And yet he’d ended it. Why had he changed so quickly? My heart and the desire he’d stroked fell like a lead weight to the floor. What had just gone so wrong?
“Earth to Lilly.”
The now familiar thump of Angie’s book bag hit the table.
“What?”
She sat down and scooted in, sliding her lunch on the table and shoving her book bag to the side. “You’ve been spacey all day. I don’t even think you noticed I was behind you in history.”
She was right. It was two days, and I was still daydreaming of Hudson and his lips and that firm grip of his hands, tangled in my air. How warm and firm his body had been.
How I hadn’t seen him since.
“Sorry.” I shook my head. “Weird weekend.”
“Ahh…. you had the date with your hottie neighbor. I take it that it went well.”
It was incredible. The perfect weekend outside of Judith telling me not to return to work. And then… it’d just ended… and I still didn’t know what to make of it.
“Friday night was great,” I said. I tapped my fingers to the table. Still worried. Still thinking. Still trying to figure out why everything changed so quickly. Maybe I’d been too emotional for him. Maybe he thought he took advantage of me? But I was the one who kissed him… maybe I was reading too much into his reaction after the kiss. Or the fact I hadn’t heard from him since.
That wasn’t unusual. When I first moved in, he gave me space. Maybe he was doing the same. Taking things slow.
“It was Sunday when things went weird,” I finally finished, fully aware of Angie’s impatience bubbling from across the table.
Angie flipped her braids behind her shoulders and plopped her elbow on the table, chin to her fisted hand. “Weird? Explain.”
“It’s probably nothing. I’m twisting something. Or imagining it, but we kissed and then… everything went weird.”
“You kissed!?” She squealed, slapped her hands to the table. Immediately my gaze darted around the luncheon but for once, it didn’t seem as if anyone was paying a bit of attention.
Huh.
“You didn’t tell me that!”
“Quiet down,” I hissed. If people weren’t staring at me, I didn’t want to give them reason to.
“But you didn’t tell me you kissed.”
“Well, I’m telling you now.”
“And?”
“And what?”
Her eyes almost bulged out of her sockets. “How was it?”
I licked my lips. There were no words. Good. Great. Fantastic. Incredible. All paled to the lingering effects it left in my memory and the tops of my thighs.
“Out of this world,” I admitted. Before she could squeal again, I tried to change the subject. “I go to work there tomorrow, at his company.”
“He got you a job, too?” Her brows slowly rose on her forehead. “Wow… that’s awesome.”
I rolled my eyes. “I wouldn’t go that far, but yeah, it’s a good opportunity.”
“That’s great, Lilly. You deserve great things to happen to you.”
“Thanks.” My cheeks warmed. Compliments were still awkward. “Are you doing anything tonight?”
“No, and don’t think you’re getting off easily changing the subject about the kiss, either, although I see what you’re trying to do.”
“Caught me.” I tossed my hands in the air, palms up and chuckled. “Want to come over later and help me pick an outfit for tomorrow?”
“Will you tell me more about the kiss?”
“Will you stop asking if I don’t?”
She flashed me a look that said all I needed to know.
“Fine. I accept your terms.”
“Deal. Now eat up so we’re not late for the fun world of accounting.”
I really liked this girl, but she needed a new idea of fun. Immediately.
“It sounds like you’re getting settled then,” Ellen said, through the phone.
I forgot I hadn’t called her about the new job or told her about Judith’s letting me go after the weekend. Luckily, I remembered to call her before she heard from Judith.
I scanned the clothes I laid out on my couch. Angie would be here any moment to help pick out outfits. I probably could have figured it out myself, but Angie was fun to be around. And since I was trying not to live without regret anymore, I figured it’d be good to spend more time with someone who was so quickly becoming a friend.
“I’m excited for the opportunity.”
“I think it’ll be good for you. Have you looked into their tuition reimbursement?”
“No.” Although I’d definitely been thinking about it. Getting reimbursed to complete a bachelor’s degree after I finished at the community college?
Truthfully, given the costs and financial aid I’d need after the free tuition stopped once I got my two-year degree, I hadn’t considered a four-year degree a possibility. Working for Valor would open doors I’d long since locked and sealed shut.
Yet I still wasn’t sure what to do with it all. If I could stay there full time after spring, I didn’t need to finish college. Valor would provide me with everything I’d wanted since my release—decent job and the means to live comfortably in a small, one-bedroom apartment. It was almost too overwhelming to begin to dream for more.
“One step at a time, I think,” I told her. “But you’re good with this? The job?”
“My job is to ensure you follow the rules, Lilly, and since the day we met you’ve done nothing but that. So yes, I trust you’re making good choices that will help move you forward in life. I would like to have dinner with you again soon, though. Catching up in person is always better, isn’t it?”
It was. Dinners with Ellen used to be the only time I spent with another person.
Now I had Angie. And Hudson. And his entire family.
Somehow I’d gone from having no social life outside my therapist and parole officer, and now I was filling my calendar with all sorts of things.
I shook my head at the wonder of it all.
“Dinner would be great. Give me a couple weeks to get settled in the job so I actually have something to talk to you about?”
“Sounds good. Text me when you know more. And don’t forget about your meeting tomorrow night.”
“I won’t.” It wasn’t uncommon for her to remind me, but it still deflated my mood. Another night at AA. Another night going to meetings that were court-ordered but totally unnecessary. Fortunately, Ellen also allowed me to switch back and forth between AA and Al-Anon, and that was one that made more sense for me. It helped me understand Josh’s choices, even if that understanding came years too late. It helped me understand the depths other family members sunk to protect their addicted siblings and children and parents.
“Good. Then we’ll speak soon. And good luck tomorrow, although I don’t believe for a minute you need it. You’re a smart girl, Lilly, always have been. You can do this.”
Something lodged in my throat. It was so rare she gave compliments like this. And the last time we spoke had been underwhelming. Before I could thank her, or reassure her I wouldn’t let her down, she said goodbye and ended the call.