I spent the night alternating between staring at the ceiling, checking my phone, and sleeping in fitful, disappointing bursts. There was a pinch in my chest every time I opened the messaging app and found nothing new from Jasper. I was capable of texting her, though that seemed like the wrong course of action. She was clear about what she wanted and I had no business standing in her way.
I couldn't offer her much, but more than that, she'd have to give up everything she thought she wanted to stay here with me. And I knew it made me the exact mansplainer dickhead she accused me of being by suggesting she didn't actually want any of the things she went after, but it was the truth.
She didn't want that job out in California, she wanted the redemption it represented.
She didn't want to work on another campaign—or whatever the hell it was—she wanted to be sought-after.
She didn't want to devote her entire existence to another politician, she wanted a place and a family and—
Well, that didn't matter.
None of it mattered.
That morning, I was up and out before my parents. My appointment in nearby Dartmouth wasn't until the afternoon but I kept myself busy checking on trees at two South Coast area golf courses until then. I went a little overboard with my note-taking (completely illegible nonsense) and scaled a few more trees than the conditions called for (none of them needed a moment's attention) but I couldn't obsess over Jasper and her decisions while twenty feet off the ground and holding on with one hand and a toehold.
I obsessed enough with both feet on the ground.
When it came to trees I'd never examined before, I liked to sit with them for a time. It helped me understand how they'd grown and the ways in which the wind moved through them. Usually, I had no trouble focusing on this task. Being among trees was the most natural thing in the world to me and it didn't require any deep level of awareness but today, dammit, today I could not see anything but Jasper.
Every time we went into the woods together flashed before me like a memory book. Every time I backed her up against a tree. Every time she looked at me with those round, vulnerable eyes and told the truth about things that scared her. Every time I swore she'd figure it all out.
And she did. She figured it out. She figured herself right out of my life.
I managed to get through the consultation despite my complete inability to function, and got the hell out of Dartmouth. I returned to my parents' house because Jasper might be at home or she might be gone, and neither option was acceptable. If push came to shove, I could avoid my house for a full month.
I stopped short when I entered the kitchen and found my sister seated at the table, her feet propped on the opposite chair, her laptop and notebook spread out in front of her. "What are you doing here?" I asked.
"What are you?" she shot back.
I hooked a thumb over my shoulder. "I had work in Dartmouth."
She placed both hands on her belly. "Rob had a last minute thing in New York and since I require full-time supervision, Mom picked me up this morning." With a shrug, she added, "She ran out to the grocery store because I told her I need organic baby carrots."
"Are you that much of a pain in the ass or did you need a break?"
"Yes."
We shared a laugh and that was probably the first time I'd managed more than a scowl in twenty-four hours. It felt…strange.
I dropped into the chair beside her feet. "How are you not losing your mind with everyone hovering over you?"
"Oh, I've already lost it. I lost it back when the ultrasound tech said 'and we have a second heartbeat here.' It's been a downward spiral of wild and wacky times since then."
"And you're just going along with it? With Mom taking custody of you because your husband is away for the night?"
She gestured to her belly. "Do I want someone babysitting me? No. Of course not, Lin. But I have five more days until it's time to evict these boys and I have a serious suspicion they'll beat that timeline. I need someone around if for no other reason than to get me carrots when I feel like them. I'm not working this week because—"
"Excuse me." I tapped the lid of her laptop. "What does this look like to you?"
She rolled her eyes. "Okay, yes, it's work but I'm not in the office and all of my calls are being forwarded. I even put my email on out-of-office too."
"That's so brave of you."
Another eyeroll. "I need Mom hovering right now. I'm not interested in driving myself to the hospital any more than I'm interested in a home birth." She shifted in her seat, gave a wince, and held up a hand as if warning off the concern I was about to express. "It's all good. Just my bones feeling like they're all in the wrong places."
"That sounds terrible."
"It really is but I have high hopes they'll go back where they belong after the twins are born." She nodded emphatically and I couldn't help but smile in response. "Since I have you here, I just want to say it's okay if you don't want to work with me. No, please let me finish before you tell me your thoughts on this. Lin, I'm giving you permission to say no and step away. It's okay. I'm not interested in this partnership if you aren't. Why would I want to force you into something like this? I wouldn't. I don't. That wouldn't be fair to either of us. So, if you want to put this behind us and never speak of it again, just say it because I want to move that item off my project board before I go into labor."
I almost did. I almost told Magnolia I didn't want to do this because partnerships and working relationships with legal backbones were not my style. More than either of those issues, I didn't care for commitments.
But that wasn't true, not in any authentic sense. I wanted the right commitments, the ones that belonged to me because I made them and cherished them.
"I would like to move forward with your proposal," I said, the words sounding as unsteady as I felt.
She blinked. "Wait. Dude. Are you serious? Or are you saying you want to move forward with my proposal to never speak of this again?"
I bobbed my head as a rusty grin stretched across my face. "I want to work with you. It just took me some time to think it through."
She blew out a breath as she rubbed her belly. "Was not expecting that."
"Me neither."
With a laugh, Magnolia said, "You do realize, it's going to take you a decade to ask Jasper to marry you."
Whatever relief I felt from finally making that decision died at the mention of Jasper.
And marrying her.
Fuck. Just…fuuuuuuck.
"Oh." Magnolia frowned and it was clear she knew what happened. Maybe not the texture and dimension but enough of the shape to understand. Sometimes it helped to have a triplet who could read your mind. "I'm sorry, Lin. I didn't know."
"No one does," I said with the acrid energy of someone who'd replayed a conversation so many times the words no longer sounded real or made sense. "Happened the other night."
"Do you want to tell me what happened? I won't say anything. I'll just sit here and munch on antacids."
"Not really." I said this and I meant it but then I continued, "She got a job offer. Or an interview offer. I don't know. Whatever it is, they want her to move to California and take over a big project."