Before Lester Kent became a piece of shit cop killer he was a piece of shit father.
And watching him walk toward me, not having seen him for years, his hair fully salt and pepper—mostly salt—with his skin a weird shade of yellow, his face weathered and wrinkled, it hit me—Lester Kent was a broken man. He had always been broken. There was something inside of him that was not right. But whatever that something was, it was not my problem.
He’d made it mine. He’d forced it on me. He’d toyed with my brothers. He’d made us feel worthless. Lester had also found himself a broken woman and forced us to endure her as well. Together they made their children’s lives misery.
“A reminder of the rules,” the correction officer began. “You may embrace at the start and end of the visit. No other touching. No gifts. This includes letters. Hands must remain on or above the table at all times. Keep your voices low and do not disturb the other inmates and their guests. Enjoy.”
The officer walked away leaving Lester’s hands cuffed, and for some reason, I couldn’t stop staring at the metal bracelets. How many suspects had I cuffed over the years? How many traffic stops had I made? How many calls of distress had I answered, accident scenes, domestic disturbances, home invasions? How many arrests? And now, with SWAT how many times had I put my life on the line to save someone else? What about my brothers?
All four Kent siblings were law enforcement. That was by design. That was a directive given by Echo. He was the eldest, he became the parent. The man of the house and he was determined to right Lester’s wrongs.
Unintentionally, Lester Kent’s actions had saved lives.
I liked knowing that. Nothing would ever absolve what my father had done. But the Kent family, led by Echo, was clean. We were a force of good and right.
“Well? Aren’t you gonna give your old man a hug?” Lester asked.
I felt my lips curl with disgust. The thought of touching the asshole was vomit-inducing.
“Not a chance.”
Proving himself to be the asshole I knew he was he laughed and sat down. The cuffs clicked against the metal table that thankfully provided distance between us and he launched right in.
“I take it Phoenix got my letter. Didn’t expect to see you, though. Figured Echo would come.”
There it was; he wanted face time with Echo who was his favorite person to fuck with.
“Yeah, we got it. Read it and tossed it.”
His eyes squinted, his face got hard, and he leaned forward.
“Tossed it?”
Once upon a time, hearing that tone would’ve scared the shit out of me. Seeing his face hard and his eyes full of anger would’ve had me running for cover. All that was missing was the familiar way he’d cross his arms over his broad chest and stare down at me. My brothers came by their height naturally. Lester was tall and when I was a kid him hovering over me in a position of authority put the fear of God in me. But right then, sitting across from him I realized he could be standing looking down on me, we could be eye-to-eye, hell, I could be doing a handstand in a hula skirt and Lester would never, not in his lifetime, have any authority over me.
“I came here to ask you some questions, but sitting here, seeing you again, I realized I don’t need the answers. Actually, none of us need a goddamn thing from you.”
“I see my girl thinks she’s something she’s not. You and my boys—total disgrace. Four pigs. Never thought my kids would turn, especially Phoenix.”
God, he was such a dick.
“First, I’m not your girl. And it’s good to see you are exactly who I know you to be. No one else is coming. Not Echo, not River, and certainly not Phoenix. Take a long look, old man, this is the last you’ll ever see of your family. You’re gonna die alone in here. But before I go, I’m giving it back.”
“Giving what back?”
Lester’s sneer was as ugly as his soul.
“All the shit you gave me. All the shit you planted. I’m digging it up and giving it back to you. It’s yours and I don’t want it. Whatever broke you, fucked you up so badly that it made you into a worthless asshole, it is yours. It is not mine, it’s not Echo’s, River’s, or Phoenix’s. So I’m giving it back to you. I hope you enjoy it. I hope it knots your gut and gnaws at your insides until you draw your last breath.”
“It’s inside you, too, girl. You can deny it, but it’s in your blood.”
“Wrong.” I stood and looked down at a pathetic, defective, tired old man.
A criminal.
That was all Lester Kent was.
That was his legacy—not mine.
I didn’t say goodbye.
I didn’t stop when he called my name.
It was me who got to walk out of that prison while he stayed locked away.
And I did it free.
Free of Lester’s baggage, his filth, his weight.
It was about damn time I stopped carrying it around.
I knocked on the door and stepped back.
The neighborhood wasn’t good but I’d seen worse.
When she answered the door I sucked in a breath.
I looked like her. Near identical. Same shade of blonde, same pale blue eyes. She was once beautiful.
Now my mother looked old and beaten down by life.
“After you left us did you have more children?”
Yep, that was the first words I’d spoken to my mother since the day she’d left us.
“Shiloh?” she asked.
And, yep, again, the woman had to ask if I was her child. This was my life. A father doing life and a mother who had to ask if I was her daughter.
This was the dysfunction I was putting to rest.
“Do you have more children?” I repeated.
“Will you come in?”
“Nope. I just wanna know.”
“I’d like to explain.”
There had been a time in my life when I wanted that explanation. But now I did not.
“There’s not one thing you can say that would explain why you left us to him. There’s not a reason good enough for leaving your children to live in hell. You knew who he was. You knew what he was doing. You knew it and instead of taking us with you to give us better, you saved yourself. All I want to know is if there are more of us. If I have brothers and sisters I don’t know. That’s all I want from you.”
“No, Sunny, I didn’t have more kids.”
“Thanks.”
I turned and was halfway down the walkway when I heard her call out.
“I love you. You and your brothers.”
“No, you don’t. I recently learned that when you love someone you don’t leave. Echo, River, and Phoenix taught me what family meant. But it wasn’t until recently that I truly understood what love is. And what you did was not love. It was selfish. It was cruel.”
“He threatened to kill me if I took you.”
“Yeah, Ma, did he? He threatened to kill you. Well, guess what, you still should’ve saved us from that. You should’ve taken us and saved us! You should’ve risked your life to protect us. You should’ve been brave, and strong, and tough. You should’ve been a goddamn mother to your children. When you love someone you don’t leave them. Not for anything.”
I was back in my car when it slammed into me.