“There’s no easy way to say this,” Astar said, his voice strained. “I don’t want to upset you, but you are a grown woman and should make your own choices. So, even though I know what your answer will be, I have to ask. Jak has requested permission to court you. Shall I tell him to leave you alone?”
Stella did her best to reveal no reaction. She might’ve chided Zeph for breaking a confidence, but she was truly grateful for the forewarning. As it was, her amused irritation with her twin’s foibles was ripening into annoyance, if not anger. “Why did Jak ask for your permission?”
He glanced at her in surprise, his cheeks ruddy from the sharp wind, blue eyes troubled. “Because, as I explained, Mother isn’t here and—”
Stella shook her head sharply. “Jak doesn’t need anyone’s permission. Not from our mother, and certainly not from my brother. I’m capable of saying no on my own.”
“I know you are.” Astar regarded her more intently, as if seeing someone he didn’t quite recognize. “I’m just trying to protect you from—”
“I don’t need a keeper, Willy.”
“I never said you do,” he protested.
“No, but you’re treating me that way. Like someone too fragile to leave unprotected.” Feeling the surge of unaccustomed defiance, she threw back the hood of her cloak, letting the chill wind seize the banner of her hair and whip it with snow. Using her sorcery, she warmed the air around her skin. She so rarely used her magic for herself. Mostly she used it only when someone else asked her to, and why was that?
“I don’t think you’re fragile,” Astar said through gritted teeth. “I know Mother has treated you that way—and I know how much it bothers you—and I’ve always stood up for you.”
That was true, but in her current fractious mood, she wasn’t ready to soothe his ruffled feelings yet. She’d never felt the influence of her First Form in the way other shapeshifters did. At least, the jaguar didn’t seem to infuse her personality and outlook as much as, for example, the grizzly bear influenced Astar or the gríobhth did Zeph. She’d always put that down to being a sorceress and empath, first and foremost. Today, however, the big cat prowled through her heart, hungry for more than she’d given it. Fierce, even.
“It’s just that I know something happened between you and Jak in the carriage yesterday,” Astar finally said when she still hadn’t replied to him.
“Something?” she echoed, raising a cool brow.
“Something sexual,” he ground out.
“How could you possibly know that?” she persisted.
“Rhyian told me he smelled it on you two.”
“Ah.” She nodded sagely. “How surprising that Rhy might want to make trouble for Jak in that arena. Sounds like you played right into his hands.”
“That’s not important right now,” Astar said after a slight pause, and she could tell she’d given him cause to consider. “What matters is you admit that something did happen.”
“I don’t have to admit or deny anything. It’s my personal business.”
“You are my sister,” Astar growled, the bear close to the surface. “If Jak foisted himself on you, then—”
She raised a hand, stopping him. “Jak is your friend,” she said softly. “He’s arguably your closest companion who isn’t family. Are you really wanting to accuse someone who’s been a loyal friend all our lives of something terrible like that?”
“I don’t know what to think,” he bit out.
“Then don’t, because this doesn’t have anything to do with you.”
Astar flushed, face even redder against the golden hair lashing his cheeks. “I don’t understand why you’re being so difficult.”
“Because you are being invasive about my private life. Did I interrogate you about Zeph’s seduction attempts?”
“That’s different.”
“How?” She asked it sharply, cold as the winter winds.
“Because I knew how to handle Zephyr,” he shot back.
She laughed in his face. “Oh, sweet Willy. That is so not true.”
He started to retort, then grimaced instead and raked his hand through his snarling hair. “Yeah. I’ll concede that point. The real difference is that… it’s just that I know you’re not interested in… sex, and stuff like that.”
“Why do you think that?” She was rather enjoying herself, though she did feel compassion for Astar in his earnest discomfort. Not enough not to let him twist in the wind a bit longer, though.
Astar was gaping at her. “Because…” He waved a hand in the air. “You’re above all that.”
“Sex? Romance? Human interaction?” Abruptly, she was furious with him. “Tell me, brother of mine, what do you envision for my life, now that you’ll be marrying Zeph? She’ll be your wife, your hostess, eventually your queen. Where does that leave me?”
He looked like she’d hit him over the head with a bucket of ice water. “I… I hadn’t thought that far.”
“No, I know you hadn’t.” Just as suddenly as it had erupted, her anger faded, and she was sorry to have said anything. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t, having some tragically romantic idea of gracefully erasing herself from their lives. “And you shouldn’t have to. It’s not your responsibility to plan my life.”
“You can live with us at Ordnung,” he said, taking her hands. “You always have a place there.”
“I hate Ordnung,” she said gently. “I only ever stayed there for you. And now you won’t need me anymore.”
“I’ll always need you, Nilly.”
He sounded so upset that she patted his cheek. “But not in the same way, and that’s as it should be. We’re not kids any longer. It’s natural for us to grow up and go our separate ways.”
“So you’re going to hand yourself over to Jak?” He sounded bewildered enough that she leashed her temper. Who knew she’d had one that needed leashing?
“Why do you say it that way?” she snapped, stepping away from him and feeling her claws pricking in defense of their friend.
“Because Jak is…” Astar didn’t finish that sentence, which was probably wise. “He’s Jak.”
She laughed, rolling her eyes, a burst of affection in her heart for the rogue. “Yes. He certainly is. The point is, however, that you’re not being asked to sign over my ownership papers like I’m some sort of Dasnarian bride. I don’t know if Jak and I have much in common when it comes down to it, but I’d… I would like to see what happens.” The sense of freedom, of fierce adventure, was as exhilarating as the snowflakes whipping her cheeks. “You may tell Jak that his courtship is welcome.”
“So gracious of you,” Astar muttered, then slid her a wry grin. “And if that was payback for the permission thing, it was well played.”
“You were the one to put yourself in the middle of this, Your Highness,” she replied sweetly. “It’s only fair that you have to tell Jak how wrong you were.”