Now, the hard part.
“My whole life I felt worthless. Mom left. Dad didn’t love us. And what he left us with, the mess he’d made, weighed me down. Echo, brother, I knew what you were doing when you became a cop, I understood it, and we all gladly followed you. You held us together. You guided us. We all know what you sacrificed for us. But no more. Today, I gave it back to Dad, all the shit he piled on us—I gave it to him and none of us are taking it back. It took until I saw Dad today to understand it was never me who was worthless, it was him. I did nothing wrong. And, Phoenix, neither did you. He didn’t love us because he doesn’t know how to love.”
“Sunny.”
That was all Phoenix said but his meaning was clear. He didn’t want to discuss his feelings about our father in a room full of people. I totally got that. So I let it go.
“And about today. I’m fine. Completely fine. And after a good night’s sleep, I’ll be even better.”
Luke curled his arm around me tighter. Something about this felt good beyond the obvious. It was a silent form of encouragement. No, that wasn’t right, it was more than encouragement. Luke was by my side—not because he thought I needed his strength but because he was proud to be there.
I wasn’t sure how I knew that, but I did.
He was proud of me and I felt it.
I let that feeling sear through me.
“I’ll take that as you kicking us out,” Echo reluctantly mumbled.
“I promise you I’m all right and if I wasn’t Luke would make me that way and so would you, River, and Phoenix. I know that now, too. Needing people in my life and turning to them for support doesn’t make me weak.”
Echo jerked in surprise and Phoenix smiled.
“Wasn’t sure he was good enough for you,” Phoenix started and I rolled my eyes. “Wanted to not like him. Wanted to offer to kick his ass out the door. But now I’m seeing he’s a goddamn witch doctor or miracle worker or some such shit. Whatever he is he’s welcome to stay.”
I rolled my eyes again.
“Good to know because I hadn’t planned on leaving.”
Apparently Luke didn’t find Phoenix amusing like I did.
“Just to say, I’ve already washed the blood out of my clothes once this week and I’m too exhausted to do it a second time. So if we can dial back the alpha male tendencies it would be appreciated.”
My joke fell flat and I knew it when Luke grunted. “Tomorrow I’d like a word with both of you. River should be there, too, but I’m not waiting until he’s back so he’ll just have to deal.”
“Why do you need to talk to my brothers?” I tipped my head back to look at Luke.
“Because I can’t ask you to marry me without their blessing. And since I plan on doing that soon…”
Luke’s lips were moving. I was sure words were forming but I heard no other sounds. The room as a whole ceased to exist for me.
How was it possible that yesterday had started great, went to shit then turned even shittier, I’d gone to bed last night heartbroken, woke up with dread filling my chest, I’d faced off my father, saw the woman who’d pushed me out of her womb but gave me nothing more, had been attacked in my house—all of that making for the worst two days of my entire life.
Bar none, the worst.
All of it so bad I wanted to get into bed and sleep for a week so I didn’t have to think about any of it.
Yet with a handful of words Luke wiped all of it clean—save Valentine still being in the hospital; I was still worried about him. But the rest? Gone. Vanished.
“You want to marry me?” I whispered.
“Asked you to move in with me a few hours ago, baby.”
“Um, no. You told me I was moving in but that doesn’t answer my question.”
“How many times do I have to tell you I’m not leaving you? I’ve promised it. I’ve sworn to you I’m never leaving. And I’m gonna make that official and I’m gonna vow it to you.”
I was finding it hard to breathe so I wasn’t surprised when my next question came out breathy.
“But you promised me that the first night after the bar.”
“Yep.” Luke smiled. “But I knew before that.”
“You did?”
That came out breathy, too.
“When you asked me if I was letting you walk in front of me because I wanted to check out your ass. That’s when I knew you were it for me. But it started when you told me you would kick my ass if I offered to carry your rifle case.”
“But that was—”
“The first time I met you? Sure was. And if I remember correctly I fought the pull of you for about three days before I gave in and committed myself to the task of breaking you down.”
I heard someone clear their throat and I was suddenly reminded we had an audience.
“Don’t need to have that talk, brother.”
“Welcome to the family.”
The first statement was Echo, the second, Phoenix.
And it wasn’t until that moment that I found it was possible to feel so much love it hurt. The pain was extraordinary. It was exquisite. It hurt so good I knew I wanted a lifetime of it.
31
“You’re an asshole.”
At Logan’s declaration, I kept my eyes on the ceiling but let go of the bar I was getting ready to lift off the rack.
“Why am I an asshole?”
“Matt’s dating,” he spat out.
“And that makes me an asshole?”
“No, you’re an asshole because you’re shacked up with Sunny. And so now Matt’s trying his hand at dating. That leaves Dylan.”
Logan was not pissed because Matt was dating. And seriously, dating was not the word for what Matt was doing. It was more like Matt was trying his hand at sleeping with a woman more than once. And Dylan was a good-looking guy, smart as fuck, and could arguably pull more tail than Logan, but that still wasn’t what had crawled up Logan’s ass.
It had been four months since Shiloh had moved in with me. Four seriously great fucking months. And we weren’t shacked up, we were engaged—or we would be by this evening. I’d waited as long as I was going to wait for River to get done with his assignment before I asked her. However, the one conversation I’d had with him when he called to check in after he’d heard what went down with Hutchinson he’d given me his blessing as well. So I was no longer waiting for all of her brothers to be present when I asked.
I’d waited far too long as it was.
No, Logan had a thorn up his ass because Lauren was dating.
We all warned him the woman was not going to wait for him. He repeatedly stated what he’d said since the day I’d met him—love wasn’t real.
But it seemed to me and to Drake, Carter, Matt, and Trey that Logan was full of shit. But due to what happened between his mom and dad—the experience so horrific that it shaped his opinion about relationships, family, and love—we never called him on it.
Maybe that had been a mistake. He knew Carter loved Delaney. He’d had a front-row seat to Drake falling in love with Liberty. He watched it happen to Trey with Addy. And now with me. I didn’t hide how much I loved Shiloh.