“I can’t keep doing this, Dad.”
He set his coffee mug on my conference table and drew his finger over the rim. “I need more time.”
Anger pulsed, hot and heavy through my blood, making my shirt feel too tight and strangling me at the collar.
“I’m falling in love with a woman who I’m lying to. That doesn’t make me feel like the man I want to be. Or the one you raised.”
I loved her. I loved her before I ever met her. How it was possible to fall in love with photographs and second-hand stories I wasn’t sure of, but it happened. It wasn’t only Lilly’s heart on the line. It was mine. I wanted to give her the world, everything she hadn’t had and everything she didn’t know she could possibly dream of. Yet the end was barreling down. The grumble of the train tracks signaling its arrival vibrated beneath my feet every time I was with her.
I wanted to kiss her without guilt, take her in my arms, and someday to my bed without secrets.
I wanted it all with Lilly, and I wanted to give it all back to her.
“You love her?” His voice lifted in surprise. His widening eyes matched.
“You heard me.” I sighed and dropped my face into my hands, scrubbing my hands through my hair.
“Give me the holidays. Please, Hudson,” he pleaded as I opened my mouth to argue.
Thanksgiving was two weeks away. “That’s too long.”
He looked at me then with tired eyes I hadn’t noticed at first and a sober expression he rarely wore. “Let me give her this one thing. One good holiday season where she can see how beautiful life can be.”
“Every day this continues is a day it risks blowing up in our faces.”
In my face. It was me she’d end up hating. After all the nights I spent listening to her tell me about her life, she’d soon realize what a complete and utter jackass I was.
“I know, but I have no doubt you’d be able to heal her afterward, too… if you truly love her.”
Goddamn him. “Promise me. As soon as the holidays are done, you’ll tell her.” I gritted my teeth so hard it’s a wonder they didn’t snap.
“I promise. After Christmas, I’ll explain everything.” He yawned and picked up his mug, taking a drink.
Unless you counted the existence of Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, my parents never lied to us. I could trust his promise, even if I despised the timing.
“Okay then.”
“Now, if you’re done looking at me like you want to punch me in the face, I’d like to discuss the New Year Benefit.”
Business, I could talk about.
“Hit me with it. What’s your plan?”
A beautiful sight came to my door an hour before quitting time.
Lilly, dressed in a new dress I knew she purchased from a shopping day with her friend, Angie, from school. They went to the mall over the weekend.
Her dress, gray with white angled stripes, was conservative but still showed her beautiful curves. It tightened at her waist and clung to her thighs, ending just below her knees. It was professional, modest, and I wanted to do nothing else besides tear it off her to find out what she wore beneath. Her blonde hair was curled, bounced at her breasts when she walked. Long gone were the nights of the heavy makeup she wore at Judith’s like a shield. Now it was all soft and natural-looking, allowing me to see the freckles across the bridge of her nose.
She was even more elegant now that she wore clothes that fit her but even without them her beauty was unmistakable. After only a week of working, becoming closer with Brandon and Sandra, she was blossoming. Becoming confident, letting her personality shine through.
And all of that made her more beautiful than her outward covering, despite how well they showed off her exceptional figure.
I cleared my throat. “Hey, what brings you here?”
“Brandon asked me to bring these files up to you. He said they’re for the winter gala?”
“Ah. Yes. Come in.” I was already moving, rounding my desk when she met me, files between us like a buffer.
“Has Brandon mentioned this to you?”
“No.” She shook her head. “I hadn’t heard a thing about it.”
I grinned and slid the folder from her fingers. She wore a soft look when we were alone in the office, making not kissing her a difficult task.
“We host it in January. It’s a night of dinner and dancing with a silent auction where we raise money for homeless shelters. Then we provide them with everything they need before the worst of winter hits.”
“Oh.” She wrinkled her nose in a way she didn’t approve.
“What? And don’t say nothing,” I said when she started shaking her head. “What don’t you like about that?”
“It’s a good cause.”
“But?”
She laughed, with a throaty, frustrated, and absolutely adorable chuckle. “You’re pushy today.”
Probably because being around her was giving me a massive case of never-ending blue balls.
“Just tell me.”
“I just never understood why people with lots of money to give have to get dressed up and spend thousands on dinners and wardrobes when they could give that money instead.”
I agreed with her, but playing the game brought us more money.
“Because they like to feel important and when they’re all in one room, they become competitive. Their egos won’t allow them to be the smallest contributor. And I agree with you, but this will give shelters millions spread throughout the nearest four counties. Last year we were able to fund an expansion project as well on the south side.”
“Oh.” She blushed as she shrugged. “I suppose that’s worth it then.”
“It is. Are you almost done for the day?”
“Almost. I have to go do a few more things for Sandra before I leave.”
“Let me take you to dinner again?”
She grinned, easy and wide. It wasn’t the first time since last week that it seemed her smiles came quicker, bigger. “I’d love that.”
“Good. Now get out of here before I kiss you and have Brandon know exactly what we were doing when you return to your desk with smeared makeup.”
I was rarely this bold with her. That was the thread unraveling on that tether, but sometimes, like now, I liked the way her mouth formed an O in surprise and her already round eyes went even larger.
Teasing her turned me on.
“Well.” She brushed her hands nervously down her dress and bit her bottom lip. “We wouldn’t want that, would we?”
“I wouldn’t mind…” I let that linger. I didn’t care if everyone in the office knew we were together, because we were, even if we hadn’t had that discussion yet. But Lilly had made a mention of not wanting people to know so I was trying to give that to her.
She already had enough problems with getting the job because she needed help, I figured she didn’t want people to think she got it because she was sleeping with the boss.
Which, after last week, she now was. At least, I was hoping I’d get to wake up again with her in my arms.
The conversation with my dad earlier still settled like a lead balloon in my stomach.
“Are you okay?” she asked, and I relaxed my tightened features.