“And so he threw you to the wolves.”
“Hired the attorney for me and forced me to plead guilty. Said I’d still probably get a slap on the wrist.”
“He lied.”
“I know. I wasn’t driving that night. I didn’t… I called Josh and I should have known he’d be partying. It was the weekend and he always was, but I didn’t think.”
“You were scared and you leaned on the one person who was always there for you, Lilly. That’s all you did. You went to who you trusted.”
“And now he’s dead. And I’m still alone.”
I lost my hold again, sobbed and cried until my bones ached and I had no tears left.
Only then did I fall asleep, with Hudson’s arms wrapped around me, his hands cupping my head and holding me to him.
“Oh, God.” I groaned and peeled my eyes open. They were stuck together. I might as well have rubbed them with sandpaper and then doused them with bleach for as much as they burned.
Memories of the night before returned to me, flickered in pieces and then scrolled like a nightmare.
Oh God. I’d told Hudson everything. And he’d held me. I’d fallen asleep right before the movie ended in my memory banks and the last thing I remembered was him kissing the top of my head, telling me it was okay to cry. I vaguely recollected Hudson waking me at some point. He’d carried me to my room, handed me a shirt and then kissed the top of my head in such a tender way I’d fallen against him, hugged him until he told me to change.
I rolled, searched for the alarm I kept on the other side of my bed so I couldn’t hit snooze easily and rolled right into the man who comforted me.
Hudson.
He stayed. Despite the burn in my eyes, a grin broke out on my face as I took him in. In my bed. The sheets were shoved down, giving me a view of the curves of his chest, the delineation between his abs. He had one hand shoved under the pillow, arm cocked toward me.
His eyes flickered and then opened. Lips turned into a smile. “You’re awake. How do you feel?”
“Like crap,” I admitted. My throat was rubbed raw. My chest hurt. I wouldn’t be surprised if I bruised ribs from the force of my sobs. But also… “I feel better too, though. Thanks for listening.”
He rolled to his side and tucked me into him, draping an arm over my waist and my head to his throat. “Anytime. I get the sense you needed to unload that.” He kissed the top of my head like he did last night while I cried and a warm, pleasant shiver of comfort rolled down my body.
“Thank you. For everything.”
He hummed in response and held me tight.
I stretched against him and groaned. The clock behind him said it was six-thirty. My first class was at eight. “I need to get moving. Get ready for school.”
“You should stay home and rest.”
“No. The last thing I want to do today is be alone with memories.”
“You’re not alone. Not anymore.”
I was beginning to realize that. The rest would take time.
“Come on.” Hudson groaned and rolled and lifted us in a move so liquid and quick, I was sitting on the edge of the bed, him next to me, before I could blink. “Let me at least get your coffee ready while you shower then.”
“Are you telling me I stink?”
“No. I’m saying you’ll feel better once you’re clean and refreshed.” He bumped his shoulder into mine. All of him was droolworthy. Firm and toned, but not overly so. He had a smattering of hair over his chest that ran down the center of his stomach, thickening right before it disappeared beneath the sheet. The photos of him I’d seen on the internet in swimsuits were nothing compared to the reality in front of me.
“You’re killing me with the way you’re looking at me right now,” he said.
My cheeks burned crimson and I glanced up at him. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. And while I would love to know what you’re thinking with that sexy little look on your face, today isn’t the day for that, not after last night, so get moving before I stop being a gentleman.”
Hmmm. Hudson not being a gentleman. I tried to picture it in my mind.
He laughed and placed his hand at my lower back, shoving me off the bed until I had no choice to stand. “Go. Shower. We’ll discuss that look at a different, better time, too.”
He didn’t say the words, but he made it sound like a promise. Hudson was a man who would keep them.
And he gave that. To me. After everything I gave him last night—all my shame, all my ugly, dirty secrets, he still seemed to want me.
I had done a lot wrong in my life. Made a lot of selfish, childish choices and paid the consequences for them.
But I wasn’t sure what I’d done so right to deserve a guy like him.
Perhaps David had been right after all—what happened to me was tragic and I’d already paid the consequences of those choices. Perhaps I’d been punished enough.
Maybe now it really was time to move forward, to make something of myself and begin moving past them. If I could do that with men like the Valentines in my life, so much the better.
29
Hudson
“Good morning.”
At my dad’s greeting, I didn’t move from my stance at the windows. In the reflection, my dad held a coffee mug in one hand. He brought it to his mouth and took a drink.
“Is it?”
There was a whisper of the threat of snowfall later in the week, but today the sun was shining, the sky cloudless. I wish it were storming.
It’d fit my mood.
It’d been a week since Lilly fell asleep in my arms, sobbing to the memories that haunted her, giving them to me. I wanted her with me all the time. Giving herself to me in all the ways I could have her, and still, I knew it wouldn’t be enough.
We ate dinners together. She came to me when she was done studying for the night while we watched TV. I told her about playing baseball in college. We laughed about favorite toys we remembered getting for holidays. She told me more about Josh, about his alcohol and drug problems, how many times he’d been in trouble before. Cars he crashed.
A truck he once tried to park in the garage without raising the garage door first.
I gave her all I had, only holding back my body and not taking hers when we kissed. I couldn’t do that to her, not with this between us but even I could tell she was growing confused. Especially because I’d never brought up staying with her again.
And God—the sounds she made when we kissed or when I slid my hand beneath her shirt for a hint at skin-to-skin contact.
My self-control was hanging on by a thread, and it was the man in front of me who could help me.
“What’s going on?”
Dad stepped into my office and closed the door.
Once the click ensured we have privacy, I spun, putting my back to the joyful-looking view.
“You need to tell her.”
We both knew who I meant. Another family dinner. Another night filled with lies. Another night hiding pictures of some of the people we loved the most. All to what…?
Break Lilly’s heart and destroy her trust in all of us by the time she learned everything?
“I will.”