I stifle a chuckle, liking how she’s all flustered from that kiss. I manage to hold a straight face, though only barely, while pulling out of the parking lot.
She gets on the phone and fills Susanna in on her grandfather, telling her she will have to cancel ‘Susanna Sunday’ and then it turns into quite the cryptic conversation. I know Susanna is asking all sorts of questions – about me – and Violet’s doing a bad job of being blasé about it while also trying to communicate that I’m in the car with her. She then drags the conversation out until the last possible minute with small talk when I’m next at the drive-thru window.
“Baby,” I say, grabbing her knee. “Need to know what you wanna eat.”
“I gotta go, Suse. Call you tomorrow…will do… you too. Love you, bye.” She ends the call and looks at the screen off to the side. “I’m starving. I want everything.”
I laugh, giving her knee another squeeze and then I order a double cheeseburger and fries. She orders the same with a chocolate milkshake and a side of chicken tenders. I add a milkshake to my order. And then I pay before we pull over and wait.
Once I’m parked, she’s reaching into her wallet and trying to hand me a twenty.
“Put that away right now,” I growl.
She winces and stuffs it into the bag.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
I shake my head.
She immediately pulls out her phone and busies herself scrolling through texts. I know she’s trying to do this in an effort to disguise how flipped out she is, and to avoid me jumping her bones, which I’m close to doing.
Instead, I check my own phone and see a text message from Wes, telling me Iadanza spent three hours in that old lady’s apartment this afternoon and went to the local bar tonight. He’s still at the bar, watching a hockey game and drinking shots. I acknowledge the text with a thumb emoji and then check my emails on my phone.
“This thing tomorrow; I’ll just make an excuse about you not being able to make it and-”
“Why? You don’t want me to go?”
She’s still staring at her phone. She opens her mouth and seems to struggle to find words. “My family thinks you’re my new… um… you know, my new man.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“I…” She looks like she’s having a brain-to-mouth malfunction.
“I’ll come. Hang out. Help them trim the tree. Rake leaves. Whatever. Eat what sounds like a nice dinner. What’s the harm?”
Her eyes meet mine and they’re full of fear. “They think we’re…”
“I heard.”
She shakes her head. “Killian… that kiss. Um… and last night, I…”
I lean over and cup her jaw. She looks freaked. She is freaked.
But I also know she couldn’t get enough of my mouth outside that hospital.
The way she reacted to that kiss, the way she kissed me back, clenched my clothes, and whimpered into my mouth isn’t the reaction of someone who doesn’t want me.
“Relax, Violet. I’m not gonna bite. Not unless you want me to.”
Her eyes widen.
I smile wide.
And we’re eye-locked. I move forward, about to become lip-locked with her, but that’s when there’s a knock on the window. The food. She looks relieved.
I turn and open the window and accept the bag and tray of milkshakes. I set the tray between us and she takes the bag from my hand and holds it in her lap. She stares straight ahead, gnawing on her lower lip the rest of the ride home.
I smirk all the way there, knowing that when I get her inside, I’ll be the one with that lip between my teeth again.
She’s terrified, but I’ll take care of that.
37
Violet
I’m terrified of being alone with him in that apartment. I’m afraid of him kissing me again. I’m afraid that if he does, all will be lost. I will be a puddle of Violet-goo, and then I’ll let him do whatever he wants to me.
What would he do to me? If that kiss was any indication of his skills…
No. Don’t think about that, Violet. You’re not ready for that.
I know I’m not ready for this. Not at all.
But that kiss was… it was incredible.
I felt absolutely, completely owned in every sense of the word by him. The way he kissed me. How he held my face. How he nipped my bottom lip playfully and the way he tasted. God, he tasted good.
I couldn’t get enough. I was lost. Completely lost. Making out against the wall of the hospital where my grandfather is! Like a wanton hussy.
And then when he backed up and looked into my eyes with those bright emerald eyes of his? And then he licked his lips like he was savoring the taste of me.
I’m in so much trouble.
It’s too soon for this. Way too soon.
It was beyond sweet that he stayed all day, that he was trying to be there for me, and I couldn’t quite wrap my brain around why he wanted to do it when my family would think he’s my new boyfriend. It’s like he wants them to think that.
And why he kissed me the instant we were outside the hospital like he wouldn’t be able to wait one more minute to do it.
I am still reeling.
Grampa is so stubborn. When Grandma died, he didn’t want to sell the house and move in with anyone. He didn’t want anybody to move in with him. Didn’t want to move into a senior’s building where he didn’t have so much upkeep. He insisted on continuing to cut his own lawn, shovel his own snow, and live in his big two storey three-bedroom house. I’m surprised it was my brother on that roof and not him, and if it were him – God, he could’ve fallen.
Ray didn’t like how Grampa talked to him, how Grampa rolled his eyes or scoffed whenever Ray talked, so he never wanted to go over there. My grandfather didn’t really like any boyfriends me or my cousin Colly brought around. The same with my other cousin, Sheila, who’s now married and living in Alaska. No one was good enough for his granddaughters. Not even Sheila’s guy who is a mountain man, all-man, good to her, respectful to all of us, and just … solid. Grampa still gave him side-eye whenever they visited.
Ray got bitchy about me going over without him and never wanted to go with me, so, I really didn’t. I hadn’t seen my grandfather for almost two months before today, and the way his grouchiness melted at seeing me when I went into his room today? I have to be more present for him. For my whole family.
And now it’s getting to that point… that point where he needs help. When I think about the fact that I could’ve lost him today? When I think about that it hits how unpredictable, how short life is.
I can’t stop beating myself up for going so long without seeing my grandfather. This is my wakeup call.
Does that mean I should go for it and see what happens here with Killian because life is so short and unpredictable?
Or am I again letting a hot guy cloud my judgement, which will hurt my family and ultimately me.
Everything inside me is telling me to wait before I leap into anything resembling a relationship. And maybe that’s because Killian is too perfect – I’d hate to screw it up by having him be a rebound.
I hear Debbie’s voice in my head telling me to get back on the horse with someone who is hung like a horse, who knows what he’s doing, who gets 5-star reviews for what he knows how to do.