“I’ve never told you this. I’ve never told anyone except my husband.” He could tell she was about to share another secret with him, like the ones about the son she had lost, or the books she had written. They had an odd friendship that he wanted to grow, but she never seemed ready for that and now seemed totally discombobulated and confused. She hadn’t even combed her hair yet that morning, which wasn’t like her. She was always neat as a pin, with her long dark hair pulled tightly back, or piled on her head in the heat. Now it hung down her back in a tangled mass.
“I had a baby when I was sixteen,” she blurted out and startled him. “A little girl. My parents sent me to Ireland to have her and made me give her up for adoption. All the records were destroyed later, I’ve wanted to find her for years and never could. My sister just did. She found her in L.A. She’s married, a social worker, and has two children. She wants to meet me and I’m scared to death. She has every reason to hate me for giving her up.” He looked down at the woman he had admired from a distance for four years, and had no idea what to say about the enormous piece of information she had just shared with him. He did the only thing he could think of, he put his arms around her and held her. He could feel her shaking against him, and he kissed her, as much to calm his own nerves as hers.
Her eyes opened wide when he did, and for a minute, he was afraid she would hit him, or push him away, but instead she melted in his arms and kissed him back, which he hadn’t expected. The whole world had suddenly gone topsy-turvy, for both of them. She had lived in self-imposed isolation for more than four years, having lost two children and a husband, having given up everything, with no one in her life, not even the sister she had avoided for six years. And now suddenly everything in Melissa’s life had changed. Her sister was back, she had a daughter, and a man in her arms. She didn’t know how to react, and burst into tears as Norm held her. She clung to him as wracking sobs shook her, and the tears rolled down her cheeks. Like it or not, she was back in the human race, alive again, and scared to death. It was wonderful and terrifying all at the same time, like a roller coaster. She didn’t know whether to laugh or scream.
* * *
—
Hattie called Michaela in California on Sunday night when she got back to the convent. It was late afternoon in L.A. She told her how the announcement had gone with Melissa, and how excited she was about meeting her daughter for the first time, and scared too. She wanted Hattie to set it up, and they agreed on New York in two weeks. David had a meeting there, and the kids had a long weekend from school. By the end of the conversation, it was all arranged. Hattie called Melissa to tell her, but she didn’t answer. She was so exhausted by the emotions of the weekend after Hattie told her about Michaela, that she was sprawled on her bed, fully dressed, with the lights on, sound asleep.
Chapter 9
Norm decided to do things right, after what had happened between him and Melissa the day before, when he kissed her. He didn’t want it to be a onetime occurrence, or for her to see it as a moment of madness, never to be repeated. He could tell that things were changing rapidly in her life. He had waited four years for this, standing on the sidelines. He finally had the opportunity, and didn’t want to treat it lightly. He wanted there to be substance to it, and gravitas.
He called Melissa the next morning. She was still reeling from everything Hattie had told her, and what she’d done for her. She had taken care of her younger sister when they were growing up. Then Hattie had defected, as Melissa saw it, and run away to the convent. Melissa had been angry at her ever since. And now she had done this incredible thing for her, and found the daughter Melissa thought she’d never see again. She was still trying to absorb it when the phone rang, and she picked it up.
“I’d like to cook dinner for you tonight,” Norm suggested, and made no mention of the kiss the day before. Melissa was mildly embarrassed by it, but she had enjoyed it. She had decided to ignore it when she saw him again, and treat it as an aberration. Everything was spinning out of control around her. She didn’t want her friendship with Norm to do that too. She had no room in her life for a man and a relationship. She couldn’t handle that too. Finding her daughter again was enough for now. But he sounded so sweet on the phone, she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. “Why don’t I come over at seven, and whip up something for you? Things are pretty exciting for you right now. I have a feeling you won’t eat if someone doesn’t make it for you.” She laughed. He was right. She hadn’t eaten the night before, and wasn’t hungry now. There was too much to think about, which seemed so much more important.
“You don’t have to cook for me, Norm,” she said kindly.
“No, but I’d like to. Leave it to me, I’ll do something easy. We can save soufflés for another time,” he said, and she laughed again. Cooking was mathematical and precise to him, like building houses, and he liked that. He had been a whiz at math in school, and terrible at writing and abstract concepts, which had been Melissa’s strength, and led to her writing later on.
She ambled around the house all day, feeling disconnected. She wanted to call Hattie, but knew she couldn’t reach her at the hospital unless it was an emergency. The idea that she was finally going to meet her daughter was the most exciting thing that had happened to her in years, but also terrified her. Who was the girl she had thought of as “Ashley” for more than thirty years? Would she like her natural mother? Was she angry at her? She had a right to be. Melissa knew she would have to face her daughter honestly, and herself now. How could she explain that she hadn’t tried harder to find her? But the trail had been stone cold after the convent burned the records. And Melissa hadn’t been old enough to look for her before that, or to want to. It was already too late by the time she called Saint Blaise’s to try and find her.
There was so much to think about, and now Norm wanted to cook dinner for her. She didn’t think it was a good idea to get in any deeper, but she had agreed to let him come.
She felt drunk and hungover all day, and she was neither. She was drunk on the changes in her life. She thought of it as she stood in the shower, the warm water raining down on her, which woke her up a little.
She put on a simple white sweater and jeans, a little makeup, and looked fresh and felt a little more awake when the doorbell rang, and she let Norm in. His arms were full of bags from the grocery store, and he was carrying a big box tied with string, with a handle, with air holes punched into it. He set all of it down in the kitchen, and there was a thumping from the box, which smelled faintly of fish and seaweed. He opened it to show her two huge live lobsters, with their claws bound. He had driven to Boston to get them. He had brought a good white wine, and crab salad as a first course. He rolled up his sleeves and got to work as soon as he got there, and Melissa set the table with linen placemats and napkins.
She watched him cook the lobsters, which he managed masterfully. He had opened the chardonnay, and she poured each of them a glass to drink while he cooked. They chatted easily as they always had, and the kiss was never mentioned. She was hoping he’d forget it, and how vulnerable she’d been after hearing about Hattie finding Michaela. It was her life’s dream and fondest hope, and now she wasn’t sure she was equal to it, and the explaining she’d have to do to justify her actions. All her life she had blamed her mother and said that abandoning the baby was her fault. But was it? Could she have stopped it and refused to go to Ireland, or to give the baby up? What if she had refused to sign the papers? She had let it happen, and now she had to face the person she had hurt most in the process. She just hoped that the people who had adopted her daughter had been good to her. Being a movie star didn’t guarantee that, as history had shown with others, famous for abusing their children. She prayed that Marla Moore wasn’t one of them.