Because I knew then that it wasn’t Trey at all.
“Emery.”
I breathed his name like a curse, and his hands squeezed my hips in affirmation as he rocked against me from behind. My eyes fluttered shut again at the rush from his touch, my knees suddenly weak, and I leaned into him, letting him take my weight. His hands were everywhere — wrapping around to grab my own, fingers laced between mine before he dragged them up my ribs, under the wire frame of my bra, and then they were on a hot trail back down to my waist.
My lips parted as he picked up our pace and I let my head fall back onto his shoulder, eyes still closed as he kissed along my neck. Every part of our bodies was sewn together, and his heart beat hard and steady through the fabric of his shirt, the bass to the quick, light beat of my own.
Cracking my eyes open, I turned in his arms, staring at his chest. As soon as I lifted my eyes to his, I heard my name.
“What the fuck, man?” Trey shoved Emery away from me, his fresh drinks crashing to the floor with the movement. “I thought she made it pretty clear at the bar that you needed to back off.”
“She’s here with me, asshole,” Emery said, bowing up to Trey.
“Oh, you’re the guy she was supposed to meet here, huh? The one who left her standing heartbroken on the floor when she first got here?”
The color drained from Emery’s face, and his eyes flicked to mine, but Trey stepped even more between us.
“Well, sorry bro, you fucked up, and now she’s with me. So take a walk.”
Emery’s face screwed up, his hands shoving Trey back. “You fucking take a walk, bro.”
Trey went to shove Emery again but I jumped between them, pressing my hands into his chest.
“Stop! It’s fine, Emery was just leaving.”
“Not without you, I’m not.”
I spun, rushing toward him. “What is your deal? You’ve ignored me for the past three days, including an hour ago when you had another girl wrapped around you at the bar. Go find her and leave us alone.”
“I. Don’t. Want. Her.” He stepped right back into me, into my space, his chest heaving. “And you don’t want him.”
“You don’t know anything about what I want.”
“I do,” he argued. “Which is exactly why I haven’t said a word since the night we kissed. Because I know what you want, Cooper, and I also know that I can’t fucking give it to you.”
He pulled back, the heat from him leaving me in a rush as I watched him push through the crowd toward the exit. My heart beat loud in my ears, louder than the music, louder than the voice in my head that told me I was in deeper than I could swim. Trey grabbed my hand from behind but I ripped it away, and before it registered in my cloudy mind what I was doing, my feet carried me through the sea Emery had already parted.
“Emery.”
It was the seventeenth time I’d called his name, and he still hadn’t stopped. His strides were twice that of mine, but I pushed to keep up as we crossed the second floor of the casino toward the elevators.
“Emery, just wait.”
But he wouldn’t, and when he made it to the elevators, he punched the up button over and over until the doors to one finally opened. He rushed in, but I had already caught up, and I slipped inside with him before the doors could close.
“Talk to me,” I said when we were finally alone, both of us winded as the elevator shot us up to our floor. His hair that was so perfectly styled before he left earlier was a mess again, like he’d had his hands in it all night, and his eyes were red and weary.
“I’m sorry, you should just go back. Go have fun.”
“You’re sorry,” I deadpanned. “Sorry for what, exactly? For giving me the best kiss of my life, for letting me open myself to you in that tent only to completely blow me off the next day?”
“It was your first kiss.”
“And?”
Emery’s eyes met mine. “And you can’t say it’s your best if you have nothing to compare it to.”
“Oh, so I should just jet back downstairs and make out with Trey, huh? Is that what you want?”
He gritted his teeth, and I knew I’d struck a nerve, so I stepped into him.
“You want me to, what, have more experience? Will that make you feel better about kissing me, about touching me? Do you need me to break under someone else’s hands so you don’t have to be the one to do it first?”
The elevator doors opened again and Emery bolted off without an answer, but I was hot on his trail.
“That’s it, isn’t it? You don’t want the responsibility of being my first kiss.”
Emery tapped the key against the reader on our door, shoving inside, the door already closing behind him as my hands caught it. He went straight into the bathroom and shut the door, so I beat my tiny fists on it.
“Emery!” I screamed his name like it would somehow fix everything, like just saying it would force him to admit it. But when he didn’t answer, my forehead hit the door in defeat and I closed my eyes on a sigh. “Please, Emery. Please talk to me. You at least owe me that.”
It was quiet a moment, but I could hear him breathing on the other side, and then the door flew open and my head lifted, eyes meeting his.
“Yes.”
We both cracked with the word, his nose flaring as he stepped toward me, but I was already moving back.
“You’re right. I don’t want to be the one to break you.”
“So don’t.”
He shook his head as if I’d asked him not to breathe.
“You want love. You want romance and fairytales and happy ever afters. You want I love yous and whispered promises and growing old together. And you know what? You deserve that. You do.” My back hit the wall, but he kept moving, advancing on me until we were just inches apart, his hands pressing into the wall around me. “I’m sorry I was selfish enough to kiss you the other night, because I can’t give you any of that. I wish I could, but I can’t.”
“Why does it have to be all that? Why can’t we be what you can give, what I can give. It can be casual. Why can’t we just try?”
“Because I don’t do this,” he said, motioning between us. “I’ve wanted to kiss you from the second I saw you, Cooper, and I figured I’d have your legs on my shoulders and your head hitting the wall that first night in New Orleans.”
I swallowed, heat rushing from somewhere in my core up to my cheeks.
“And I don’t say that out of disrespect,” he added quickly. “Because I realized almost immediately when you got in my car that you aren’t that kind of girl… You aren’t like any kind of girl I’ve ever met.”
Some of his anger slipped away then, his eyes brighter, voice softer.
“I also realized that none of the rules I’ve set in relationships before you would work anymore. Not with you. I can’t disconnect from you, and I can’t treat this like it’s casual because it’s not. You’re not. And I can’t—“ His voice broke, his eyes shutting tight as he shook his head before they popped back open again. “There are so many things I want to do to you, Cooper.” He said it quietly, like it hurt, like it was ripping him apart from the inside. “Things you’ve never experienced, but I can’t. Because you deserve more than that, more than what I can give you.” He pushed back off the wall, his eyes falling to the floor. “More than me.”