Joel springs away from me, his expression hard, his lips damp. “You’d rather have him than me,” he says accusingly, though he’s not asking, he’s stating it as fact. There’s no use denying my feelings. Though I’m not going to give them all up. Shep doesn’t deserve them.
“I don't want either of you.” Lifting my chin, I try my best for haughty, aloof ice queen and I think it’s working. At least Joel is falling for it. But then I catch sight of Shep, see the way he’s studying me with a mixture of disgust and arousal, his mouth grim, his jaw tight. He’s angry, most likely because Joel kissed me, but it couldn’t be helped.
In fact, I’m glad he saw that. Maybe he’ll realize that I am desirable, that I can find someone else. I don’t need Shep.
I don’t need any stupid guy.
Without another word I leave them all where they stand, pissed at Kelli for not trying to get me out of there sooner. Pissed at Joel for calling me out on my crap. Pissed the most at Shep for saying such sweet, sexy things and looking so damn good and sad and wonderful and sexy that I want to both punch him and kiss him, though I haven’t decided yet what I’d do first.
Most likely kiss him. I miss those stupid lips of his. I could get around to punching him later.
I shove through the crowds of people, angry that I left my cup of beer back at the stupid table next to where Kelli’s standing and I glance in the direction of the open kitchen, see that it’s incredibly packed with a ping pong table set up in the middle of the room, a bunch of people surrounding it playing beer pong.
Whatever. I’m so glad everyone can have a great time while my world is crumbling around me, thank you very much. I hate boys. They’re the worst. Either they make you feel like an incompetent loser, or they ignore you like you don’t even exist. Or even worse, for whatever reason you suddenly come back into existence in their pitiful little worlds and now they won’t leave you alone.
This is my life in a nutshell.
“Jade.”
I don’t bother turning around, though my stomach dips when I realize that it’s Shep calling me. “Leave me alone,” I toss over my shoulder, never slowing my pace. I should walk right out of this house and let the night swallow me up. Not like I’d do anything exciting. More like I’d stumble back to my dorm room on these stupid wedge heels, praying Shep wakes up with a massive headache and a case of herpes because he let some other dumb girl fuck him into oblivion.
God, my thoughts are so bitter, it’s pitiful.
“Jade, stop.”
I continue to ignore him, coming to a stop when I see a giant group of guys standing in front of the door leading out to the massive wrap around porch. A few of them pick up a smaller guy who’s wearing the fraternity T-shirt, holding him upside down as he struggles and begs them to put him down.
Yeah, I’m not getting past that crowd anytime soon. Deciding to deviate from my plan, I turn a sharp right and head up the stairs, hoping like crazy I can hide out for a bit until Shep disappears. He won’t be persistent. I don’t think he has a persistent bone in his body and how am I going to make him change?
I’m not. I need to face that.
The stairs seem incredibly steep and I’m practically out of breath when I reach the top, glancing around before I start down the hall. I throw open the first door on the left to find a guy and a girl writhing on the bed half naked. They’re so into each other, they don’t even notice me.
I don’t bother saying sorry as I quickly close the door.
It’s like this in practically every room I peer into. If they’re not having sex, they’re passing a joint and in one room, I found one of the Ems—I’m not sure which one—and I wave at her as she smiles and taps the side of her nose, the guy with her holding a mirror in front of her covered with tiny white lines.
Looks like someone is about to get a bump.
I still can’t believe I’d almost done one myself. I’m not one to cave in to peer pressure but I’d been so drunk, feeling so unsure…I can’t explain it. Since the moment I met Shep, I can’t explain my behavior.
The man makes me crazy. Makes me do crazy things. Makes me want even crazier things.
Giving up, I find an empty bathroom and shut the door, turning the lock and going to the sink, where I wash my hands, then splash cool water on my cheeks. It doesn't help. I’m still flushed, most likely from anger, but also from…arousal. I’d actually enjoyed that little encounter with Shep. Everything between us is always heightened. The colors brighter, the sounds louder, our words intense, the way I want him…overwhelming. Whenever we snip at each other, it usually turns me on.
What this says about me I’m not sure but I’m not going to question it at the moment.
The door handle turns this way and that, the actual door starting to move and I call out, “Occupied, give me a minute,” as I grab a towel and start drying my hands.
But the jerk on the other side of the door is persistent. The handle rattles again, harder this time and then the door swings open, leaving me standing there with my mouth hanging open, so thankful I wasn’t sitting on the toilet when this particular moment happened.
Especially when I see who’s standing in the doorway.
Shep.
Eighteen
Jade
I gape at him, pissed that he’d invade my privacy so easily, secretly thrilled that he was so dogged in his pursuit of…me.
“What are you doing?” I ask, my voice shrill, my emotions going haywire. On one side I’m pissed that he had the nerve to just bust in on me like this. On the other side, I’m thrilled he’s proven persistent after all.
Typically confused. That’s normal when it comes to my feelings for Shep.
“Looking for you,” he says simply as he strides into the bathroom and turns to lock the door, and then the deadbolt above it. “The lock in the handle doesn’t really work,” he explains as he turns to face me.
“Yeah, just realized that.” He would know this, considering it’s his frat house and all. How could I be so stupid, thinking I could escape him? He’s everywhere. “I don’t want to talk to you. And I definitely don’t want you locking us in here together.”
“We have to talk.” He leans against the door, looking freaking amazing. God, I hate him. It’s like he didn’t even try and he looks like pure sex. Wearing a charcoal colored T-shirt that stretches across his broad shoulders and chest, accompanied by dark rinse jeans that mold to his thighs, reminding me exactly how strong and thick they are.
Not that I need to remember. The sensation of his hairy thigh is forever imprinted on my palm, thank you very much.
“There’s nothing to talk about. Trust me, it’s over.” I back up a step, my knee nudging against the toilet seat and I step away, grossed out by the thought of all the male butts that have sat on that thing. “Go away.”
“I’m not some trained pet you can send away at your every command, Jade.” He takes a step closer, like he knows he has me cornered and knowing his asshole tendencies of late, I bet he does know this. Has he kept tabs on me? God, I hope not. I’m infinitely boring, especially by Shep standards.