really kind of sweet of him, that he’s still so upset over what happened. Granted it was over two weeks ago and I’m the whore bag who forgot all about him in my hot pursuit of Shep, but I’m letting bygones be bygones.
I wave a hand, dismissing his words. “Let’s not rehash it, okay? What’s done is done.”
Joel glances toward Kelli and Dane, who are cuddled up together in their own little world. He indicates the empty chair beside me. “Can I sit?”
“Of course.” I watch as he settles his lanky body into the chair. He looks good. He’s cute, I always thought he was with his close cropped brown hair and his blue eyes. He’s tall—though Shep is taller—and leanly muscled. Guess he used to be on the swim team at his high school. He still looks like a boy though, while Shep is all man.
Ugh. I really, seriously need to stop comparing Joel to Shep.
“It’s just that…I can’t stop thinking about you, Jade,” Joel says the moment he pulls his chair close to mine. “I feel bad for how it ended between us. I hate that it ended.” He pauses, his gaze meeting mine, his expression deadly serious. “I miss you.”
I can’t even believe he’s saying this. I don’t know how to answer him either. Have I missed Joel? Not really. I’ve been too preoccupied by Shep. But if I’m being honest with myself, Joel is more my speed. He’s the type of guy I should be with. Shep is too much, while Joel is just right.
“I feel bad for how it ended too.” Now that’s the truth. I’d been a total bitch to him after it all went down, not giving him a chance to explain but I was so angry over the entire situation. Angry at Shep especially.
Now I’m even angrier with him and I have good reason to be.
“Listen.” Joel scoots his chair closer to mine, resting his arm on the edge of the table so he can lean into me. “There’s a party tomorrow night. I want you to go with me.”
I stiffen in my chair, my gaze automatically going to Kelli. Like she can feel me looking at her, she nods her encouragement when her gaze meets mine, and I know Dane has already told her Joel’s plan.
“What kind of party?” I ask carefully, praying he doesn’t say the gambling house or whatever the hell it’s called. The illegal casino Shep and his cousin and friend run out of that house. That’s the last place I want to go.
“It’s at a frat. One of our friends invited us. Dane and Kelli will be there. I figured we could all go together.” He smiles that cute little boy grin of his I used to find so appealing. I still sort of do. “Come on, J. Say you’ll go with me.”
I don’t want to give him the wrong idea. But why should I sit home miserable on a Friday night when Shep’s already forgotten about me? If he can push me right out of his life, I can do the same. “I’ll go with you,” I say, smiling when Joel hugs me. I pat him on the back, my gaze meeting Kelli’s once more. She offers me a thumbs up and I roll my eyes, noticing the way Dane’s watching me, like he’s just waiting for me to screw over his best friend again.